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Thursday, January 06, 2005

Inagural Blog (while under construction)

Still under construction, but we'd all love to hear what you think of the site so far.... but let me first explain to you what I don't want to hear: Don't call Sean names or label him a jerk. He's just not. How can I feel that way after all you've just read? Because I still, believe it or not, think Sean strives to be a better man every day. He doesn't always succeed, but who among us always wins our inner struggles? I built this site in the hopes that he won't hurt another woman like he hurt me, not to hurt him back.

In addition to this, I also don't think "I'm lucky to be out" of our relationship. I'm dealing with the loss of the only relationship, the only man, I ever wanted to for rest of my life. It's extremely painful, and while I'm grateful that my health has rebounded fully and I'm not the target of abuse anymore, I never wanted anything as much as I wanted a future with Sean without abuse. Accepting that it's an impossible dream is still something I struggle with daily. If you've just come out of an abusive relationship, I'm sure you understand.
Note: The following comments are all from the friends and family of Sean. When the site is launched to the public, this comment will change to reflect that.
The website is now launched to the public, but not before somebody posted over 1900 repetitive negative comments here. Obviously somebody has a guilty conscience and is trying to glue up this blog. Does it make you feel powerful? Do you ever wonder why you need so badly to feel powerful?
Please visit the new mirror of this blog over on
The WordSlinger

2027 Comments:

Anonymous said...

you need some serious help.

5:48 PM, January 08, 2005  
MarcyD said...

I really think you need help.
I want my name removed from the journal entries in your journal.
I do not support your claim that Sean abused you. I think the lengths to which you've gone to slander him are outrageous. This display is unbelievable.
I was with Sean for 12 years and well, an abuser he is NOT!
I think you are really in need of some serious help.
I truly hope you stop harassing Sean with this ridiculous website. How could you do this, and send it to his friends and family, what kind of person are you?

PLEASE GET HELP!!!

6:55 PM, January 08, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Eileen, this is a travesty. I really can't believe how obsessed and delusional you are. This slanderous website is a big disappointment. If I see you around town, I won't be saying hello.

~A former acquaintance

8:53 PM, January 17, 2005  
Anonymous said...

you need medication.

1:36 AM, January 18, 2005  
Anonymous said...

...medication and a job

1:38 AM, January 18, 2005  
Anonymous said...

too too too too much time on your hands.......
too too too too much time on your hands.......

get a life, and do something worthwhile would ya....
this website is ridiculous!!!!!!1

6:20 AM, January 19, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Gee, what a great web site from such a fucked up girl. How can someone so stupid figure out such complicated technology. Eileen, it sounds to me from reading and listening to the argument (which was illegaly recorded) that you are very selfish. I believe Sean tried very hard to maintain a positive, healthy relationship. Too bad your so stupid to realize what a thoughtful, giving person Sean is. I'm surprised this kind of slanderous shit is allowed to be posted on the internet.
(The reason I think your stupid in addition to being fucked up, is the number of typographical errors you made in transcripting the "argument".)
Good luck with your big bad self. Or move back to Alaska.

7:52 PM, January 21, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Abusing someone because they supposedly abused you is really not the way to seek resolution. It's like pouring salt on your wounds. Move on. Get therapy. Geez, get a job for pete's sake.

10:05 PM, January 26, 2005  
Eileen said...

Just for the record, you all can stop telling me to get a job. Since August of 2004, I've had two jobs and I'm taking three college classes. Volunteering my time to help abused women is quite a worthwhile use of time. My life is very full, and without Sean yiping at me to quit jobs or ditch classes to be at his beck and call, I pulled straight A's last semester. Oh, by the way, before you pipe in by saying that's a lie, I have it on tape. Tape that is legally recorded, by the way. Plus, on the tape itself Sean indicates he is aware the recorder is on. So please, come up with something valid to insult me about, will you?

12:32 PM, February 05, 2005  
Eileen said...

I don't want this blog to become an exchange of petty insults, but I can't help myself from responding to this anonymous comment (my prime suspect is Mike, a music "critic and writer"), mostly because it made me laugh really hard:

"(The reason I think your stupid in addition to being fucked up, is the number of typographical errors you made in transcripting the "argument".) Good luck with your big bad self. Or move back to Alaska."Ok, yes, there were a fair amount of typos, and I thank you for pointing them out so I could fix them. I was glad to know you actually read it. I'm a horrible typist; which we all know is the foundation of IQ testing. But here's the thing; if you are going to insult somebody for typographical errors, perhaps it would be more effective if you used, at minimum, third grade grammar.

1. I think you meant "you're stupid". not "your stupid". Unless, of course, what you're trying to say is you're thinking about my "stupid", which is, well, stupid.
2. "Transcripting" is not a word. "Transcript" is a noun, "transcribe" is the verb you want. I admit I'm not very good at magazining, newspapering or paperbacking an "argument", either.
3. "Or move back to Alaska." That is not a sentence.

I must get back to webpaging,
Eileen

1:13 PM, February 07, 2005  
Eileen said...

This post has been removed by the author.

1:16 PM, February 07, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Allies of abusers and abusers themselves:
From those of us who have lived this. We understand. Anybody who has been through this knows that you are not crazy! Neither am I. Nor are we stupid, lazy, selfish or any other horrible name calling you can come up with. See them for what they are.
Sticks and stones WILL hurt you and so do words.

8:11 PM, February 14, 2005  
Sad said...

It is with real shame that I read this site. The more I read, the more I see that I was actually quite abusive to my ex wife. She had the smarts to leave me, but unfortunatly picked right back up with someone else who took the abuse to the next level and beat the crap out of her. Now I have to live with the guilt of what I did AND with the guilt of pushing her to an even worse situation. And to top it off my son is in that situation with her. I am going to add this page to my favorites list and search for more ways to make sure my son never grows up to know the pain that this causes.

12:11 AM, February 15, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Dear Eileen,

I have been in a relationship for two years with a man that I thought was the best thing that had ever happened to me. He loved me like no one ever had. And after living through a marriage with a verbal abuser for nine years--I certainly welcomed him and his great kindness and love. About six to eight months into the relationship, he started pointing out all of my downfalls...All of the things about me that were just not right in his eyes. Most all of the things he berated me for were in my past, because he had nothing better on me. He constantly ridiculed me for what I "had" before him--meaning a big house and money and cars with my ex (whom I walked out on). I found myself constantly defending myself and I still do not know why. I still do not know what about me was so bad. And now, I am still defending myself for everything about me and my mere existence on earth.

I have desperately wanted this relationship to work. Like you, he was the first man that I ever really knew I wanted to spend my life with. It's almost like I am so damn stubborn and persistent that I refuse to give up. I know how to get what I want. I know how to make things work. I know this could work. I know who he is and if he could just stop the anger--he is a beautiful and kind man.

But the sad thing is, each and every single thing you have on this site--I have lived through. The most shattering thing that I read was the steps that need to be taken to stop the abuse. He will not admit it--ever. I have tried very hard to explain to him the hurt that he has caused me and he refuses to listen, discounts and trivializes my feelings every time. I love him more than I have ever loved any man in my life. I've been trying to walk away for about a year--I have a few times and gone back to him every time because I care so very much for him.

He has just itemized a list to me of all of things that he wants in someone that I am just not capable of giving! I have never been so frustrated in my entire life. The ONLY reason I am not capable is because I spend all of my time taking up for myself and surviving. His expectations could not be met by any human on earth. I don't know how to live without him--he really is everything to me. If he cannot admit or recognize these abusive behaviors of his that have deteriorated our relationship--well then, I guess I have to walk away, with no choice.

And to all of the people that slandered you and told you to get help------I'd like to say this: Of course she needs help you unempathic assholes, you would too if you had lived through what she has. Until you have lived through the pain, the frustration, the fear, the instability, the insecurity, the degradation of your self-esteem and confidence-------until you have experienced these things first hand at the heart and mind and mouth of an abuser---you have absolutely NO RIGHT to judge her or criticize her in any way! More of us should stand up to these bullies on power trips. They single-handedly have the ability to crush our lives. I comend her for her efforts to be strong through her pain--no matter what it takes. And don't worry, it won't hurt him--not possible--he is always and will always be right. Sad really, he'll never have what really matters in this world.

7:21 PM, March 05, 2005  
Anonymous said...

First of all, Marcyd, can u say "fat women do not wear color well"? Think black. (ha) I have lived in this nightmare for 12 years and only stayed because of my two darling girls who adore him. Let me make my point quick (btw [by the way] I am PHD Texas Tech and know FULL well how to speak and write, this is blog, and will NOT be complete sentences)...If you want to see what it is like to live with one of these monsters watch the movie "Enough" with Jennifer Lopez. (I think that is the name). I have researched this subject for 5 years and have been published over 200 times for it in periodicals. Let me say this loud and clear...is everyone listening? The NUMBER ONE thing these bastards have in common is this: THEY ARE ALWAYS KNOWN TO OTHERS AS THE NICEST GUY IN THE WORLD...I repeat...KNOWN AS THE NICEST GUY!! and they mumble "she must be nuts"....you do the math...also, people NO ONE EVER KNOWS what goes on behind closed doors. Get off her ass you idiots. (until you've walked a mile in her shoes) and even then you are a mile ahead and she is barefoot! (that was a joke)

10:30 PM, March 06, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I listened to the whole taped conversation and can fully empathize with the guys frustration over Eileen. Every time he tried to express his frustrations, she would not address any of those issues. It seems to me that she was in complete control of the taping session without him being aware that he was being taped so she was in complete control of how she would appear to the listeners...calm, cool, collected. You sound like a major user Eileen. It sounds like most of his anger and frustrations came from trying to deal with someone who just took and took and never gave back in return in many many ways. You set a trap for him and manipulated the taped conversation to your advantage totally. He sounds like he was the communicator in the relationship and you werent' and because you weren't communicating back, his frustations manifested itself into anger and cursing. Man, If I were him, I would have walked out on you long long ago. And, believe it or not, I am a woman. Doesn't every woman want a man who tells you what's on his mind??? It almost seems to me that the roles were reversed here. You sound very typical of the way guy would communicate and he is very typical of what a woman deals with in trying to communicate to a man.
I am curious, what was it that you were in the relationship for anyway???/
I see you did gain something from his time and energy, Hey, because of his time and effort you now have learned to create a great website.

9:22 PM, March 16, 2005  
Eileen said...

I love this comment, thank you for posting. You sound EXACTLY like I sounded when I first met Sean and listened to him talk about his ex-girlfriend. I actually suspect you’re dating Sean right now.
I fell in love with his “feminine side” and LOVED the way he expressed himself. Finally, I had found a man not afraid of his emotions! Sadly, Sean assumed his ability to express emotions meant I should bow down to his emotions, and give him EVERYTHING he needed; which at first I wanted to; but, his demands increased regardless of how badly he treated me. He, like you, never understood that it was really hard to be affectionate to an explosive. If he wanted and needed my affection, he had to become trustworthy and STOP EXPLODING; stop threatening me, stop calling me names, AND stop screaming at me while I cried hysterically BECAUSE he threatened me, screamed at me and called me names. In short, stop abusing me, and stop abusing me for feeling abused.

If you are in fact Sean’s new target, I’m guessing you will not listen to a word I say. I didn’t believe anyone but Sean when I met him. I moved six thousand miles to a nasty little town just to be near him. He is quite charming and romantic, certainly a unique guy. At first. PLEASE, once he begins to show you who he really is, RUN. It WILL get ugly. The ugly Sean is not on the tapes. Until then, enjoy him, but DON’T quit your job, move, or DEAR GOD don’t get pregnant!


Also, just for the record, two things:

1) I didn't record him to make a website! I recorded us fighting to figure out what I was doing wrong, not to accuse him of anything. I found the tapes months after we split. Sean KNEW I was taping, which is why the “ugly Sean” is not on tape. Clicking ‘record’ calmed him down to his more manipulative abusive tactics.

2) Sean did NOT teach me how to “create a great website”. I don’t know where you got that idea; unless you know him, Ms. Anonymous, because it sounds like something Sean would say. I'm working very hard at a degree in Multimedia and Graphic Design.

8:45 PM, March 17, 2005  
welshnotirishdammit said...

I've known Eileen for 8 years, and while it's not surprising to me that Sean's friends and allies might see things this way, it is telling to me that every single negative comment contains some remark designed to undermine and demean my friend.

I've never known Eileen to be a vindictive person, and I feel confident that this is not her motivation now. Whatever your take on this situation, criticizing the person arguing a point you don't want to hear and not the argument itself does not achieve anything.

8:27 PM, March 24, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Kudos, to you, Eileen, and many thanks. I found your website tonight after yet another painful and frustrating episode with my live-in of nearly two years. Not only did i get clarity on the types of abuse i've been enduring, but, much to my chagrin, have also identified abuse i've perpetrated against him. Some of this has been so subtle for so long i started feeling it was the "norm" but also felt, as was described, as if a dream was shattered and i barely remembered what it was. I did start to question myself...maybe i was "too sensitive" or just couldn't "take a joke"...i realize now that what i had deeply intuited is true-- that those comments are pure crap. I'm not perfect and need to look at my explosive nature, also. However, one thing i'm sure of is that I'M NOT CRAZY and that i deserve kindness and empathy as part of a ROUTINE, not just on occasion. Thanks again for your time and effort in this site...awesome job!

12:23 AM, March 25, 2005  
Anonymous said...

thank you for your web page I have endured another round. I'm still in the fog.I have been married for 15 years and have 3 children.I feel bad they have witnessed so much of this first hand and have also had to deal with it themselves.We are now seperated and the children feel guilty that they like not haveing him around. They would never say that to him because they know I would get blamed for turning them against him.Even though I'm the one that encouraged them to talk to him because he is their father.He gets angry if you leave the light on and rages for an hour, or if he doesn't think you tred hard enough or if some thing is misplaced even by him then it is a two hour diccussion on how no one ever listens to him , god forbid you get tired and angry back of the constant nagging because if you do then your being abusive.some how and i'm not sure how but whenever he gets angry it is my fault and that our marrage is rough not because of his drug use or lieing. and i end up apologizeing for all my past deeds.He knows everything that i have ever said to him. And if i would stop being so insecure about us then he would stop threating to leave all the time. If i would accept the facts according to him then we would be o.k.
any way it really doesnt matter thank you for helping me feel a little better . thank you for spelling it out so clealy . when there is so much hurt and pain it is very much welcome thanks

3:19 AM, April 04, 2005  
Anonymous said...

This is a great web site - good job Eileen - it really puts everything in order -
I am an adult child of an alcoholic and in that regard tend to attract the "wrong" kind of man - in the beginning of each relationship - they want to take care of you - and put it down as "I love you" - ends up being an abusive partner - I learn new things everywhere I look - thanks for creating this web site...

4:47 PM, April 05, 2005  
Anonymous said...

This is a great web site - good job Eileen - it really puts everything in order -
I am an adult child of an alcoholic and in that regard tend to attract the "wrong" kind of man - in the beginning of each relationship - they want to take care of you - and put it down as "I love you" - ends up being an abusive partner - I learn new things everywhere I look - thanks for creating this web site...

4:47 PM, April 05, 2005  
Anonymous said...

eileen, I am an abuse victim as well which is a huge thing for me to admit. I have hid it for the past year in my life as I have tried to start over. I now suffer from ptsd resulting from that abuse. I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you and the way you handle the people that don't believe you. When I first left the relationship with my abuser I couldn't admit that he abused me I wouldn't say it. I still struggle with it. I tried to deny and hide what had hppened to me. Which was really hard because his abuse stretched all the way to not letting me eat, so I was a bruised 78 pound girl (that's hard to hide) telling everyone that I was never abused. No one understood why I was with him for so long. I moved out of my parent's house my senior year of high school and lived with him for two years. Until I knew I had to leave or I would die. Like you his family didn't believe he was an abuser and hated me. I had to leave the town I lived in to get away from him. He stalked me and I still have never turned him in to the police for any of the things he did to me, namely rape. I am now dating someone who is really a good guy who actually has helped me get over a lot of issues I have. I hope to one day stop reliving what happened to me those two years. You, and your confidence really do inspire me to do better. I have been just working on getting a personality again. Thank you for a place that makes me feel more normal and not so marked by what has happened to me. Thank you again

1:50 AM, April 09, 2005  
mikey said...

thanks for the insight. i really was in denial that i was capable of abuse. i see i unwittingly did so. have thought much about what i have read. i feel that i am guilty of some of the telltale signs of abuse. think i too have been a victim of some of the forms too. acting and reacting without thought and consideration though deep down i love my partner. i have combined loving her with letting her down and the end result.....confusing her. i have her confused about who i really am. thought that since i controlled my outbursts i had controlled my anger problem. i see that i my inner feelings that she wasn't giving me some of my needs led me to fall into an abusive pattern in order to get her to open up to me and give me what i wanted. the time i used up with abuse has to be made up with however she needs to make it up. denial is over. i cannot comment much on your relationship because i was not there but, maybe use a pen name to still get you info out there without actually hurting the other party. still, thanks for the effort. still, i thank you for putting your story out there. i am grateful for it.

7:12 AM, April 10, 2005  
Greg said...

Thank you Eileen for so much work of posting all of this.
Even though I must say that it made me feel crazy.
Till today I thought that I was abused by my wife - physicaly and verbaly.
She was cursing me, calling me names, making jokes in my expense, beliteling me, and so on.
I've never called her names, and cursed one time during three years of our fatal marriage when I was upset learning she had an Internet lover (who, besides, was the only person I know of that hates me.)
I don't shout on my wife, however it happens that I rise my voice. I think that it happens mostly after her rise of voice.
She is very much critical of almost everything I do.
What I must underline is that I don't criticize her almost at all, and if I do this (it happen a few times, no more than five during our marriage, I believe) I always (underlined) prevent it with some warm words of explanation.
The funny part is, however, that when she attacks me, she blows on, me and floods me with negative words, and so. I try to control it, and then, I begun to explain myself and getting into selfdefense. Finally my wife has it enough, and she detaches. Then the role changes - I talk to her, and she flips channels on tv telling me to get out, and that I should be a woman because I talk to her all the time.
This last part - talking all the time, actually fits to your recording, and this is exactly what made me more confused, because right now, I don't really know what's right and what's wrong. I guess I need to rething many things, and open-up myself more.
No, don't feel guilty (if you do,) because of it. Your web page let me think and I owe you.

6:20 PM, April 14, 2005  
greg said...

I must add to my previous post -
Obviously a person should find happiness and realization in him/herself, so him demanding from you to be a different person was wrong.
To explain it why I think so I will tell you that my wife is actually demanding me to be a different person, and whenever I do something that she doesn't aprove, she gets mad and tells me that I should be alone, and I shouldn't ever get married because I a bad material for a husband.

6:23 PM, April 14, 2005  
irishgirl said...

I am so greatful for your website. I found it last night after another "episode" with the man I've been involved with for 2 years. I left my abusive husband, and fell in love with this man. He was the most compassionate, caring, emotionally intimate man I had ever met. We started talking about marriage. Then he started using intimate things he knew about me and my past against me. In an off-handed, joking manner he would refer to some very painful event I was ashamed of. It felt like some one had stabbed me in the heart. When I would say anything about it, or say,"ouch" he would become enraged with me. I am not allowed to feel, or think anything he disagrees with, or there are punishments for that. He calls me stupid, mocks my achievements, plays on my insecurities, withholds affection and attention when he knows I want it. I have tried walking away, but whenver I do that, the man I fell in love with comes back again and I stay. Then he goes right back to it again. Anytime I express a hurt feeling or something I don;t like that he is doing, he says I am being adversarial and hostile. Then he turns it all around and says the bad state of the relationship is MY fault. If I would not qeustion why he does things, how he feels, etc...In fact he says I have an abusive personality. He hsa even said that ehw onders about my first amrriage now, that there are two sides to every story and he wonders if some of it was MY fault. My first husband choked my son, shoved me against the wall, bruised me, on top of all the emotional abuse I put up with. To hear the man I love say he wonders now about all of that just devastated me. I have never recovered from that. Last night was really bad, and as I sat there crying uncontrollaby he told me to go off and cry he doesn't give a F--- anymore. I have pushed him beyond his limitations and this whole thing is over now. So I grabbed my bag to leave, and he told me to stay until morning, but I had to leave first thing, because he's not taking my shit anymore. My shit!! My shit was to try and figure out what I am doing that is making him so angry, how we can work this out. An hour later he is getting mad that I am not sitting next to him hugging him. He acted like nothing had happened, then proceeded to lecture me on how all of this was my fault. If I would just trust him and believe what he tells me....
That is a small taste of what I have enudured, until last night when I saw your website. I can see it now, I am getting out of this. I will never be good enough, because he won't let me be. Thank you, Eileen

11:37 AM, April 16, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I've been in a relationship for almost a year now. I've been noticing changes in my significant other. At first he would call me names and say mean things (ex: your stupid, your getting fat), but he would always say he was joking. Now when he says these same things they seem to get more hurtful and offensive, but he doesn't apologize anymore. I can't explain how I feel when he continuously calls me crazy. He keeps saying he can't be with me because I dont spend time with him, but he turns around and ditches me to do something else. He says I dont try hard enough when I try everyday to make him happy. I try to be talkative, affectionate, comforting, and supportive. Almost always does he shut me down and give me the cold shoulder. What hurts the most is that I've been noticing that he doesn't do any of the things I try to do for him. I have become so frustrated I can hardly think of anything else.
But God knows the Love I bare for this man. Its so hard to think of my next step. I'm so lost in thought I dont know what I can do anymore. I feel almost hopeless. I want things to change, but I dont know how it can happen.

5:04 PM, April 21, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I've been in a relationship for almost a year now. I've been noticing changes in my significant other. At first he would call me names and say mean things (ex: your stupid, your getting fat), but he would always say he was joking. Now when he says these same things they seem to get more hurtful and offensive, but he doesn't apologize anymore. I can't explain how I feel when he continuously calls me crazy. Sometimes he seems like he wants to directly hurt me. He's thrown a volley ball in my face once and didn't apologize. Sometimes he'll lightly punch my leg with each punch gaining more force. But he hasn't left heavy bruises and hasn't hit me out of anger.He keeps saying he can't be with me because I dont spend time with him, but he turns around and ditches me to do something else. He says I dont try hard enough when I try everyday to make him happy. I try to be talkative, affectionate, comforting, and supportive. Almost always does he shut me down and give me the cold shoulder. What hurts the most is that I've been noticing that he doesn't do any of the things I try to do for him. I have become so frustrated I can hardly think of anything else.
But God knows the Love I bare for this man. Its so hard to think of my next step. I'm so lost in thought I dont know what I can do anymore. I feel almost hopeless. I want things to change, but I dont know how it can happen.

5:21 PM, April 21, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I'm six months pregnant. we have a two yr old. I know this will never change. it feels worst when i think to myself that i wish someone could love me the way that i've loved him. i'm just going to turn off and ignore this part of my life. maybe, when he's dead ans i'm a senior i'll finf true companionship in the rest home. wouldn't that be nice?

12:04 AM, May 02, 2005  
Anonymous said...

This site has an excellent explanation of spousal abuse. Sadly, I could relate to each one, as they all happened in my marriage. The wedding took place 25 years ago today. My new anniversary is July 16th, 2003. That's when we separated and I finally got a chance to be my own person. He's still unbelievably (and creatively) abusive but most of it now is through others, in particular the police. I am saddened by how many people think it's not abuse if it's not physical. But at least I'm out. Thank God. I've never been so happy.
Maggie

11:31 PM, May 03, 2005  
Confused-In A Cloud said...

Eileen I must commend you on your site, you have done a fantastic job & reading it has helped me understand what I am going through. I have been married for almost 12 years now & have a 3-1/2 year old son. At first my relationship with my husband was great, he adored me and we got along wonderful with many dreams for ourselves. Over the past few years (I really am not sure as it is all mixed up in my head now) he has become more and more angry. He is a very stressful & demeaning individual. Most of the time his put downs are in the form of jokes - like that makes them any better? He is always getting angry at me for stupid things like leaving a tea bag in the sink. There was one incident where he totally chewed me out for "not thinking" while we were in a store - in front of everybody. When I started crying he told me "Oh great, now your going to cry! Get Out & Wait for me in the car!" All I could do was meekly walk out as fast as I could so nobody could see me. Later that day he claims that he didn't even remember the incident. This keeps happening more & more often. He is starting to blame me for things he does now. He is also beginning to take his anger out on our son. I love him dearly, he was a good man when we met, but I don't know what went wrong... I am in limbo now trying to figure out what to do, but finances are a big problem. Family is also not an option - there are too many problems there as well, and I do not want to impose on anyone. Seeing your site has helped me realize that I need to do something. THANK YOU. I just have not yet figured out what. I don't want to let it go far enough for it to get physical. Your site helped me see the light. THANK YOU.

10:53 AM, May 04, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Eileen - well done for leaving Sean - what a head-wrecker he sounds like. The site is great - especially the opening - I cried when I read it ! You really hit the nail on the head for me and probably a lot of women out there. My story is that I've been married for 5 years - with my husband 10 years altogether. He's verbally abusive to me and explodes at minor things all the time. Yesterday morning I spent an hour in the car with him screaming abuse at me, calling me every name under the sun etc. and without me saying one word. This happens every few weeks, then we don't talk for a few days, then he's really nice to me and eventually it happens all over again. I've realised that every time it happens I love him a bit less and now I'm beginning to really hate him. I can't leave as I would lose my home and my parents would be upset etc. but it's coming to that day sometime in the future. I'm embarrassed telling anyone anymore except for one friend. People don't believe me anyway. There has been violence too -over the past few years I've had a table (small) land on my head, he's destroyed things belonged to me - torn up photos, stamped on my mobile(cell)phone and broken it, knocked down a door... He's not too violent recently - just name calling, blaming me for everything that could possibly go wrong in his life, e.g. if he loses his keys for example - I end up getting called every name under the sun. He then sends me text messages to my cell phone calling me an "evil cunt" and telling me "I'll regret it" etc. He threatened to kill me this morning if I drove off without him to work. I hate him sometimes but there's nothing I can do and he knows that. The fact that I went to university and he didn't and that I have a better job probably makes him hate me more.

Anyway Eileen - you've spectacularly bounced back yourself.

4:48 PM, May 05, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this site. I am in tears now. I am also ending my 2 year ABUSIVE relationship. Yes, abusive. Every tactic you described has been used on me. All of them. I have gotten to the point that I'm not sure what is real and what isnt, but at least I know i'm not alone. I say again, thank you

12:48 AM, May 06, 2005  
Jen said...

Thank you so much for this site Eileen. I've been in denial for 4 years about the mess I have become because of the relationship I have been committed to at all costs. My relationship started with George because I was his wife's last care-giver at home before she passed. There was an age difference, problems with his children, and alot of other impossibilities that the relationship could endure but I had unwaivering faith & devotion because of the intense love I felt for him and supposedly the love he said he felt for me. I gave up friends, spent all my time at his home only packing an overnight bag for 3 1/2 years, and put anything that was important to me on the back-burner to constantly prove to him that I loved him, would do anything for him and would never abandon him (b/c this is a core issue for him). Toward the end of the first year the fights/his outbursts of pain/anger started becoming episodes where he would call me anything he felt, threaten to call the cops if I didn't stop crying, and then threaten that the relationship was over. These episodes continued to get more abusive with my "things" (set of clothes/toiletries) being thrown in boxes and threats of throwing me out escalating. Each time this would happen I would cry profusly, beg him to stop and pray it would end soon. I would never leave him b/c at the end of these he would apologize and say "It's good you didn't leave b/c that would prove that you would abandon me-and now I know you are a real partner to me and can accept my side that has a temper and overreacts." Over the years of this I have battled my increasing fears, sadness and confusion about how to "make it all better" and change to fit his needs. I really thought that if I continued to open my heart more, love and hang in there-the more he healed the more everything would get better. Instead it has only gotten worse. Three weeks ago after a night of his threats of leaving, he asks the next morning as he's holding me after making love "What's still the matter?" I reply "George, please stop treating me like I am so disposable"-he then promptly left. I called him and said I was hurt and needed time to think-he yelled, called me names then hung up. In shock and upset I continued to hit redial until he answered-he then had the police call me and say that if I called him again I would be arrested. I went through 5 days of hell after that-then he called crying, apologizing and realizing all these things that he had been doing. To make a long story short-after another week of not seeing him, I gave in a spent some nights with him, considering all his promises & apologies. Then his anger flared up again and I painfully realized this pattern was not going to stop-I tried to tell him that I couldn't get over this last episode and needed time to think. After a roller coaster of emotions during the phone call he agrees to give me whatever time I need, he loves me etc. I give in and call him the next day-he replies "oh thank you for calling, I say there's one think I can't understand in all these years...how can you say one minute that you love me more than I know, and the next you're saying you never want to see me again? He explains what he's uncovering in therapy, please say you still love me Jen& that he loves me. Next night I scew up by drinking while being very depressed, call him and end up going to his home-he freaks out calls the police and I spend a night in jail and am now labeled as a crazy, harassing woman. AFter years of trying to understand these 2+ sides of him I have emptied,isolated and confused myself terribly. I kept all that was happening secret until he got physical last October-and even after that still deluded myself into thinking that I just needed to get stronger to endure and not give up on him. In the eyes of all that know him-he's the victim, and I'm just sick. Emotional abuse is rampant and we as women have to reach out to one another and stop pretending.

7:17 PM, May 08, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I tried to kill myself when I was so defeated that I couldn't find another way to get out. I'd rather die now, than take him back.

The women who don't understand are the lucky ones. I hope they never have to find out.

12:24 AM, May 10, 2005  
Lori said...

My absuer was named SEAN as well - and now that I've escaped that abyss, I don't have anything positive to say about him. I love your website, but it makes me sad when you say that your Sean is trying to be a better person. Abuse is abuse is abuse and no person abusing others (particularly in the horrendous and devastating manner that narcissists and sociopaths do) is in any way "trying to be better person". Your Sean, my Sean (Thank God he is no longer in my life) - they're all selfish, horrible people. No excuses.

9:05 PM, May 18, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Eileen-

I found your website while trying to research whether or not I was in a verbally abusive relationship......the answer, I think, is yes, probably somewhat, but not as bad as what yours was, or what I have experienced in the past with a man I spent 10 years of my life with. Unfortunately, the way society still views women (as less than equal, as people to still be controlled) is probably the reason for such an incidence of these kinds of relationships.

It makes me really sad to read how much you loved him, and then to see what his friends and/or family wrote. I CAN relate to this. I also think the ability to maintain love even in a very flawed relationship is a source of REAL strength. Those who wrote the first posts should be extremely ashamed of themselves. It's like kicking someone who has just been wounded and is bleeding.

I wish I knew that that there was a solution to all that I see here. I wish that there was a way to find happiness and inimacy with a partner without the threat of this kind of actions. For me, I'm wondering if women who truly want to live as authentic, autonomous, independent people can even have what commonly passes as a relationship these days.

5:50 PM, May 28, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

Every thing you said happened to you, really happened in my 10 year relationship with my husband. The verbal abuse just escalated over time. Leaving the relationship was really hard, but the best thing for me. I really loved him, but my love for him was killing my spirit and me. Thank you again for printing this website.

KUDOS

10:00 AM, May 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Well done! Thank you for being brave enough to tell the truth. This is the best site on emotional abuse that I have come across... don't let others bully you into giving up... many of us need to hear what your website has to say... Thanks again... from someone who knows

5:59 PM, June 04, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Wow... I am so happy to hear that I'm not crazy. I can not believe how many times that I thought I was! After reading every word of your website I can now begin to make some serious changes in my life.

As most of us that endure this abuse, I grew up with emotionally abusive parents. This time around I made sure that NO ONE called me names or overtly emotionally abused me. However, what I didn't know is that the passive abuse was just as threatening to me as the overt.

My live-in does not call me names openly, yet will call me "a risky investment" and act as if it's a joke. He will disapprove of things that I love, yet support things that will keep me controlled.

I had no idea that this was happening until recently when I found your site. I thought I was a horrible woman that just couldn't get my "stuff" straight.

When I didn't have a job, he would disapprove. I would then get a job, he would then get angry because he was lonely working at home. I would then quit my job, and then he was angry because I had no income and decided he didn't want my help with his business anymore.

This is only one cycle that we would go through.

I've spend countless hours wondering what he wants - guessing, because he will not be honest about it, and then I would act according to his behavior.

It's been exhausting to say the least.

By nature I am a strong independent woman, who has never relied on anyone for financial means. At first it felt great that he wanted to help me start the business of my dreams by aiding me financially. He has interrupted (in various ways) my successes.

I have been blind - and now I can see.

Thank you so much - you are an angel on earth.

3:26 PM, June 05, 2005  
Anonymous said...

This is a great site... would you consider making one for adult survivors of emotional abuse? Those who unknowingly were emotionally abused by one or more of their parents... and now are continuing that cycle with their own child?

8:58 AM, June 06, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I came across your site and others about abuse while trying to open my eyes ot the fact that I am in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship. It is not as bad as your story but I fear it could get worse. I honestly didn't believe that you and Sean were real, I thought the tapes were just for the site. It wasn't until I read this blog that I realised how real you are and that you made this site to get through it all.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so open and honest and helping me see that what my husband does IS wrong.
I am going to show him some of the points that match his attitude and other points that I fear he could become with time. He came from a broken home and has issues we have tried to work through and has become alot better than what he was. He knows he is angry and is always trying to get better. But excuses are excuses. I am going to suggest he goes to counselling or therapy and give him a chance before I leave him.
I wish you all the best and hope you have a happy life.

7:20 PM, June 06, 2005  
Anonymous said...

To all those who are questioning... should I stay or should I go... I was there once and we did try counseling... even when he failed to change after that, I found myself not wanting to leave my marriage of 18 years... We had two beautiful children... I never saw myself as growing up and getting divorced... He used emotional abuse to keep me blaming myself for HIS affairs... he justified himself by continuing to insult the way I looked... (I'm thin but I wasn't tan... my breasts were too big for my frame... and my hair wasn't naturally blond, and I didn't do my makeup right), He also insulted the way I kept house (though he never lifted a finger to help), cooked, or greeted him when he returned home... seemed I could do nothing right... he denied his affairs in the face of evidence... I was crazy he told me and I bagan to believe it to the point of being on the edge of a nervous break down... I could hardly function any more... work was getting difficult to maintain... It took me discovering that he really was having an affair to realize I really wasn't crazy after all. A secret recording revealed he was having sex with his colleg professor... The first time I had ever invaded HIS privacy and that is what I found... still the thought of leaving tore me up and he threatened to kill himself if I did leave him...



The thing that saved me was my love for my daughter because I had none for myself... I looked at her... the one that mirrors my image... and I saw how beautiful she is... inside and out... and I asked myself... Would I want her to remain married to the type of man that I was married to? The answer was NO... On that day I decided that I would teach my daughter that she should not put up with a man treating her the way her father treating me... and my son that that is no way to treat a wife.

It's been three years now and I have never been happier in all my life... and my children are happier as well because they have a healthy and happy mother who feels good about herself... and my ex never did kill himself... truth is that was just another emotional ploy that he never thought of carrying out because he loves himself too much... though the divorce did put a damper on his "good guy" image... He enjoyed the reputation of having a long standing marriage.

That is why I LOVE your site... because these women who view this don't have to find out the way I did that they are not crazy... and in fact there may be more to the story behind the emotional abuse then they will ever know about... If he's putting you down and blaming you in the home... he's putting you down in the minds of the people he meets... all to get their sympathy and make him look good and you look bad. No one should have to found out the way that I did by chance that I was not crazy...My advice is get help but if he does not change get out... it's the best thing you can do... for you and particulary for any children that may be involved. END the Cycle!

11:47 AM, June 07, 2005  
Anonymous said...

The homepage of this blog has even more great comments to read:

http://www.youarenotcrazy.com/blog/blog.html

3:27 PM, June 07, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Dear Eileen,
I love this website and just called a friend who really needs to read it. I do think you should protect the privacy of your ex and remove or change his name and the other personal attacks against you on this site. Your motives are much purer that way and your ex is not defamed. I would also not post the personal stuff like the card he gave you or actual fights.

It seems a bit vindictive and I am sure you are not... There is a cruelty in revealing this person's name that goes against the call for respect and non-abusive behavior that this site is all about.

This site is very helpful. Thanks!

11:15 PM, June 07, 2005  
Eileen said...

I thought about this for months before I agreed to use my relationship for this website. I also knew I'd be called vindictive - which is code for "shut up" and "quit bitching". Two things led me to my decision;

1. I truly loved Sean and want him to be happy someday. In every book I read, and every counselor I spoke with, they all agreed on one thing adamently; one of the critical things abusive men need to become non-abusive was to be HELD ACCOUNTABLE. Sean can never have a non-abusive relationship until he is held accountable for his past abuses. I want him to find happiness someday, and abusing won't pave the road to happiness. I knew he would hate me for this website, but his eventual well-being is much more valuable to me than his "not hating" me.

Sadly, as far as I know, all he has done is deny his abuse (in spite of the letters I have from him apologizing for being abusive) and blame me, call me crazy, and post anonymously on this blog.

2. The reason I used personal information is because it's just the plain facts, not my imagination or insanity (as Sean will tell you.) While the abuse was going on, it was foggy and confusing and if I hadn't found these tapes, I'd still be begging him to give me another chance - promising him I'll do better. Many targets of abuse have experienced this - and my tapes prove I'm not imagining it or are insane; it's real. I wanted others to know verbal abuse is not in their imagination; You are not crazy.

Eileen

11:56 PM, June 07, 2005  
Kimy said...

Hello there! I just wanted to say that, eileen you are a wonderful person. I believe people that think they know your relationship, who were not in it are judging you unfairly. I appreaciate the sit you created and feel a lot more valid for how I feel after reading whats on here. it has a lot of helpful things to read and thankyouf ro that!!!
have a great day and dont listen to people who just name call, god they are being abusive too! there is no need for abuse at all! you were only documenting something that happened. Kepp up the good work Love, theres people who understand your cry.

2:06 AM, June 08, 2005  
Anonymous said...

No, I'm not crazy, Eileen. Thank you for the reminder - I needed it.

10:57 PM, June 16, 2005  
Indigo said...

I've just glanced at the site and saw an amazing picture ... "Abusive vs. Healthy" ... it is quite accurate of my soon-to-be ex-husband and a good friend who would very much like to be my next husband.

Before I was married, I lived a very fulfilled life and was considered outgoing, adventureous, and successful by my peers. I met and married a man who seemed like the perfect "man of my dreams" with whom I could envision a wonderful future - not just for us, but for others (in ministry).

Life slowly drained out of me ... the story is too long to tell ... but all the signs pointed away from him, and people only knew me through him, so I was always the "fix project" for anyone who had compassion on him.

Little did I know he was a closet pedophile! When that came out, plus a host of other deceitful, manipulative traits ... I was finally vindicated and free. On the one hand, a beautiful grace, and on the other a very unfair violation of my life. 15 years stolen, and now I'm cleaning up after his mess - not just his stuff, either ... cleaning up me, my son, and my daughter.

People on the outside think we're the crazy ones, but little do they know we are strong, compassionate, and have a great promise of an amazing future when we're liberated by knowing we're not crazy!

11:32 PM, June 17, 2005  
bluefox said...

How can I get my husband to recognize he is abusive? I've been with him 25 years and married 18...Luckily, we don't have kids so I don't have that issue.

I've been in therapy for depression and anxiety for 23 years, and victim of abuse is a new concept for me. He wants me to explain every type of verbal, psychological and emotional abuse to him. When I give him specific examples, he tells me I don't remember the situation, and he was really providing SUPPORT for me then.
I'm on a wait list for a treatment program, but I need him to begin accepting some responsibility for the lack of intimacy in our relationship
Any ideas?

2:41 PM, June 22, 2005  
Anonymous said...

thank you for the time and energy that you have put into this site. i found it as a link from another emotional abuse website. i have tried to print a few of the facts that you point out (hoping that my abuser would read them and understand what he is doing) it is hard to print with the black and white and i cant copy and paste it either. no worries though, i have it good enough and i am sure he wont read them anyway. i have wanted to tape our conversations like you did, hoping if he listened to them he would understand.... now i know that i am wasting my time.... even with the printing of the facts. i am in the process of "getting out" of a 5 year emotionally (sometimes with a little phyisical) abuse.

like you have said, i really wanted to spend my life with the original man i met and fell in love with.... not the abuser.... and sometimes we can even go months with no abuse and i think that it will be all okay..... then when the going gets tough.... the other guy comes back, and i am the reason.... he keeps telling me that it is because i told him he was nothing without me.... i dont remember saying that but EVERY time he starts with that.... then i know it is down hill... just this morning i was trying to tell him how i felt and he told me no.... i dont feel that way that i am lying about what i feel like.... i ask him how does he know how i feel if i cant even say it and make him HEAR me. then of course it escalates to how i always put him down and make him feel like less of a man.....
the name calling (the c-word for 3 hours the other night) he says i "push his buttons" to make him say those things.... and they dont mean anything to him... i said they mean alot to me... and then he says that i deserve to be called everything and i should get thicker skin
i am so upset right now because i am scared
scared to stay and scared to go
he is supposedly moving out of MY house as soon as he can (of course it is all at his pace)
he says it is because of me, that he cant trust me, i ask him to explain why any of it is my fault and he just brings up things that i supposedly said in an arguement (where nothing that he said i am supposed to take personal because he said it in anger) twists them around to make his point and then when i say that i didnt say it the way you are making it sound... i am the lier.
i know this is a pattern with me and the men i choose, but i cant seem to break the cycle.

thank you for letting me know i am not alone

12:34 PM, June 23, 2005  
Eileen said...

Dear Bluefox,
I don't think you want to hear my answer, so brace yourself.

Your husband has a 92% chance of being abusive for the rest of his natural life.

Your husband has an 8% chance of "getting it" and becoming non-abusive.


These statistics are from a highly respected book about abuse, "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. I recommend it strongly.


Sean never got it. Sean considers himself a sensitive, new age, feminist, peacenik, organic honest-to-goodness son-of-a-therapist, and this website didn't convince him. He still, as far as I know, blames me, thinks I'm crazy, vindictive, and believes he's the "REAL" victim of my imagination. We have not spoken in eight months, yet in this small town, he (and his allies) have found ways to continue hurting me.


I tried really, really hard to convince Sean he needed to stop attacking me - but he would not hear it. It was my fault, he was right, no matter what.



Couples therapy made it MUCH worse; so beware. Read the story about "Joe and the Scottie" under the REAL CHANGE link.

1:39 PM, June 25, 2005  
Ceridwen said...

Dear Eileen,

Thank you so much for this website. And thank you also for your intro to this Blog, which I can very much relate to.

My abusive partner left me after luckily only 1.5 years, because I was "refusing to fulfil his needs" and "making him become a violent person". Of course he never abused me, according to him I was the abuser. ... And I was starting to believe him, glued as my brain was.

I still don't want anybody to call him a jerk or anything of the like (though I do take the right of doing so myself), and I am still deeply sad that we couldn't work it out and that I have lost the dream I had of growing old with the man I loved more than anybody before. Stockholme-Syndrome for me. (but this does not imply that I think it's Stockholm-Syndrome for you).

My ex has always made jokes about me looking for support or self-help-groups, saying that those are all just bitching women who are now carrying on about how bad their partners were. And it's so damn difficult getting this idea out of my head, which is why I am still cautious to accept self-help groups as valid support for the results of the abuse (which according to him never happened, and the concussion was only harmless and .... bla bla bla).

Thank you. A lot.

But - I would really like to read more about what you have to say about why couple therapy didn't work (we went through the whole thing twice, and it got worse, - and I am still trying to figure out, why)

1:58 PM, July 09, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Great website Eileen!Sean sounds very similar to my ex who I eventually found the courage to walk away from 3months ago.He is still pursuing me-in complete denial-blaming me-loving me one minute-hating me the next.The wonderful thing is though is that I now realise that I was what's called a 'woman who loves too much'.I took on all of his issues,gave him full sympathy and made it my quest to save him when I was the one who needing saving.I then realised that the ONLY person I could save was myself!Im now on an amazing road of self-discovery and have fantastic support.I recommend that any women in our situation continue to explore the web,find support groups or read a book on co-dependancy in order to gain support,strength,courage,hope and most importantly FAITH.

7:21 PM, July 09, 2005  
Eileen said...

Dear Ceridwen,


Why doesn't couples therapy work?


Have you ever heard of Munchausen syndrome? It's an abusive pattern where a parent abuses their child by making them sick intentionally (poisoning, over medicating etc.) because they're addicted to the attention (and sympathy) from their family, community and medical professionals. Sick, huh? Do you think that putting the child and parent into therapy together would cure Munchausen?


Abuse is not a relationship issue like child rearing or intimacy. These issues can be solved with compromise and love - can abuse? Would it be ok if he just abused on weekends and in exchange, you can say no to sex on Mondays? Relationship issues can be solved because of goodwill towards each other and true empathy; these men would not be abusers if they had goodwill and empathy. Abuse is not a relationship issue any more than Munchausen syndrome.


It's not possible you can behave in a way that will stop his abuse. Believe me, I know how hard that is to truly believe. Just like a Munchausen parent craves sympathetic attention, abusive men crave power over, and they'll take it from whoever is closest. The tricky part here is that in order to have power over you , he must believe you are inferior, weak, wrong somehow, and this is what makes him entitled to abuse (and take the power he deserves). Therefore, he convinces you that if would just get it together HE would be cured; your lack of confidence feeds him. He has no interest in being cured – he has the power he needs. Therapy reinforces the idea that it's a relationship issue fueled by your weaknesses; but it's just as foolish as believing Munchausen is a relationship issue. It tells him he's not only convinced you it’s your fault, he's also convinced you it's your responsibility to fix it. Therapy gives him a place to convince the therapist how uncooperative you are, and chances are, he'll use your openness from therapy against you later.

My ex is so smart and charming, he was like butter in therapy. He gushed about his undying love for me and how much he wanted me to be happy above all else, and how it broke his heart to see me upset. I spoke of how I loved him, and how our fights upset me, and that I had a hard time trusting him. So, we focused on my trust issues. Suddenly, it was my trust issues that caused our fights. He had more proof it was my fault, and a therapist to back him up. Do you think that a child who was the victim of Munchausen has trust issues? Do you think solving their trust issues would stop the abuse?

I hope this helped.
Eileen

8:15 PM, July 09, 2005  
Claire said...

Thank you for having the guts to do this. I wanted to but am still scared of my ex. His parting threat was to ruin my internet life. All you have written is so familiar. He tries to tell me it was both of us, despite some of my driends witnessing. He's dissed me so much to his brother he hates me too. And I don't doubt he's slagging me off all over the net. I don't know if I'll ever recover.

5:59 AM, July 10, 2005  
llorana said...

It is so painful to be in love with the wrong person. In an ideal world, we would all bring out the best in each other instead of the worst.

People who defend abusers are contributing to it. No one can be right all the time, but everyone has a right to be safe and to be loved without a list of conditions.

6:20 PM, July 10, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I was married to Sean's uncle (the one he donated a kidney to) for almost 20 years and we have two children together. I also know Sean's father and knew Sean as a child, though not as an adult. I think I can speak with some authority about the Zigmund "men". These are men, at least the two older ones, who were brought up by a mother who had an unhealthy attachment to her sons, especially Charles (Sean's father). In addition, they had a very distant father who couldn't express himself and had a temper. As a result, they are, in my estimation, very stunted when it comes to forming emotional attachments with women. They cannot live without a woman in their lives caring for them at every turn in the road. They feel entitled to have this. They both come off as sensitive artists, and women perceive them as such, especially Eliot, my ex-husband. They have both had years of therapy and know how to express their feelings, but the only feelings they really care about are their own. It would not surprise me if Sean had inherited these qualities of seeming 'sensitive' while being basically self-centered. It's true I have an axe to grind, but my perceptions are also valid. Once, after Charles separated from his ex-wife, many years ago, he came to visit Eliot and I in our home. When I opened the door, Charlies french-kissed me! I never called him on it or said anything about it - I was too shocked. This takes a lot of gall and shows no respect at all for another's feelings. Having years of therapy means squat; for many people it only validates their sense of entitlement. There is no respect here or even cognition of the other person. While I don't know your particular situation, again, it would not surprise me that Sean probably picked up a few traits from his father, in particular. I support your quest to resolve your issues with Sean and move on, and find someone who is truly on your side. It can be done! As for trying to convince Sean that he wasn't on your side, that may be a lost cause and I wouldn't waste too much time on it! The subsequent women in his life will deal with it sooner or later.

7:35 PM, July 12, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I'm engaged to a man that has broken up with me at least twice a year over the four year relationship. He has made every break-up about me..something I've said or done. He, too, is charming as others have described their abusers. We went to counseling for 1 1/2 years with a Harville Hendricks trained counselor. We've both done intensive personal growth work and the community of people we've met through this work have found him charming and said how much he loves me. I read the book The Verbally Abusive Relationship a couple of years ago so it's obvious I've had an inkling what was going on. He is a wonderful, generous, fun guy...unless you have a conflict with him or an issue with a behavior of his. Conflict and issues with each other are a part of relationship, as we all know. He turns things around on me and has used my own accountability about my own foibles and issues I've told him in counseling or otherwise against me during conflicts. He has told me I've said things I didn't say. I am blamed for all of our conflicts because I somehow, even if he fabricates it, have done or said something to cause it and his subsequent behavior or his pattern of leaving. It's very frustrating. I feel like no one could believe me though fortunately there are those that say they do, though somehow it's hard for me to believe that they do. He has taken suggestions the therapist has given to defuse conflicts to justify repeatedly hanging up on me because he has decided decussions were over usually because he didn't want to hear what I had to say in my defense. I could go on and on. The crazy making is unreal. I am a succesful woman. I've raised two daughters and maintain positive relationships with them. I'm an engineer with a telecom company where I've been employed for 31 years. I'm attractive, youthful looking, having run 5 marathons. I am telling you all this because even with all of these accomplishments I have fallen under the insidious, subtle,and covert spell of an emotional-psychological abuser. I have compassion for his past and am able to see where this comes from for him but he sees himself as this cool, collected, consciousness seeking man. I feel for all of us..male or female..that have or are experiencing this. We need to support each other. I am not crazy either.

1:28 AM, July 17, 2005  
Darra Leigh said...

If I could cry I would, but I am so numb by the truths of my own abusive marraige that I find it difficult or painful to feel anymore.

Thank you for your website! I stumbled upon it this afternoon after anonymously checking myself into a hotel--alone. I can't take another episode of his acquisitory blaming and if I have to listen to one more comment about how great he is and how lucky I am to be with him I am afriad I might take the verbal abusive relationship to the next level--and knock him out in a fit of rage...

Your tapes reminded me of every conversation I have ever had with my husband. Although usually our battles begin by deciding on what to have for dinner and they painfully end with razor sharp words that fall from his mouth.

He proclaims to love me. All I can say is if this is love, I am glad I am not his enemy.

10:40 PM, July 17, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I was in a classic physically abusive relationship. Guy would hit me, break my nose, cops would come, guy would admit offense, get carted off to jail, get out, apologise, do it all over again...

I think that situation, as bad as it was, is better than living with an emotional abuser.

One thing I keep seeing on here is the fact that they are incredibly smooth at convincing others that you are the nut and also being able to comlpletely deny that anything ever happened.

I can't even count how many times he has said some completely ridiculous thing to me and literally, in a matter of minutes, deny that he ever said it.

I also learned fast not to get the cops involved. This was not my previous abuser. This guy could turn everything around on me in front of a cop in a matter of seconds. Then the abuser knows that you can't call the cops on him and becomes even more abusive.

Interesting, what the relative of your ex said. I believe my husband has some very "weird" Mommy issues, too. For the first five years, he was at Mommy's almost everyday. God forbid I said anything about it.

It became very different once her husband died. Suddenly my husband had no one to visit since she was out chasing men. Interestingly enough, they are all the age of her son. CREEPY!

My husband actually started being nice to me, for the first time in almost seven years when he thought I was going to come into some money. Amazing! I didn't think he even had the capacity to be nice. Boy, could he turn it on when he wanted something!

My main reason for commenting is this: Most victims of abuse find it VERY difficult to leave. Shelters offer a very short-term answer. Unless you have money, family and friends it is really impossible to leave. ABUSERS KNOW THIS!

That is why they cut you off from everything.

I have contacted shelters in four different parts of the country and all have had very little to offer. If you don't have the resources you will soon find yourself out on the street. I have a five-year-old daughter and I am terrified to have that happen.

Everyday I become more physically ill. And of course, the less I do around here, the more verbal abuse that comes my way.

I am slowly losing my mind.

12:06 PM, July 19, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Can we talk about Hope? The entry before mine was pretty despairing. What gives people hope for recovery and a better future? Along those lines, why do so many of us go from one abusive relationship to anotherm ,maybe worse? Wouldn't that imply that *we're* the ones who carry the problem? I don't believe that anymore but still don't know how to explain - or break - the pattern.

6:20 PM, July 20, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Hope got me into this mess.

Hope got me to stay too long.

Hope got me to leave.

Hope can be cruel.

12:44 AM, July 21, 2005  
Anonymous said...

thank-you. I don't feel so alone. My story is as complicated as anyone else's- . My miserable 23 year marriage has held together out of our stubbornness, embarassment, and now, after his 4 years of unemployment, financial need. Our children are strong and beautiful , thanks to therapy, and me. But sometimes I'm in hell. Both of us have PhDs, and he is often seen by others as the gentlest, kindest man ...... and he had me fooled. Our first decade of marriage was hell for me because I believed him, and my head would spin when he would win our "discussions" with his razor sharp, nasty mind, and I would end in tears, honestly believing I was crazy, stupid, and all the things he set out to convince me of. After years of therapy and so much growth I no longer believe any of that- and I have a part time job I love, I paint, garden, have great friends and relationships with my successful children. (who he has so alienated they can barely look at him) I still can't get away from this weak, nasty man who now has regressed to threatening cutting off finances, taking the house, abandoning us and, recently, physical assault. So much is complicated right now- I have beloved, elderly parents in decline, I love my house, I need the important bils to be paid by him.....I can't make big scary changes. Leaving isn't so easy. Physical battering would maybe make it easier to leave and I've almost hoped for a reason to call 911 and get him away from us.....
but at this point, websites like this help ground me in my faith in myself. Thank-you.

10:46 PM, July 22, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I’ve just been through an abusive situation which was approaching lethal.

Here’s what happened. In the last few days before my late husband’s death, I had a million medical questions about how to handle all sorts of life-and-death issues. When I told my late husband’s doctor that I felt bad about calling him so often, the doctor said he would simply call me each evening and we could discuss what was going on. I felt as grateful as a person could feel: here was a wise and knowledgeable person taking his personal time to help me in a time of extraordinary need. The doctor told me about how much he loved my late husband, and that he even cried when my late husband once showed some improvement.

After my late husband died, the nightly calls continued. The doctor explained that he treated the whole family in cases like this and he could be my psychiatrist in this difficult time. Again, I was as grateful as a person could be. The doctor was also (in appearance) a spiritual man, and we would even pray together over the phone. It was like having both a grief counselor and a psychiatrist and a priest, all in one person, and that miracle person was concerned about my well-being. He told me that he lived to serve and that he was born to heal, and that my happiness was the most important thing to him because he had loved My late husband so much. He also would often say that I was safe with him because he only wanted my happiness.

We ended up talking about things like my less-than-perfect relationship with my father…and a hundred things that I would normally reserve for only the most trusted friend in the world. I ended up looking forward to the calls because whatever I was going through, he seemed like the wise, all-understanding counselor who could make things better and help me to look at things in fresh, affirming way.

However, the calls gradually changed tone. It began when we discussed the morphine doses that the Hospice nurse provided me with to help my late husband through his last days. The doctor told me that at the dosage I had used, I had shortened his life. (I’ve since checked with the Hospice nurse who told me that if anything we under-medicated him and that the doses would never have shortened his life.) I don’t know if you can imagine the turmoil and sleepless nights this caused me, but at the time I was too trusting to even think of checking with Hospice, I simply believed him, that I had done something of unimaginably horribleness. The doctor told me that our Heavenly Father would forgive me and would understand, but we needed to pray for His forgiveness. We did a lot of praying together.

From then on, it was a downward spiral. The phone calls, which once I could set my clock by, now became erratic. He’d tell me he’d call on Monday, but not call for a couple of days, and then invariably come up with some excuse such as that I had misunderstood the day, or Monday night he was stuck in traffic and didn’t get home in time, or he had been talking with his son until it was too late to call. Looking back, it’s mysterious to me that I wanted him to call because most calls left me feeling worthless as a human being; because I was rich, no one was really my friend but was only polite to me because of what they could get from me. He’d also talk about how for my entire life, I never had any honest relationships because people always wanted something from me. However, he (he said) was honest with me, and it was good for me to feel this pain because it was the first time that I had ever experienced real life and I shouldn’t run from this pain because I would be a happier, more real, more alive person at the end of it, when I learned to see the world as it really is.. He said I was an emotional virgin and had never allowed myself to feel before and this was the healthiest thing that could possibly happen to me.

Only it wasn’t. I’ve never been suicidal in my life (and never will be), but I kept thinking that I would be better off if I could only be in my late husband’s grave beside him. I lost the ability to sleep and I couldn’t stand being around other people. I’m normally a sociable and upbeat person, but now, on top of my grief over losing my late husband, I felt that I couldn’t go to any of my friends for support because underneath, they all had contempt for me.

During this time, he let me know that it would be the right thing to do to give $30,000 to a charity that will benefit his work. I gave it, and actually, I don’t regret that because it is a charity that does good things. But then, he let me know that it would please him if I would give $1000 to a project that would benefit him professionally. The $5000 is also something that I think is a worthy effort, and I was on the point of giving it…but then suddenly, like last week, I WOKE UP.

We were at a meeting, and I looked at him and suddenly thought, WHY ON EARTH AM I LISTENING TO ANYTHING THIS JERK SAYS? Judge a tree by its fruits: I was a happy, productive person and he’s reduced me, a grieving vulnerable widow, to someone who feels she would be better off joining her husband in his grave. And I’m already someone who misses her husband almost more than she can stand.

Well, that’s what happened. I don’t think I’m vulnerable to him any more, but I would bet money that since he was so slick about it, that he’s done it to other people.

But as others on this blog have stated, he, like other abusive people, is as charming and attractive as a person can be. And he’s in a profession (medicine) that makes you incline to trust.

8:46 PM, July 23, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Eileen I commend you for your strength & courage and wisdom. so many people just turn their heads and look away as though it is not their problem even when asked for their help. I am in a 21 year marriage that has covered all aspects of abuse, I sent my husband a letter today putting the facts in black & white for him and let him know that I was holding him accountable no matter how pissed he get's at me... he made a comment to me less than a week ago and said it not once but 3 times while squeezing the back of my neck "I would kill you but there would be to much paperwork!" he has since claimed it was just a joke but I dont believe or trust in him anymore. so many of your definitions hit right on the facts... I have endured so much I find myself becoming bitter towards him and I am simply not a bitter person at heart so it was very difficult to find myself feeling this way towards him. I could in no way tell you my experiences there are so many. leaving is very difficult as I have no family and yes no friends so it is hard. he has not talked to me in 2 days and has denied me food for 2 days as well so I know my time has come to move on though I wonder why I have to give up my home since it was he who moved in with me but he refuses to leave though I have asked him to several times he dont physically abouse me anymore like hitting & such so calling police is not an option for me as how do you prove enotional & verbal abuse? I will survive I know this for sure though it hurts very much to leave it will hurt much more to stay. Only those who have felt this wrath of abuse know how truly painfull it is and what all it involves... when I called my friend/his friend today asking for their help to get him to leave they made the comment well hes not like that I told them no to them he is not they see the man he wants them to see but that here behind closed doors he very much is that way, they just said well we dont think he would listen to us and they hung up, sad but true. I want to wish everyone out there good luck and God bless... let today be the first day to the rest of your life of freedom.

2:28 AM, July 29, 2005  
Ceridwen said...

Dear Eileen,

Thank you very much for your reply on why couples(therapy) doesn't work. It shocked me somewhat to read more or less exactly what happened in my "relationship" from somebody else. And then even have this backed up from somebody else (I understood she was your former almost-relative).

My ex, Frank, has been in therapy for about five or more years, and boy, is _he_ a good, smooth sensitive talker. Which is probably what he is doing in his own therapy, was doing in both rounds of couples therapy and in violence-counselling as well. Seems he actually even got the counselors convinced that his being violent was _my_ fault. (He got me convinced as well, for a while).

I still have a lot of glue in my hand (and _thank_ you for giving me a word for this), so I am still often doubting and questioning myself if a lot of our issues weren't my fault, after all. Even the couples therapists said that my trust-issue was a major problem. Alas, not all therapists have clear vision. Unfortunately, during the development of our "relationship" Frank even managed to discredit my therapist, calling her a prejudiced man hater, just because she voiced her concert rather early, that he might have a violence issue. Well, guess on whose side I was...

Sorry, I didn't mean to carry on that much.

Ever since I found your website I have been looking for a good message board on which to communicate with other women in similar situations. Should you know of one (preferably not DrIrenes, which has too much of a political and commercial air about it), I'd really very much appreciate if you could let me know, either on this blog or by a short eMail (ring.of.fire(at)gmx.net)? So far I have only found individual stories, or messages full of hatred. Of course, it is extremely important to finally raise ones voice and start feeling anger, but I am looking for a place on the web that is _also_ about healing and understanding - but including a separate "anger space"

I am looking forward to watching not only this great project but to see your growing strength behind it all.

Warm Regards,
Ceridwen

btw - typos and grammatical errors are not because of "my stupid" *gg* but due to English not being my maternal language.

4:46 AM, August 01, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I would like to thank you for making this site. It has really opened my eyes.

I always felt like something was not right in my relationship. I used to be a strong, motivated, and social girl until i started going out with my current boyfriend.

Slowly and surely he coersed me away from my friends and my hobbies, only to spend as much time that i possibly could with him. He was (and mind you still is) manipulative. He controlled me with put downs and judgemental comments on my ideas, dreams, friends, actions and so on... He disagreed strongly on many choices i had made earlier in my life and took the fun and liberty of putting me down for it. I had to cut all ties with my friends of the opposite sex...god forbid i had a male friend!! I had to plan my life around him...i had to seek his approval before making plans....Eventually (after two years) I became the person i am today.....numb and lost...lost somewhere between reality and a nightmare. I made most of my life choices around him...some of them i regret terribly.... You ask why are you with him? well as some of you might probably not understand... i love the guy.

I love the good in him. But i rarely see that side of him these days...and i fear that i need to do something about it. I want to be free..free to be accepted as who i am. I have contemplated suicide in the past...i believe in part because i was depressed due to my low self esteem that was catalysed by him.

And the sad thing is i always blammed myself...well not anymore..i understand now and i understand him..he is an abuser..

So what will i do? confront him sounds nice but i read the section on addmiting abuse and yeah i don't think he's a candidate for that....

But please i need advice from women who left already.. where did you find your strength? because that is what i need right now....a whole lotta strength...to move forward with my life and to realize that i am NOT CRAZY!!!!

12:53 AM, August 04, 2005  
Eileen said...

You don't need to find strength out here. Your strength is in the same place it's always been.

You know that. You just stop listening to your own voice. Shhh .... listen.

You are not crazy, and you know it.

10:03 PM, August 04, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Yeah!

4:51 PM, August 06, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I love your site...it will offer much needed insight to many women who are blinded by their love for their abusive partners....I commend you for your work!!

A survivor

9:39 PM, August 09, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Hi Eileen,

First I'd like to thank u for your courage to not only deal with your abuser, but sharing your story with all of us and helping us get into perspective.
I have been married for a year and we dated for 6 years. I believe that, after reading your story and other info on the net about emothional abuse, that my husband is emotionally abusing me. I'm not sure what I should do at this point, because I have to admit that I've always ignored the situation, mainly because I thought that his qualities were better than his faults. I realise that I am so tired now and that his abuse has changed me and turned me into someone that i am not. i think i should try and start with really finding myself again.
I would like to share what really made me think about what was happening in my relationship. My husband began to talk to me about having children and I (although I love kids) can not even imagine myself having a child with someone who thinks that he knows best always and doesn't see other reasons. My husbands believes that a woman should do everything - work hard for his projects, keep the house tidy for his guests, be a loving wife always, especially when he feels like having sex ect.
I love my husband too much, and that has always been my enemy. I am a confident woman, but i realise now that i'm like that only on the outside, because the inside is shattered.
Thank u for listening and good luck to all of u with this problem.

1:14 PM, August 13, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Eileen, thank you so much for this site!! I found it just in time. I broke up with a very emotionally abusive and controlling man. Unfortunately I was pregnant at the time and he used the pregancy and my past depression to form allies at our workplace and in my own family. He had them convinced that he was just a good guy trying to help me out. He started harassing me and then got his family and friends and my own sister to spy on me by convincing them that I cut him off for no reason and could not take care of myself! People who really know me saw through all of his lies but mostly I was surrounded my people who thought I was crazy for pushing away such a "nice guy". He is really ugly to me one on one and I was fed up. Unfortunately I just lost the baby and contacted him again to let him know that. We ended up fighting about the harassment that has happened since the break up and about how he has turned everyone against me and wrecked my relationship with my sister. He tried every tactic you listed here to blame me for the things he has done and the lies he has told. He will not accept responsibility or tell everyone he was lying about me, yet he wants me to believe that he loves me and he wants me to take him back and marry him and try to get pregnant again- and he was nice enough to yell at me that he didn't even care if the I became crazy while I was preganant cause he still loves me. Gee, thanks... I haven't had a problem with depression in years (every since my divorce from another abuser I've been fine) and I don't appreciate the lack of respect and empathy and the obvious manipulation to try to force me to accept the abuse and enter into an unhealthy relationship. I rather just cut all these toxic people loose and let them all grumble about how I lost out on a good thing. Why don't they marry him? I mourn the loss of my baby but I have to also say I dodged a bullet because now there is absolutely no reason for this "man" to be in my life anymore in any way. Your website and all of the information about how abusers should accept responsibility has helped me to see that I was correct in believing he will never change and I just can't live a life as a victim. We are supposed to have a "closure"/peaceful parting of ways discussion soon. I fully expect that he will still try to use the conversation to convince me that I am breaking up with him over petty reasons and that dispite his obvious malice for me I should believe he loves me. I feel that because of your site's validation, I am better able to stand up for my self and hold fast to my convictions. I want to go on with my life and I will say goodbye to him knowing that's best for both of us. He needs to get counselling and not be in a relationship until he knows how to really love someone and show them empathy. I can't thank you enough!

9:41 AM, August 14, 2005  
going in circles said...

After I told my husband I was leaving because he was emotionally abusive this is what he wrote me. It took me so long to understand this was abuse. It starts out sounding so cooperative but gets manipulative as it goes further. For so long I thought it could get better, I thought if I could only make him understand how much I care and want our relationship to be healthy he will not loose his temper so easily. I know it will never change. He will continue to blame me for everything and insist is is I who am abusive.

Brian wrote: I am glad you took the time to write this.

I don't feel it is entirely fair, but I do believe that you believe that you are not abusive and that everything is my fault.

That fact helps me know that now that we are finished you were not being rational, as it is never someone's fault by themselves.

As they say, it takes two to tango.

I wish we could remember something nice about one another now that our marriage is over.

I am not going to be capable of going on with our relationship now that you have had this epiphany that I am solely responsible for your sad feelings.

That is unfair, untruthful, and mean; I would think you would be more perceptive given your education.

I do know you though, and you have been incapable of seeing any flaw in yourself for more than a few minutes.

Just as you say I have not sought help, you have been too proud to seek help for yourself, I am sorry for this- you need it too.

How sad you'll never seek it until it is too late because you will blame me and not your own chemical imbalances.

I believe you will be happy again, and it will be without me and probably with someone else.

I wish you the best and I mean it sincerely.

I am sorry you believe I will never have a relationship with another person, that is pretty harsh, I guess I should be feeling suicidal about that but I am not- nobody can know that and someone who says something like that must really be spiteful.

I feel relieved that our lives are going to go on, since you have confounded my identity beyond belief too by dismissing my family while forcing me to embrace yours.

I am happy I will no longer be solely responsible for your misery, maybe you were wrong, however laughable that may seem to you.

This email you have written indicates that we are finished, just as I suggested earlier, I think it has been written on the wall for a long time.

The contempt you can treat me with indicates you don't view me as a person with feelings, but a thorn in your side.

I have tried to find a good person in the mess of my bi-polar disorder and abusive past, but I don't need to blame that, as you have chosen to blame me for everything you have mishandled in your life.

I thought we had invested so much in one another.

Me in you, as well as you in me.

I don't expect you to remember or think of these things.

I will just hope that you will remember that I tried my best, always, and I guess you have attributed my failures to how I have been raised.

I will need to get my medicine and I will stay in my own house, so perhaps you can stay in Ft Lupton tonight with people who treat you right until you or I can find another place to live.

I do think I will keep the apartment since I dont think you can afford it.

You just need to take PB and your stuff and leave.

I don't want to talk.

I needed closure and I am glad I got it.

It was nice knowing you and I will remember you for the nice things you did for me, not the ugly way in which you have cast my whole being in that last email.

I do know that you think you are not being cruel, just truthful.

It's a shame- I gave you everything I had to give and it was nothing but a noose around your neck.

I know your life will be better now that you have cast the anchor of my existence away, and I know mine will too.

I am excited to be able interact with new people without being judged and doubted and mistrusted constantly.

9:15 PM, August 16, 2005  
going in circles said...

There are so many letter like these I have gotten from Brian. All the same. I don't know how I didn't understand this was emotional abuse.

9:16 PM, August 16, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I arrived at this site from links starting at the Dr. Sam Vaknin web page, "Malignant Self Love, Narcissism Revsited". If you've ever wondered what goes on in your abuser's head, what drives them to do the things they do, I recommend you peruse this website. Be forewarned though, it's a disturbing read, at least it was for me, and I'm not sure why. Maybe because nineteen years ago I married "Charming Bill"; but soon after the wedding I discovered the existence of "Uncharming Bill" and I guess it's hard for me to let go of the image of the wonderful person the abuser convinced me he was. He was so convincing because he's so CONVINCED. Anyway, if you decide to check out this site, be sure not to miss Dr. Sam's description of ambient abuse. I found it to be a shocking, accurate description of my married life.

I dropped out of college and married Bill when I was nineteen years old. I'm now 39 and separated since Febuary. Leaving was an excruciating, scary process. If it were possible to die from anxiety I would have; and yet something kept driving me on. Maybe it was a mother's love or God or Wellbutrin, or some small, desperate, surviving shred of healthy consciousness. All I know is that in June of '04 (just like that old Ace of Base song) I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes and there was no going back.

Nine months after my wedding day, I gave birth to my daughter. She was and always will be the love of my life, and that fact made "Uncharming Bill" very angry. Because I grew up without a father I wanted so much for my girl to have a loving father-daughter relationship, but that was not to be. In fact, to him she was the competition, the enemy. The way he interacted with her made me cringe! For example one day we were teaching her to ride a bike. She was struggling, but trying really hard. When she'd fall instead of giving sympathy and encouragement, he'd get angry and tell her how worthless she was. This went on for about 30 minutes and she kept getting more and more nervous and discouraged. Finally she fell and really started bleeding and he screamed, "Jesus Christ, you dumbass! Don't even try! You'll never learn to do it!" She was crying and bleeding and believing everything her father was telling her and let me tell you people, if I'd been armed, the bastard would be dead right now. I said, "BILL-JUST-GO-HOME" and he did. I picked my daughter up, kissed her, gave her a pep talk and she was riding that bike by herself in about 5 minutes. It was because of incidents like that, that I tried to minimize the interaction Bill had with our daughter. Nowadays she's puzzled by the fact that she can't remember doing anything with her dad at all during her childhood. I thought I could be the best Mom in the world and she would be O.K. Like a good Mom could counter-balance a bad Dad, but it was unrealistic, because something really bad happened to my daughter. When she was fourteen she was raped and sexually molested by a teacher. Child molesters are really good at picking victims. They look for that vulnerable kid who needs a father figure. The sociopathic teacher was an experienced predator who moved from school to school leaving a trail of devastated girls. And he was so much like my daughter's father-they were the same age, both were charming, manipulative, and two-faced. My daughter never told anyone about the sexual battery. Alone, she suffered from nightmares and post-traumatic stress for 3 years. My mother had a poignant comment on that, "I understand why she never told anybody, because according to her father, everything was ALWAYS her fault!" Finally, my daughter's sanity started to unravel as she approached her 18th birthday. The rapist had told her he was going to come get her when she turned 18. The closer it got to her birthday, the more desperate and suicidal she became. In less than 6 months she went from being an honor student to a crack addict. She tried to hide her condition but it was becoming more and more obvious to me that something had gone seriously wrong with her. Bill maintained that she was just being the pain in the ass he always knew she was. On a night when we thought she was staying with a girlfriend she was arrested for driving under the influence of cocaine and sent to juvenile detention. That was the first and only night Bill got physical with me. He smashed me face into a pillow and said, "it's not always about YOU!" My daughter was placed in an excellent treatment program and that's when the truth came out about the abuse. The authorities became involved, and the teacher was arrested. So here is the part about when I FINALLY saw the sign. One morning Bill and I were sitting on the sofa drinking coffee. I was having a bittersweet week emotionally. Bitter because even though I wasn't supposed to, I'd read the police report and I found out exactly what the teacher had done to my daughter. She still couldn't talk to me about it. In my mind I was hoping it had been some kind of Lolita thing, bad but not horrific maybe. But he'd been unspeakably cruel, really cruel. I was in anguish about that but also hopeful, because for the first time in about 6 months I was starting to believe that my daughter would live. She'd been in such bad shape that people told me to expect the worse. And I'd been to two funerals for kids in that treatment program, so I expected the worse. But against all odds she was doing amazingly well. She had graduated from high school, got her job back and got promoted. Her therapist said she'd made more progress than most people make in years. The people from Child Protective Services were amazed by her beautiful personality and strength and sent cards and gifts to her graduation party. She also overcame her drug addiction with one round of treatment which is very rare. (She is still clean and is studying law). And she was accomplishing all of this during a difficult and public criminal trial. Of course the teacher being the charming socio-path that he is, got a lot of support in the community. (Even after previous victims came foreward! Even after he admitted he'd started seeing his wife-also a teacher-when she was 13! Her parents paid for the legal defense!)So I had to hear more abusive stuff from people about my kid. Anyway all this was swirling in my head that morning while Bill and I were drinking coffee. Our daughter shuffled out of bed, came downstairs to say good-morning and then went out on the deck to smoke a cigarette. Bill turned to me and said with absolute disgust in his voice, "Isn't..she..gross." And to me that was the end. That was IT. After that point nothing "Charming Bill" could ever say or do could hide who he was, who he REALLY was. The next time the therapist came to the house I told her I was done with Bill. She tried to convince me that marriage counseling would be good, that Bill seemed to really respond to therapy. I said, "Remember that time you came up with those beautiful things Bill could say to our girl, and how he should hug her and tell her how much he loved and supported her? He seemed all gung-ho about it but two seconds after you walked out the door he turned to me and said,'yeah, like I'm going to say that shit to her!' and I told him, 'listen to you, you can't even be supportive and hug your own daughter'." The therapist looked at me and said, "ok, yeah, 'she's gross' is pretty strong language. Please wait until the trial is over."

Even though I'd been brainwashed into believing that I was either retarded or mental, I returned to college in January of this year. I moved out in Febuary. I earned a 4.0 and an entrance to the honors program. When my therapist asked me why it meant so much for me to have those grades for validation I told her I absolutely needed to see OBJECTIVE PROOF that I was competent. MY daughter continues to improve. (The teacher took a guilty plea-lost his license, no jail). I feel some serious guilt because my daughter suffered emotional abuse along with me. She confided that she used to go to her friends and cry because she wanted her parents to get a divorce so she wouldn't have to deal with her father. But I'm not sure leaving him earlier would have helped. Would it have been worse for her to be alone with him for custody visits? What would have happened if he got full custody, which could have happened since my husband makes a six-figure income and I had/have no job or education.

Like I said in the beginning, leaving was scary. When I started back to school, I thought I wouldn't have anything in common with the kids, but I fit in way too well. It's like I've been in suspended animation for twenty years. That's scary. I'm broke, that's scary. I didn't feel capable of taking care of myself, but I'm getting some distance now and that irrational fear is starting to fade! Amazing! Without the constant negativity my social anxiety is withering away. I can look people directly in the eyes now. I have long stretches of feeling good. Before, they were just flickers of peace, now they last awhile. I'm just starting to remember who I really am.

I'm studying art education. One of our design projects was to clip several images together in such a way as to change the meaning of the objects. In the left hand corner of my picture is an open bird cage. In the middle of the page a bird is trying to fly but a large pair of garden shears is poised over her wing. The bird is flying toward the open mouth of a tiger in the right hand corner. Over all the images the words from a song are written in script. "did they get you to trade, your heroes for ghosts, hot ashes for trees, hot air for a cool breeze, cold comfort for change, did you exchange a walk-on part in the war for the lead role in a cage?" I showed this picture to my therapist. I told her I was frustrated because I'm free, but I'm afraid the world will destroy me. She said, "You see the world that way, because that's where you've been. You're flying away from the tiger's mouth."

4:30 PM, August 18, 2005  
Mystified said...

To all the anymous people who have left meaningless and hurtfull remarks. You are no better than Eileen or I, because eventhough you can't see it now; You also play the fool. One day you'll see.
There is nothing false or make-belive in the statements that have been made on this site. This is very real. This is my life, This is the horror I live; Only I have two children who suffer this abuse as well. What kind of people are you to neglect a cry for help. Where is your love and compassion for those in need. Is your faith in the Lord so small that your willing to protect those who destroy the lives of others without feeling or remorse. People who minupulate again and again only to gain what they percieve to be security and power. These men are spinless in the real world, that's why they pray only on women and children. You'll never see them ever stand up to a man. Not even to protect their wives or children. These men will tell you anything and everything you want to hear, and never keep their word.
They'll promise you the world, make you love them more than you love yourself. You will give up every dream or goal you've ever had, To prove your love for them.
You will let them win; no use in
thinking you won't. They will hunt
you untill they see you in a moment of weakness. Thats when he'll strike. Comforting you and selling you that he's the most compassionate and considerate man in the world, and you'll be hooked; no need in beliveing that you won't be. You might think your smart, and that you have the intellegence to unmask these men in their act of deciet; but you have no Idea. Were all smart, and we all lack the love we desire and when someone gives you that gift you've been waiting for your entire life your brain will be defeated by your heart and you to will see this pain I believe will never heal.
Maybe you should ask yourselves
just what your state of mind would be when you finally open your eyes and realized that your dream man, who at one time made you belive that he was your knight in shining armor. The one who made you believe that there was no possible way that you'd ever experienced love before untill he walked into
your life.... Turned out to be nothing more than a lier, a cheat, a master of minipulation all at your expense. How do you think it feels to have believed that for six years of your life, and two children later, when no dreams or
goals remain. Only thousands of
dollars in bills left in your name alone. Convinced you to believe that together you we're building a
future for your family when all the
wile you were destroying your soul,
along with every good quality in
yourself. How do you think it feels to have sacrificed it all for
who NEVER EVEN ONCE... had an ounce of love in his heart that was ment for you. All he needed from you was to make himself look like a king. The ugly guy gets beautiful girl only to boost his ego. You have no Idea what it's like to suddenly struggle in the
reality of caring for your children
who feel this pain you feel, and not a one of you is strong enough
to except the hurt you feel in side, but you know you have to keep going in order to survive.


All beacuse he refuses to help you.
You don't know the pain that consumes you when you look into the eyes of two beautiful children and see an emptiness the can't
understand. All because they...just like me loved more than
anything a man who once called
himself their father. Who could
care less about the pain and
torment he's caused them. He cares
for them no more. He has a new prey now, and we a Obselete.
So now I ask myself "If everyone
in the entire world is heartless
I just don't understand how you
people look yourselves in the mirror every day and think you have a right to pass judgement on a person whose shoes you've been
fortunate enough not to have walked
in.
Selfishness will never make you
happy it will only leave you lonely You should walk with the Lord insead of the path you have chosen, for it is tainted with all the wrong elements for enjoying a life of happines, faith, stregnth, trust, and love. What else is there?


I'd also like to express how proud I am of Sad for having the courage to face your fears and insecurities,and for being able to admit and apoligize for your mistakes. I hope you find a way to help your son. I'll pray for you both. Good Luck!

3:11 AM, August 21, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Thank you... This site has changed my life! I recently was freed from a very emotionally and verbally abusive marriage. It even turned physical toward the end. I could not understand why my husband treated me the way that he did or what I was doing to cause him to be so great to everyone else and so horrible to me. Your site showed me that it has nothing to do with me and that I am not alone. Reading about other women, your personal story and excerpts from that book "Malignant Self Love" described my husband EXACTLY!! I feel vindicated!! This man has his friends and family convinced that I am crazy and he is the victim... Thankfully, I had a police report and hospital records to show who is telling the truth! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I now know that I can get back my life and break away from his abuse. I needed to know that it was abuse & when I read about the types of abuse and the tactics, he has done and used almost all of them.

While I still cannot believe that this is what happened to me ( I feel stupid that I am only seein the red flags now in hindsight), I am eternally gratefful to have stumbled upon yoursite and the stories just like mine & know that I am no the problem, he is.

4:09 AM, August 21, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I have been married for the past 11 yrs + my husband has been continuously abusing me. He degraded me and is still doing the same. He humiliates me and tells me that I m a bad wife and that I don’t know how to treat him. He humiliates my family members as well. I feel extremely sick because of his harsh words. He never gives me a chance to talk. I thought I was really a bad wife until I read your story. I have tried in many ways to change myself to fit his description but nothing seems to work. He still abuses me. Whenever he gets angry he shouts at me and tells me to get out of the house and says that nothing belongs to me and that everything is his! I feel extremely lonely. You know he made me have no relationship with my relatives. I have no family support. I m very worried about my children’s future. What should I do? I love him very much. Is there no way to make him understand his mistake and to make him a better person? In the eyes of others, he is a very fine man. A gentleman! I don’t want to leave him because my kids need a father figure.

4:24 AM, August 23, 2005

9:45 PM, August 23, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Great job Eileen! I feel so much better after reading this. I have been married for 6 years now and we have a 5 year old little boy. My situation is nowhere near as "frontal" as your is. Sean is obviously abusive and needs help badly. My situation was always a bit more "vague" to me. More subtle. But now I am sure that it is abusive after reading the experiences of all the wonderful women and men who have posted their letters here. I waiver back and forth in thinking that my husband is the most loving, generous man on the face of the planet, to thinking he is dangerous, unbalanced and I need to get out of here NOW. At first he would have an occassional outburst that just didn't fit the circumstance. I KNEW at that time that his behavior was wrong and violent and uncalled for and we discussed it and he always told me that I was right. Nowadays though, it is my fault if I make him angry because of the way I pose a question or my "atitude" when I am confronting him over an issue I feel strongly about. I am sure, just as he says, I have abusive qualities too. I have seen some of them in myself while searching for answers on the web. I am the child of an emotionally and mentally abusive mother. I am only now at 35 coming to believe that and say it outloud. My entire family has told me about my mother's abuses and I am now finally able to "let go" and see her for what she did to me. I fear I am going to repeat that cycle with my own child. I fear that my husband's violent ranting and raving, name calling and at times physical (though not against me but furniture or walls, etc..) tantrums are causing great damage to my son. He has only ever witnessed one of these outbursts and that was when I said enough and told my husband I was leaving him and that I was afraid of him, his outbursts and the emotional well being of our child. He cried, begged forgiveness, the usual, but he is back at it again. Most times though he is sooo caring and concerned about my happiness. He really does do an awful lot of considerate loveing things for me, but I know now that those good things do not mean he can become abusively angry with me. It just isn't okay. I don't know what to do now really. I know I have to leave, but where do I go? I am dependent on him now for money. I had a great career before but now what do I do? I don't want to be a waitress for the rest of my life, struggling to pay the rent. All of my sons life spent with babysitters that I can't afford and don't trust. I have no family to turn to. I have no savings. I am utterly lost and so lonely and confused. I know I have to work this out on my own and I will. I have always been independent and strong. My advice to all women out there is NEVER give up your own life, work, etc...for a man. THAT is always the problem. Especially if you have children. If I did not have my son, I would have been out of here YEARS ago. I am sure of that. That seems to be the question that you need to answer if you think you are being abused. "If money were not an issue and I could go anywhere and do anything in the world, would I take "him" with me."

Thanks so much for giving me a little boost of courage. To put so much effort into this website in order to help other women AND men is brave, daring, strong and beautiful. Here's to all the Eileen's of the world. We are all better off for your strength. Thank you.

Signed,
Scared to death

12:07 AM, August 24, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Regardless of any one person, author, or the dynamics of any one experience, or relationship, or even various people's opinions about any one given relationship - the main overarching concepts, content body in terms of definitions, and societal applications of this web page are extremely valuable. Thank you very much for all the work that went into this. There are many people that need this support and source of empowerment to take action for their own health and safety. Possibly re-access any elements based on legitimate feedback, that are undermining the true impact and effectiveness of your work. It is too important to too many people, and definitley worth making it as objective and openly unconditional as possible. Many, who need help will be hesitant to respond, because they will fear the criticism of other site users about their comments. This is not the place for judgement. But it might be a place that can change someone's life.

7:38 AM, August 26, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Hello out there. Im 20 years old, and I was wondering if someone could help me. From last September until Last March I was in an abusive relationship. Emotionally, I got ridiculed for being Jewish, being 'ugly' being stupid and just about anything else you could think of. I got pushed around and slapped. And many a night of 'Dont you say no to me, bitch'

And its over. I left him after he cheated on me for the millionth time. But I dont know how to feel normal again. Im afraid of everything. I cry a lot more. I throw up/feel sick for no reason.

How do I feel ok again? Where do I go for help?

Thanks so much,

Rae

8:51 PM, August 26, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Hello out there. Im 20 years old, and I was wondering if someone could help me. From last September until Last March I was in an abusive relationship. Emotionally, I got ridiculed for being Jewish, being 'ugly' being stupid and just about anything else you could think of. I got pushed around and slapped. And many a night of 'Dont you say no to me, bitch'

And its over. I left him after he cheated on me for the millionth time. But I dont know how to feel normal again. Im afraid of everything. I cry a lot more. I throw up/feel sick for no reason.

How do I feel ok again? Where do I go for help?

Thanks so much,

Rae

8:51 PM, August 26, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Rae ~
I'm not a professional, but I've been there and I think perhaps you have post traumatic stress disorder. It's common among people who have been abused, and from your description you have survived absolute hell. Don't take it lightly. EMDR treatment is helpful for many people to treat PTSD; start looking for help here : http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/facts/treatment/fs_seeking_help.html

Info about EMDR treatment:
www.emdr-therapy.com

You won't recognise yourself again until you can clear the fog of PTSD.


Open your phone book and find someone under "Counselors" that can help - PTSD will only get worse; nightmares, insomnia, flashbacks, depression; it's real, and it's not a sign of weakness - it's the normal result of trauma - and few things are more traumatic than abuse. Please trust a therapist can help. Good luck.

10:06 PM, August 26, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Very interesting site. Wanted to share these:

http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com

http://groups.msn.com/narcissisticpersonalitydisorder/thesmearcampaignoftheabuser.msnw

10:52 PM, August 27, 2005  
Anonymous said...

WOW! Your WeAreNotCrazy.com is one of the best sites I have found dealing with abuse issues. It is complete and comprehensive in it's descriptions and examples for all the tricks abusers use. The jokes, denial, baiting etc.

I grew up in an abusive household. My parents are what I now call 'tag-team' abusers. When one was being abusive, the other one was the great comforter. Then comes the tag, and all the confidences are spilled, and there is verbal, mental and physical abuse from the other one. My brother was never subjected to any of this, and to this day they all deny any of it ever happened. Any beatings I received I brought on my self.

It is no wonder I ran away at 16 to a 28 year old man. He offered me the freedom I thought I wanted, but instead gave me the abuse and control I had learned to live with.

I myself am now working through issues dealing with the life I gave my daughter. I married a man who's family belong to an abusive religious cult, Jehovah's Witnesses. With them it is a chicken/egg thing; are they abusive because of the religion, or did they fall for it because they are naturally inclined to abuse? Knowing their history, I have to say they are naturally inclined to be abusive. My daughter was set up at my Mother in Law's hands to be raped by a non believing relative. How my husband survived to be such a gentle and loving soul, I'll never know. I am lucky and grateful we made it out together and alive.
My daughter is beyond my control now, but I hope she gets the help she needs.

4:27 PM, August 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Eileen,

I read yocr blog with tears streaming down my face. The abuse only continued as Sean and his friends said horrible things about you.

I was married for 10 years to a physically and verbally abusive man. I divorced him and am now married to a man who doesn't verbally or physically abuse, but emotionally abuses me by withholding sex and affection.

I had an affair with a man that verbally and emotionally abused me. I am starting to think the problem is me. I have no clue as to how to choose a mate. The ones that come on to me must sense that I am a prime target.

I am so glad that people like yourself are out there writing and educating the public. I pray for freedom from all of this one day.

Bless you

9:44 PM, September 08, 2005  
jewel said...

Eileen,

I've been in a relationship like yours was for three years. I thought he had multiple personality disorder. We talked about taping our arguments too. He won't do it now but it seems to be because he has realized his problems and is seeking help for them. I didn't force him into it. How could I have without putting a gun to his head? He's doing it on his own. Thank GOD. I don't know how much longer I could have lasted. Your conversation is as close to one of ours as it could get. The diverting tactics are what get to me. He did it to me just last night. I said, "TV's kinda loud isn't it? I feel like I'm being yelled at." That was IT. He threw himself out of the recliner, turned the tv down too low to hear and threw the remote on the couch. Within moments, we were arguing about how I had jokingly asked him if he was "with" the new neighbor and he was accusing me of being the one with the past of cheating (on exes who had cheated as well). I can't change what I did in the past and I have NEVER cheated on my bf. Sigh. It's never ending. Just glad he's getting help and congratulations on straightening out your life.

12:35 PM, September 09, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Wow after reading everyone's entries on this website I sure do have a lot to say. I was married for 6 years and with my ex husband for 11 years total. We have three beautiful girls together. As a child I was sexually abused by my mother's live-in boyfriend. So I know I have some issues regarding sex. My ex husband was mostly emotionally violent to me, calling me names, leaving clues that he was unfaithful, telling me that no one would ever love me, men would only want me for sex and since I wasn't even good at that they wouldn't want me at all. Throughout our 6 year marriage he cheated on me at least 4 times a year. He even convinced my best friend to be with him, by filling her head with lies about me. When I asked him why he slept with her, his reply was that he wanted to know what it was like to sleep with somebody thin. At this time I was very pregnant with our third child. We were in the militiary so I was no where near my family for support. Well this all continued for a long long time, finally I said screw it and began cheating on him ( yes I know 2 wrongs don't make a right) I needed a way to get even a little, but also by doing this I found that he was wrong and people could love me. Needless to say we ended up divorced thank goodness for my sanity however I then made another life altering decision. I left my three precious little girls with their dad, he was such an amaxing father to them, and being sexually abused as a child I wanted to take all measures that it would never happen to them. I ended up marrying a wonderful man, that loves me and my children, unfortunately I am not watching my ex mentally abuse my girls and he has pinned them against a wall and giving one of them a bloody nose, we have gone to court over all of this but since I relinquished custody in the beginnig I can't win them back, I have recently come to the conclusion that fighting this is a losing battle and I need to be there to support my girls so that they don't grow up thinking that this is an ok way to be treated. I have gone back to school so that the girls see that it is possible to do anything you put your mind to, well at least almost anything. The outcome of all of this is that, that bastard still says such mean awful things to both me and the girls and we still believe them, and he still have total control over my life because of the girls. I would never walk away and know they are going to deal with this the rest of their lives, sometimes I need someone to talk to but there really isn't anyone there because he has everyone thinking he is a wonderful person and a great father. He tells everyone I am an unfit parent and they all believe him, for the longest time my kids believed that I left them with their dad because I didn't love them enough. He calls my oldest daughter part time family because she is choosing to stay with me for a while, and when one of the other girls finally got the strength to go to a principal and let them know what was going on at home, he told her that she had just ruined their family and now he was going to go to jail, needless to say she changed her story and the judge let them once again stay with their dad. I have no one to talk to that understands and at least I can get my feelings out on this blog so that you so my Eileen for coming forward with your life story, who know maybe I will find the strength to tell mine so that I might somewhere out there find some kind of support system! I could definately use it, I would really like to know how I can be married to such an amazing man and still feel like I am the scum of the earth and a terrible mother when he says it. The main thing is my ex husband uses the girls to still maintain control over me and he is good at it. He keeps me jumping through hoops for those girls. If there is anyone out there that is going through this and needs to talk I am here for you if you need someone to vent to because I could use someone to vent to also

7:56 PM, September 09, 2005  
Lynsey said...

Quote: "I also don't think "I'm lucky to be out" of our relationship. I'm dealing with the loss of the only relationship, the only man, I ever wanted to for rest of my life. It's extremely painful, ...I never wanted anything as much as I wanted a future with Sean without abuse. Accepting that it's an impossible dream is still something I struggle with daily. If you've just come out of an abusive relationship, I'm sure you understand."

Hi,
I came out today. For the final time I think. I have tried to leave before but no success. The same reasons, I am not leaving him because I do not love him, but because he can not stop the abuse.

Vaughan I love you so much, but I can not take the pain of your words anymore. Love Lynsey

2:22 PM, September 11, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Wow! This is exactly my life. After a verbally abusive session yesterday when I was grabbed by the arms, pushed into a room & barred from leaving it until his tirade was over, I thought "is this abuse?"

I guess if you think it is, than it most likely is. I am preparing to leave my abuser, but I wanted to let you know that this website was a reality check I desperately needed. To others out there, you are strong, beautiful & wise. He can never take that away but you may need to leave the relationship if he insistently tries to.

3:16 PM, September 11, 2005  
Anonymous said...

i just broke up with my boyfriend because after three years of his not being able to make up his mind, i just got tired of his shit. i got sick of him ignoring me for days, even weeks at a time, him trying to change the way i looked. mostly i was just tired of being ignored and my thoughts and feeling not relevent unless they agreed with his. i came by this web site by chance, and i now realize, somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain, i was emotionally abused. he is a very good man, who was ruined by another woman. he loved her and they almost got married, until she graduated from college and decided she wanted to lived her life. i could tell by the way he talked about her she never cared, just used him. he treated her like a godess and she screwed him for everything he had. about two months later, she met some guy and married him. my ex could not let that heartbreak go and learn to trust again. he even told me that maybe subconsciencly ( don't know if i spelled that right) he was trying to get back at her. i never have met the woman, but she ruined a good man. i don't believe he is capable of giving love. he cvan feel it but just can't give it because he's afraid of going through that pain again. anyway this website is wonderfull. keep up the good work. not all men are bad some are just ruined by a bad female and abuse of any kind can go both ways. thanks

4:24 AM, September 19, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Hi there

I recently started a relationship with somebody who was extremely loving, encouraging and supportive at a time when I was feeling extremely vulnerable. I had just started a new job, moved to a new town, had had an accident, and was really disorientated. He was very intense, but then started to get angry that I wasn't doing what he wanted, paying him enough attention, started to criticise me and my talents and abilities (when my self esteem was very low). It was beginning to affect my self confidence and my ability to concentrate on my job, so after trying to be understanding, I started to get angry and started lashing out, at which point he accused ME of being abusive. In a way, I was, but I had to stand up for myself. We had a showdown where he ripped into me and said that I made other people feel inadequate and that's why they didn't like me, and when I screamed back "have you finished? running me down to make YOURSELF feel better? then LEAVE MY HOUSE!!!" he crumpled and said "I'm sorry, you're the most talented and intelligent woman I know, it's just that you make me feel so small". Later, he denied everything. He said I was crazy, and that I had an overactive imagination and that the conversation had not happened.

I have left him. I felt so sad and disappointed as our relationship was so loving and affectionate to begin with. But I can't have a relationship with anybody that calls me crazy and questions my entire perspective on life to the point where I think I'm going mad. I had an abusive partner before, and I recognise the signs. What is worse is that he made out that I was the abuser. The whole thing has left me feeling really confused. Has anybody got any thoughts on how I can handle my instinct to fight tooth and nail when men attack me like this? It makes me feel like a hunted animal and I just lash out and try to tear them to pieces before they destroy me.

6:08 AM, September 22, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Today is the exact day my relationship started 8 months ago, and also the exact day that it has ended. It ended with him physically assaulting me for the first time, although the verbal and emotional assaults were nothing new.

70% of the characteristics of every abusive man that I have read described by most of you basically puts together the picture of my abusive ex.

He is generally well-liked, and some women would find him charming and attractive. In fact, he has a great need to be liked, to be listened to, to be validated, all the time. And he creates an external image of himself in order to be as such.

We had the greatest relationship, and also the really ugliest relationship ever. When things were good, he was the most attentive, caring, affectionate, being alive, and he would do anything (or claimed that he would) for me. The ugly side of him comes out inevitably - inevitably because I am still not so gone from myself that I still voice some opinions, which however so long as they oppose his in any way, basically means an argument that escalates into accusations, incessant messages that argued, fought, accused, you name it. Until it blows up into this huge horrible fight, and he threatens to, or actually does walk out to spend the night in a hotel.

This occurs about once every two weeks - so by my calculation, it has happened about 16 times. In the earlier days before we were living together, I would go off from his place (or get thrown out) when we had a fight, and he would make attempts to patch things up. Since we started living together about 5 months ago, his behaviour got progressively worse. Every little incident justified packing his bags regardless if it is in the middle of the night, and a threat to never come back, etc.

And I would be the one trying to get him back - admitting to every single incident being my fault, making my apologies, and basically admitting that I am a worthless human being. We would spend hours with him going through every single detail, every thing I said, how and when I did what, and why - to start the fight between us. And when he is finally satisfied that I do understand that basically I was an unreasonable, crazy, controlling, emotional, bitch - then would he relent.

These are just the tip of the iceberg of course. Anyway you put it, so long as we were in conflict or he was not being agreed with, I am a crazy slut, whore, bitch, psycho, the list goes on.

I realised a couple of months back that I am a large part of my own problem. In truth, we are all abusers to some extent, of ourselves and of others. I just could not let go - and I certainly understand it when some of you talks about this - how incredibly hard it is to let go, despite the length of time the abuse has taken place, and the amount of abuse, which gets progressively worse, never better.

The sad truth is that even after he slapped me, threw and shove me around, and tried to strangle me, and verbally abused me with the vilest things last night, I still wanted him back. This sounds really scary - even to myself. And he claimed that he physically assaulted me out of self-defense because I tried to hit him first. He is almost twice my size for one, and for two, I tried to stop him from leaving by standing in front of him and putting my hands on his chest and he knew that was what it was.

It is ironic of course - that he calls me crazy, psycho, controlling, abusive, etc. when he is the one who has been exhibiting all those characteristics for so long. One of his greatest fears is that he will go crazy like his dad did. He probably won't believe it, but his behaviour mirrors alot of his father (whom he professes to detest for how he treated his mother, him and his brother) - the obsessive need to be in control, to be the man of the house through domination and instilling fear, and demanding perfect behaviour otherwise you are "not the one for me".

I could go on - it was 8 months after all. I know, compared to some of you out there, 8 months is absolutely nothing, especially when I also did not have children to protect and think for. But these 8 months of horror - horror that I partly brought upon myself for holding on - has not yet ended. It lives on in me - little bits come up in my mind sometimes - a vile word, a sneer, sarcasm, put-downs, control, emotional threats... they hurt. And I am not sure when I will find the strength to get over him, and to heal from the hurts, and finally to move on with my life...

1:50 AM, September 23, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Well I am here because I am being put to the test as we speak...and I am falling backwards as usual.

I am married to someone who is verbally abusive, in fact I am begining to believe that maybe I cause him to talk to me that way...I think I can be abusive at times. I am in a 12 step program and both of my sponsors think it is how I respond to the way he talks to me.

Over the last year things have gotten really bad. He tells me how to pay the bills which is a constant struggle between us and gets mad at me when things are paid on time but he is usually the one who spends the money without having any to spend. I ended up drinking over this last year and because while I was drunk I felt completely hopeless that things would get better between him and I.

He was going up hunting for a weekend with the boys which I have always supported. I asked him specifically before he left not to go to the casino because we really didn't have the money for that. He assured me that he wouldn't "Oh honey I won't do that. I am not going to let you down." Well sure enough the next morning I happen to check our bank account on line and it is overdrawn. I actually gave him the benefit of the doubt first. I called and said I thought there was a problem with our checking account and did he find his debit card. He never phoned me back until later that day when I realized that he betrayed me, immediately after he left the house. I could just imagine him laughing and thinking screw her I am doing what I want. So the more I thought about it and events that had happened previously I got drunk. I had 4.5 years of sobriety at that point when I took that drink. While I was drunk I felt so hopeless that taking a bunch of pills might be a good idea, life was too fricking hard for me anyway so why not? Well I got scared and called the police. I ended up spending the weekend in the hospital feeling shameful and guilty at what I had done to my friends and my family.

To this day he says that I betrayed him by drinking, and constantly brings up my relapse when he is angry with me. He will make comments like well at least I am still sober...two weekends ago when I confronted him on an issue he called me a stupid fucking bitch and told me to go get drunk. This was after I found out he was spending time on a bunch of porn sites. More betrayal......

He has told me constantly to get my meds checked and that I am fucked up. He calls me all of the time and if I am not right home when I say I will be he gets angry.

He doesn't ask about my personal life, doesn't care about what I am interested in. He tells me who I can and cannot have over to the house and has gone as far as telling me what to wear on occasion.

I don't like to communicate with him because I feel crazy afterwards. We see things completely different and it just baffles me how his thinking can be so distorted, it makes me think maybe I am losing it.

He never hears things the way that I do. He constantly disagrees with me I think just to disagree. He has to be right..otherwise it damages his ego. All the while telling me it is my fault that he behaves this way.

My mother says well you know he was just angry. Same with my sister who is in an abusive relationship and has been for sometime.

Here is the kicker I am actually changing my mind about leaving. He bought me flowers yesterday, and a card and now is begging me not to leave. He says that he will do counseling, he will begin going to meetings again and will not surf the net for porn. I want to believe him and I don't want to hurt him.

I think that I need help, and I am afraid. I don't want to drink again because I fear that I might not make it next time. I have had thoughts of drinking which he doesn't understand......

9:21 PM, September 26, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Thank you so much. I had no idea until a few months ago that my relationship was abusive. All I knew was that after three years of marriage, I had become a sobbing, suicidal, overly-dependent, overemotional nut. I had no idea who to turn to. My husband seemed so sweet to everyone else. No one else knew about the explosive temper or horrible things he said to me behind closed doors. One day after a particularly nasty blowup, I found this website. I have been thankful ever since. I filed divorce papers yesterday, and haven't been so happy in a long time. I still miss him and wish that he would change, but at least I know that I am not crazy anymore.

9:07 PM, September 27, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Eileen you are not crazy. My husband has fooled alot of people including me for 17 years. I finally caught up to him. He has always been verbally abusive I laid it off on just a bad temper. But 4 years ago bad temper crossed over into physical abuse which has caused me to hate him. I dont wish him harm but I dont love him the way I did once before. I was a very quiet passive person and just took anything anybody dished out. We have 3 children. We would at times go get in the back of the closet and cover our ears his ranting got so bad.I have taken so much I am madder at myself than I am at him. 4 years ago i accused the sob of having a girlfriend which I am sure was going on I wish he had of left we would be better off. That is when the physical abuse started. I t finally built up to him choking me where I made my mind up and told him if he ever laid a hand on me again it would be the last time he raised his hand on this earth. He hasn't since that was over a year ago but I'm sure he will again he is a repeat offender in many aspects of his sorry life! I have no self esteem left what little I posessed to start with because I came from a very emotionally abusive home.I have heard things out of my husbands mouth that it makes me wonder who in the ---- he is. I had confided in him years ago that me and my sister thought that our uncle molested us and you know in one of our arguments he actually used that against me he said we must have wanted it. I am biding my time with this manster. I wish he would find another woman and leave it would be a burden off my shoulders. I know I suffer from depression mainly because of him. I dont know why I couldn't see all of this sooner it is slmost like someone jerked the blinders off my face one day.I was diagnosed with post partum depression in 1997 following the birth of our third child. The doctor gave me antidepressants i took them for 3 to 4 weeks where as he told me there wasn't anything wrong with me I was just mean and throwed them away and informed me if i wanted prescription medicine I could get my own prescription card. I was so embarased I never told anyone and I got sicker and sicker ballooning up to 232 lbs!!! Jan 2001 I decided I would do weight watchers and lost 85 lbs still as of today. I don't know what happened to me but I'm glad it did I hope I am on the road to recovery. I will have eneough money this spring saved up to take a refresher course so I can get me a job. I am a registered nurse and haven't worked since 1990. Yes isn't it sad that someone who is schooled in psychology would let something like this happen to theirself. I guess I just wanted someone to love me. wish me luck!!!

1:42 AM, September 29, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Eileen,

Just wanted to let you know that your website is still helping people.

I've at long last recognized what my live-in boyfriend is doing to me. Something you wrote cut through the wall of denial I'd had while visiting other emotional abuse sites and listening to the advice people gave me (I've had literally dozens of people tell me to leave him, and I just didn't want to hear it). I've had this suspicion for a long time that my relationship with him was a black hole. Now I understand that it's his insecurity that's at the core of this black hole. And all the hard work, hope, affection, support and money I throw at it won't make him think I'm doing anything for him or us, because he needs to demand more than anyone can give to reinforce a fragile sense of self-worth.

I'm getting the hell out of this relationship before I really *do* lose it.

Thank you for making this site.

5:56 AM, September 29, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Eileen,
I'm 36, married for 11 years, and after this past year, only starting to understand the insanity that might really not be me.
Because of counseling we are going to, I just recorded a 45 min. "conversation" tonight that was really hurtful. I retreated to the web and stumbled across this site. Your recorded conversation sounded nearly identical to the one I had just been a part of. I'm in shock.

I have 80 pages in my computer trying to understand what is going on.
He has called me names, yelled, threatened, but because he has never hit me, I assumed it was my fault, or I egged it on, or I'm too strong a personality. He's so charming, so emotionally sensitive,
and so kind. I cannot even make sense of this right now. Again, I'm new to seeing it.

I wanted to thank you for your courage, honesty and candidness in putting the recording on the web. Thank you for posting all those bizarre first condemning posts. Why? Because I needed to see the blinders most people have about abusers.

Also, thank you for not hating Sean. It shows integrity and purity of heart in the intention of the website.

MOst of all, thank you for being brave enough to put a voice and being behind all the definitions and all the images. You made this real. And because of that I understand how it's real to me as well.

God bless you in your journey....

VMS

10:36 PM, October 01, 2005  
Ceridwen said...

Eileen,

I am still checking into your site almost weekly to see whether your lawyers are "allowing you to say so". In the meantime, I have built a German website about verbal abuse; the process having helped me through a lot of own healing from my relationship. I would have never even thought of doing this, if I had not been so touched, moved and inspired by your site. Thank you for this. Best Wishes, ceridwen

11:57 AM, October 06, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Hello. I'm also "stuck" in an emotionally abusive, draining relationship. I think what finally hit me today after reading all the blogs is that it is a cycle, and it won't end until one of us chooses to recognize it, and do something positive to change it. I believe that in my situation, I felt like I deserved the abuse. I also feel like the "honeymoon" phases that follow the inevitable blow-ups are my reward for previously being a submissive doormat. And they have become just that. Because nothing feels better than the release of the stress after the blow-up. Because of a domineering personality who has caused you little by little to revolve your entire world around them, and when you have, their rage and frustration at you is your own rage and frustration at you(because you are constantly made to feel like a useless failure). They cause you to feel that no one else's opinions matter except theirs and cut you off from your family and friends that may threaten that. Disagreeing cannot occur, or when it does it becomes so uncomfortable to the point it feels easier to submit to something you don't believe in just to avoid the argument! Different styles and standards of living are not acceptable to the abuser. And just when you think you have it down and can avoid the arguments,by doing everything by his "book", he changes all of the rules. I've tried and tried to please this man, to the point of exhaustion. After almost 11 years, I have given up on trying to please him, and my solution is to keep him out of the house as much as possible, and away from me and my children. My oldest suffers the most, because she is in an awkward stage, and has never felt sure of herself, because she is constantly being reprimanded for ridiculous things and lectured(I mean up to 10 minutes!) His backhanded comments constantly add to the already tense house. He also uses her to pick at me, ie, yelling at her to do the dishes, because after dinner I would choose to relax, instead of hopping up to do the dishes. End result== I do the dishes immediately to avoid our daughter being hurt. (emotionally) He gets what he wants through manipulation. When I need to be away from his ranting, he follows me around, and he won't drop anything until I submit and admit being the faulty one. If I try to leave to cool off, he either takes the car keys, or he tells me not to come back. If I go somewhere, I have to take my cell phone, or he will think that i'm up to something. In the past, I've gone away for awhile to family to think, and that just made it worse. He transferred all the money to a personal account(which I cannot access)and monitors all the calls into and out of the house. Whenever I talk to my family he thinks we are rallying against him so I can make a "plan" or something. I cannot talk to any man for any length of time, or he thinks its a call for attention with sexual intention. I cannot win, and he changes the rules to ensure this. It's all just a game, that he wins over and over. Instead of a team, we are rivals. Please continue this website, because constantly being abused causes a sense of complacency, from which we, as the abused, need to be awakened. Thank you and God bless your efforts.

4:06 PM, October 06, 2005  
Anonymous said...

isn't it sad that we cause our most beloved the most devastating pain? that things really start very small, and it just grow in size every time we think we've been pained?

honestly, i thought i was "abused", but i couldn't be... then my husband and i started talking again...

then i realized, i was an "abuser" - but that he was not innocent, either... didn't somebody out there say we are all abusers of one form or another? only after looking at these websites can i honestly say that yah, i was like that! but you already know the gory details of the past... we even tried counselling... finally we looked at each other and inwards into ourselves... and decided we're going to work on this together... BOTH OF US.

my husband and i just celebrated our 19th anniversary. next year, we are going to europe to celebrate our 20th... also, to kick off the start of ANOTHER 20 years! we want to congratulate ourselves for surviving this past year - the most horrible year we've ever had in our lives. believe me, there's a dragon inside me when i am furious... no, not to be forgotten, but to bee remembered, for remembrance is the key to non-repeation. i will proudly "wear it as my war medal".

god knows we loved each other to death... we both knew it. but why did we abuse one another? root cause: honest communication (no surprise there, is there?) and indignance... lots of indignance!

yes, anonymus one... there is HOPE. i knew of two other relationships that were paralleling ours, and both failed. but 1 in 3 doesn't sound like bad odds, is it? BUT never give up, never surrender! i truly believe that my husband and i will one day HEAL from all the painful verbal blows we afflicted one another (as both of us are professionals, we were adept in the art of debating an issue... and aim it where it can cause the most damage!)

but not we know, only after FORGIVENESS (and don't forget to forgive yourself) can we start the process of HEALING (esp self healing).

eileen, thank you and good luck. may the white light energize you and illuminate your way.

1:18 PM, October 11, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Maybe these people are Power Junkies? And, after awhile, may need more and more Power to achieve the same “High” ???.

I wish that I knew a solution to this as my life has been affected deeply from abuse-especially verbal and emotional abuse. It seems that our culture does not recognize that this IS abuse and has turned a blind eye to this issue. On a grander scale, what is the matter with our society that people have not learned how to treat each other? I mean--where are the classes that teach these basic social skills in grade school and on up—could/should this be a part of general education? , etc.--the bottom line appears to be “Power & Control”. It would seem that many abusive people are like Predators just looking for weak prey--they don’t want an “Equal” or “Match”- just a “Subordinate/Inferior". A “Match” is too threatening. If you are confident and strong-it would seem that they must do or say something to tear you back down and "weaken" you.

I do need help and if I stay with him I will continue to go crazy!!! I have made the choice to remain with someone that---for some unknown reason that I have yet to fully figure out other than the above—--seems to "enjoy" tearing me down verbally- breaking my spirit emotionally, and spiritually. There is a high price for this—-My Sanity. Not to mention that I am stretched really thin emotionally and in the self-confidence department.

I have read many of the responses here, and one I particularly relate to is that I cannot have a normal conversation with this person. I never know when he will ask me a question and then start attacking me verbally-- usually it is the same 'broken record': “Stupid-Lazy-No one likes you-if they do, they are now crazy-no one will hire you-(and when I Was working-I dont know why they hired you)-boy did I ever make a mistake with you--and this all leads to: “Well if you are so unhappy with what I am saying, why don’t you just leave”. This scenario is repeated over and over (the last 4 years approx every six weeks whether I am working or not)--it is his chosen conflict resolution solution. Later he will come back, and offer to 'buy me'. This includes even handing me money, the credit card, asking me if I need anything from the grocery store, dear, etc. Or, he will just tell me that he does not want me to go anywhere, that he is sorry for saying those things. Later, I am verbally assaulted for “using” the very money that he gives me and the cycle starts over again. If I come home happy--we cannot have that--I may be getting too confident. He must assert himself as worthwhile and useful and that I am not.

I have asked him to just talk about things later or in a decent manner with me—-no way—-asking this IS starting an argument to him—and how could this all not be Crazy. I feel darned if I say something, and darned if I do not. When I totally ignore him-he tries even harder to “engage” me with nasty words, cheap shots-like bringing up my past—etc. etc. There isn’t a win-win feeling of goodwill between us at all.

He will rant incessantly about how Stupid someone is. Specifically, everyone else he talks about is an “idiot” or “incompetent”. It seems to be the only things that he knows to talk about—his way of making sure that he controls the mood and conversation, as if he is trying to filter all of the nightly news through himself to me as the expert. He is so pessimistic that I can hardly stand to be in the same room. I am angry with myself for marrying this person. Any ideas that I have are immediately dismissed as I have to be the Useless, Worthless One.

1:45 PM, October 11, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Perhaps your recordings doesn't do you any justice, because I first thought ok, I did do something like this to my partner too. But then later, when I have finished with the whole fight, I just thought Eileen is the player, and that Sean is the one who is trying hard. I wouldn't have wasted any time with dealing with someone like that. Actually, I think you should just leave him and move on. Really move on and forget about him. Obviously neither of you are from the same planet. How can a couple make something so simple become so difficult? Gees... Both of you are hidious! Time waster. Regarding the part about moving the things from your attic to his car, well, I have to take his side. I also thought you might be a little inconsiderate there. How much stuffs did you think the car could fit? I mean, it's a car, right? Not a truck or van?? Isn't it just common sense? I think Sean needs to recover from you and you just need help with self esteem and confident. You shouldn't need to keep telling others what you are achieving academically. That is a way of declaring to us how hopelessly lack of confident you still are.
BTW, I am a female and not dating Sean. Just incase you need to pick on my typo or English grammer, English is not my first language.

2:50 PM, October 17, 2005  
happygirlnolongerbuthopefullysomeday said...

I do not understand peoples' need to attack Eilene's site...if you don't like it...don't visit. I personally found it VERY enlightening and very helpful. Thanks so much for sharing your story...everyone here who seems to be in a similar situation. I am personally having a very difficult week. I am getting the silent treatment because I hired someone to do yard work instead of doing it my "lazy ass self". I was supposed to go on a business trip with my husband this week but I was left at home and ignored. I am in terrible pain. I wish there was a chat board here so we could discuss. I am trapped and can not leave because of money issues. And I get sucked back in every time he charms me...so here I am...afraid...lonely...and in more pain...

9:22 PM, October 17, 2005  
vmpdiva said...

I really did think I was crazy, and that I was the only one out there. I agree with happy girl....friendships need to be formed and we need to bond together and become empowered. I am going to create a message board to serve just that purpose.

3:23 PM, October 20, 2005  
vmpdiva said...

I would like to thank you Eileen for this wonderful website. You are doing every abused man and woman a wonderful justice.

I have been married to my "highschool sweetheart" for 15 years. I have been with him since I was 16, married at 19 and now, I will be 35 in April. We have 2 wonderful, well adjusted (lord I don't know how) children and I am between a rock and a hard place.

My husband is an alcoholic and usually that is when the abuse is evident. He tells me he hates me, he wants a divorce, I am stupid, I a worthless, I am fat, he is not attracted to me anymore....blah,blah,blah. When he is sober he gets the wonderful excuse of " I don't remember saying that" OR he plays the passive aggresive card and says everything is fine, buys me things, gives me money...UGH
Anyway, my story is not unlike most on this blog, unless it is the redundant assholes whom have no clue as to what it is like to marry the love of your life only to find out that they want to destroy you. Any way, Eileen you have inspired me to create an online message board to help women and men such as ourselves. I hope that it will bring us compassion and hope. Anyone and Everyone who has been abused or is still being abused is welcome to join. It is brand new so the more the merrier.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/npower/

Thanks again Eileen for showing me the light!!!

4:02 PM, October 20, 2005  
Anonymous said...

As I put my children to bed last night, a program came on the Christian radio station that we tune into. Immediately, I was drawn into the discussion. You can visit the site... www.familylife.com and go to Build-Up, Blow-Up, Make-Up: The Cycle of Domestic Violence.

It really struck a chord with me, as the most difficult part getting out of this relationship is the fact that, to me, my vows meant FOREVER and I was worried about my soul in the eyes of GOD. I have had no physical abuse, nor sexual, but verbal and emotional on an almost daily basis. So I wondered if, like most feel at some point, I was simply being overly sensitive. This site helped me distinguish the fine line between my husband having a "strong personality" or having an abusive, domineering one. That is the problem with people who have not encountered this firsthand, is that the abuse can be so subtle, it can be unnoticeable to the outsiders who don't live in it everyday. It's like having a private joke that no one else understands, but it isn't funny at all. You know what he means when he asks you "what did you do all day?" You can tell by his tone, and the wording(ie, saying "all day" instead of just "today") or using NEVER and ALWAYS to define you. (ie, you are ALWAYS doing ..., when you've had one bad day in a million) And emotional abuse is when you can't even cry for your hurt without hearing him yell at you,"OH GREAT, NOW YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD!"(in a haughty, mad, unsympathetic tone) You have a right to your feelings, and when he says those things to get you to stop crying, you will, because you don't want him to feel bad. (He has controlled you again!)But he isn't really feeling bad, he just doesn't want to hear the crying and be uncomfortable not knowing what to do. He doesn't feel it. And every time, you will become a little harder, a little less caring, a little less of a compassionate person, and more of a machine built to serve one person--him.
Please see this site, I promise it will help!

6:49 PM, October 20, 2005  
Anonymous said...

i am reading all this, and taking some really deep breathes as i just have left a verbal abusive relationship after 3 years. at first i thought i had finally met the man i would spend my life with. he is the kind of guy that was the "the nicest guy". but slowly eventually, things started to turn, now mind you, i am a strong independent, latin woman. with a career, a home, and many friends. but verbal abuse is a slow creeping process. and it hits you like a 2 by 4.
i have just finished reading the most amazing book. it was like someone was standing in the room with us, and then wrote this book. anyone in a verbal abusive relationship needs to read this book. i promise you , it will answer all your questions, and take away all the uncertainty that fills your mind.

the name is "THE VERBALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP" by. patrica evans. you will never feel the same again!!!!!!!

6:29 AM, October 25, 2005  
Gretchen said...

Eileen... Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Early this summer, I ran across a flyer about emotional abuse in my college caf (there was only one, and right where I normally sat... sometimes I wonder who put it there). It got me thinking, and I got online. When I found your site, and read the abusive vs healthy section, I realized that one of my friendships (which almost became a relationship, in what I think was just an attempt to get more power over me) was verbally abusive. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I gave the guy an ultimatum, and told him that either he had to treat me like I deserve or we could no longer be friends. I haven't spoken with him since. It still makes me sad sometimes, but when I realize that I'm still scared of him every time I see him, I know that I did the right thing. Looking back, I see similar patterns with other friendships I've had. Now I know what to look for.

Later this summer, I met a guy who fit everything on the "healthy" side, and we were together... I was able to tell him about the whole thing, how I was still scared to trust, and he has understood and been supportive of me. He's shown me what a healthy relationship can be and even though he's too far away for a relationship now, I'm still thankful for the time I've had with him. So in my case, there is a happy ending :) Again, thank you so much... your website really has made a difference.

12:24 AM, November 03, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I have been in an 8 yr realtionship with the father of my 1 yr old child. For about the past 4 yrs he has made me feel like I'm crazy he has told me I'm an emotional mess crazy bipolar all the things that u talked about.I really believed all this because I thought he loved me and wanted to help me I trusted him.He would hang up on me or just disappear when e would argue saying I was just a drama queen all the things u mentioned I have experienced its just nice to know other people have experienced these things thanks

6:17 PM, November 03, 2005  
Rachael said...

Eileen,
I'm not crazy either, even though my husband tried to convince me otherwise. It's a long road to freedom, but I'm ready, willing and able to walk every mile! It took 14 years for me to get to this point in my life. There's absolutly no reason to walk backwards. I love and admire your strength and courage. Everyone elses that has made it out too. I even admire myself now!
Thank you so very much for this site.

11:44 PM, November 04, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I've been with my husband for 8 yrs, married 6. When I read this blog it really shook me. All of you sounded like me. I've felt so lonely for so long. Everyday being insulted,discounted. Then being expected to act like nothing is wrong, because he thinks he isn't. They're so many things I'd like to say, but it's all rushing around in my head. I've been so emotionally kicked that it's starting to affect my health.
I've only stayed because of my sweet sons. And the fact that I'm in HIS Territory. I don't know anyone but his family. Since I have no support system, I'm afraid of going out there to make a life. He has threatened to take the boys if we divorce. I don't know if they would be able to live 700 miles away in my original state. At any rate, to leave would be a hell on earth.
I'm so happy for those of you that have gone on with their lives. I hope to do the same one day....

11:20 PM, November 08, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this site! Advice, please! I really was starting to believe that I AM the crazy one.
I'm trapped and I can't "just leave". I can't tell my family, or his family, and I don't have any friends anymore. I don't have anyone to turn to and I don't want to go to a shelter.
I want the life that we've planned for, over the last 15 years. Dangit!!!!
Can emotional abusers ever change? Or does it just keep getting worse and more physical?
I don't want to lose everything we've built together, but I can't live like this anymore. HELP.

6:46 PM, November 11, 2005  
isolated and waking up said...

Thank you for this website, I can't believe I accidentally found it!
I've been too embarassed, ashamed and in denial to admit what my (15 year relationship) 6 year marriage has become. Thanks to the things I've read here I (finally) have admitted to myself that my relationship is abusive, I've admitted it to the police, now I have to admit it to the people who believe that he and I have "the perfect marriage". Scary thing to do, especially right before the holidays.
I'm afraid that no one will believe me. He's so charming when he's not in our home or car.
How can you "just leave"? When, for 15 years, you've created a life, a business and a family? And you have pretended for 15 years that you have the perfect relationship?
Can abusers ever change?
While I imagine myself "free" and going back to school, I still hate the idea of giving up what we've worked so hard for over these years.
Please give comments and/or advice.
Thanks!!

1:29 AM, November 13, 2005  
Anonymous said...

i can't believe this website is still up.....haven't you been sued yet....do you really still believe Sean abused you......
unbelievable!

4:45 PM, November 13, 2005  
Eileen said...

Not only am I 100% certian Sean abused me, he admitted it, too. I have him on tape saying "What I did to you last night was abusive ... " and about SIX emails in which he says he's "so sorry" for his "abusive behavior" and that he'll never do it again.

But I guess since I'M saying it - and he's smearing me with twice the skill of Karl Rove - I must be dillusional.

He's lucky I have not sued HIM.

5:10 PM, November 13, 2005  
Still Struggling... said...

Eileen, first and formost: Thank You for building this web site--it is obviously helping others immensely. Next, I wish that people who do not agree for whatever reason would "change the channel" and just not come to this web site if they feel so slighted by reading it. This site serves a higher purpose!

I have pretended to have the perfect relationship myself. What is really crazy is how abusers are stunningly able to fool everyone around them-and that is because (in my situation) he keeps his ill behavior and verbal abuse private-and denies saying anything "ill" even to me. How is that not crazy-making? How is that honest? This is exhausting for me emotionally. Guess the world knowing would take away some of his power, and he would have to be accountable, I imagine.

It is very difficult for me to leave and "get out of my comfort zone". In fact, I have become so used to verbal abuse that when a friend actually stood up for me recently in a social situation by saying: "Dont talk to her like that", I was shocked. After years of pretending and doing/being what the other wants, it is interesting for me to note that the other has a totally different perception of reality than mine--after all I went along with him for so long to "keep the peace". I dont want to be in a relationship like this anymore--it hurts. I have learned not to trust my perceptions and my own judgement for fear that I will be put down some more. How can that be healthy?

I want to go back to school, and he told me that if I did, he would throw me out of the house- that I had to do that "on my own".

2:05 PM, November 14, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I'll write more later...I'm an educated, smart (or at least educated--not smart for staying with the jerk) woman, and to many, would seem to have it all...nice house, 2 cute kids, 2 cute dogs, good career, etc. But, I live every day with a verbally abusive man. He fits every single criteria you describe. Although some behaviors have come and gone, at one time or another, he fit them all. In college, I didn't recognize it and thought it was my fault...In mid 20s we got married, my mom died, his parents divorced, my dad remarried, our friend was killed...ok not a good time then. Then, things got better for awhile and there were dogs...then there were kids...Now here we are 17 tears later (10 years of marriage, we met in highschool). Finally, we went for several months of therapy--I begged and pleaded like an idiot until he went, although he truly believed "it wouldn't be pretty"--meaning he would reveal the true culprit of all problems to this "audience" he could charm and fool--the counselor. He did a little fooling, I did a little fooling of myself, and I felt so good we got some help, finally. for 3 months, I thought things were great, actuallly believing in the middle of it that we had been getting along for a very long time. When that time ended, I realized it was only three months. It seemed like an eternity to me. But, when the honeymoom was over, it was over in a big way...no small little digs, no little discrete abusive behavior...all out explosion and weirdness. I finally found a term that best describes our conversations--CRAZYMAKING...they crazy it up to the point where you don't remember the totally innocent question that they turned into "your attack" on them, diverting, countering, blocking, accusing, undermining, judging, etc. They do it all...he does it all. There is always an excuse...he's feeling bad, ate bad, didn't work out, long day, etc. Come on...those things make you cranky...they don't make you tell someone their comments or behaviors are dumb, etc.

I guarantee if Sean is a charmer, funny, smoozer, etc., he was everything she says. You can't listen to the tape in the right context unless you know how these conversations go. She asks a simple question about plans for the next day...not to manipulate, not for some secret agenda, not for some conspiracy...but he gets annoyed because she didn't ask it another way, didn't say why she needed to know, wasn't specific, etc. Who cares? She asked a very simple question. Who cares what her reason was? These type of people always think there is a hidden agenda...was she trying to control him, was she trying to tell him she didn't want to be with him, why was she beating around the bush?? She was doing none of these things. She was asking a fucking question that took a one sentence answer--that is all. But, instead, I surmise that it turned into a lengthy crazymaking converation about how she should have asked it so that he wouldn't have taken it wrong, how she should have done everything just to suit him, etc. But, the truth is, nothing would have suited him. She could have asked a thousand ways, even the way he described, and he would've told her that was the wrong way because no matter what, he didn't care what her plans were...he was just irritated they didn't include him...even though he was probably annoying as hell to be around...unless you like acting fake all the time like Brie on DH and walk on eggshells, editing all conversations.

My guess is that Sean has a small penis or that he has huge insecurities in other ways, or is never sure of himself, has problems you don't even know about, etc.

I feel your pain. I've had the insomnia, I've had massive anxiety, I've cried, I've prayed, I've pleaded, I've hope. It is draining.

For all of those reading, look into your husband/boyfriend's family...really look. I feel bad for people who had bad childhoods, but do not feel bad unless you are certain it can be fixed because it will be your problem for life. My husband's parents were fake, the perfect couple for 33 years. I find out later he mom had 4 affairs, his dad constantly made his mom feel stupid in discrete ways, and--lovely--his dad hit his brother with full suitcases multiple times, did pushups on my husband, and ripped curtain rods off the walls--the nice, sweet father-in-law I thought I knew sucked as a husband and dad. Now, I pay the price. My husband knows it, but it is so ingrained in him, he doesn't know any other way to channel his feelings of lack of self worth. Don't let this be you. Leave these families alone, unless you want to be part of the madness and fake world they live in.

OH, and for those of you who keep saying she should be sued, truth is a defense to slander and seems there is enough evidence of that here to clear her.

Maybe if he stops treating women this way and acknowledges he has issues, he won't be subject to any more blogs and won't crazy up anyone else's head so much that they need to make sense of it all, even after it is over.

You'r probably partly right when you say she is crazy...that is what these guys are known for doing since otherwise they would be exposed as the crazy ones.

2:01 AM, November 17, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Ok, and before you comment on my smartness due to typos, etc., it is 1 a.m. and I'm tired...tired from trying to figure out the latest crazymaking episode, tired from 8-9 years of loving this man and thinking I could fix him because he is, when his "good" personality comes out to play, very sweet, charming, sensitive, funny, tired of people out there who would prefer to keep this type of abuse in the closet and focus on an actual visible bruise. Just tired...because I, only 2/3 of the population, have tried to make sense of this-because I am smart, fix all kinds of problems for other people--why can't I fix this? Hell, I get paid $175/hour to fix problems for others...how bad would that be if I can't even fix my own?

2:09 AM, November 17, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Wow, Eileen. What a fantastic website. Information and design are so well integrated. Very meaningful and user-friendly. I'll keep it bookmarked to refer to for avoiding bad relationships in the future and to share with friends. Can you add anything on how to maintain relationships with loved ones when there is a crazymaker in the middle? The holidays are coming up...

6:38 PM, November 19, 2005  
Anonymous said...

To The Gal (I assume, a gal) who posted anonymous on Nov 17. I have posted for the first time recently. (I'm not very savvy on the blog thingy).
Something really hit home about what you wrote. HIS FAMAILY. I've heard from his sisters that Dad was (sexually) abusive and so was Mom (verbally). He told me his sisters were crazy. They HAVE said some pretty unbelievable s**t. Or so I thought. Hmmmm.
I've been thinking alot, lately. ('Bout time!).
He never loved me, he never knew love. He hates what he is.
He has used me, I let myself be used.
I'm lazy and don't want to deal with it...it's so much easier to just pretend.
Can't some sort of therapist wave a magic wand over us and make me care? I really don't like him, anymore, but we have a routine/a life.
Thanks to Eileen and everyone who posts...it all helps!

10:15 PM, November 22, 2005  
Ceridwen said...

Dear Eileen, Dear Readers.

It's always a warm feeling to come back to your site, and I cannot thank you enough for putting it on the net and thus opening important doors in my head.

In the past 1.5 months, I have worked hard at more or less ignoring the subject of abusive relationships and my own wounds. - But ignoring the pain does not mean, it will go away.

On my website (German), I am now setting up a section on healing from an abusive relationship, and am "collecting" healing tools host them on the site. Maybe this is also due to the fact that I do not want to solely be caught up in screaming and mourning, but would like to add something more positive and hopeful-looking.

Thus, any recommendations would be highly welcome.

Best trans-Atlantic wishes,
Ceridwen
(eMail: ceridwen@re-empowerment.de)

4:06 AM, November 23, 2005  
Artemis57 said...

I don't think that when a person who has been ABUSED in EVERY CONCEIVABLE WAY--INCLUDING BY "THE 'SYSTEM'" that is SUPPOSED to "help" those who are being deprived of the most BASIC CIVIL RIGHTS--should feel guilty about "fighting back"--turning the tables on your abuser/attacker with HIS very same tactics!

IN FACT---THIS IS ONE OF THE RECOMMENDED METHODS TO TRY AND WAKE THE ABUSER -UP- TO -HIS- OWN BEHAVIORS!

The site that I found this advice on is (and it is a LONG url--found it while researching what I can do for myself by doing an "Emotional Abuse" search) http://open-site.org/Society/Issues/Violence_and_Abuse/Family_Violence/The Abused---whew!! Told you it was a long one!

One of the BEST bits of advice (and I have the printout RIGHT in front of me) is about how ". . .'abusers' use proxies, third parties who may be unaware of their role. EXPOSE -him- and inform them how they are being USED -by- 'him'."

I know a lady that works in one of the Kmarts in New Jersey that got a little taste of Sir Alwaysrights' UGLINESS. We were trying to get a battery for a new watch I had (ordered from QVC with money I [unfortunately] received from my MOTHERS' untimely death of heart disease) and the lady was just trying to HELP him get the battery IN (which was no easy task to BEGIN with as the watch design INSIDE left little room to WORK while -installing- a new battery)! Well, he lit into HER (with me standing RIGHT there beside him--two birds with one stone--BELITTLING -HER- AND -EMBARRASSING- ME!) with a very NASTILY toned comment about how SHE should back off---that -he- would get the battery in all by his (naturally more mechanically inclined and INTELLIGENT) SELF!

I can TELL you---SHE remembered HIM and NOT in a GOOD way--she said so, too, one OTHER day when we were at the self-same Kmart and she was working the register that day instead of working at the Jewelry Counter! She made the comment so that only HE AND -I- could hear it---SHE did not LOUDLY belittle and embarrass HIM the way HE did to both she and -I- during the watch battery fiasco! I could not help but GRIN---she asked me later (one day when I was there by myself) how I could put UP with LIVING with him? I just said "It AIN'T easy!"

And things HAVE gotten progressively WORSE.

But, with the aforementioned PUBLIC blunder on HIS part---one of the OTHER bits of advice (from the open site) was DONE BY HIM!! "Make your abuse KNOWN AND PUBLIC." Of course, one of his OTHER tactics was to try and make ME look like a NUT in public. He'd be mumbling under his breath about how he hated me (so only -I- would hear it) and keep it up until I either left the store in TEARS or shout at him to STOP! Just an example--he KNOWS I am not thrilled with the color (for bathroom towels or wearing apparel, anyway) PEACH--he kept INSISTING that it was PINK---so I WENT OVER TO THE -PINK- towels--brought one back to where he was standing--and compared them for him (the fighting had started before we left the house with HIM saying how -I- was never satisfied with ANYTHING--and OKAY WE'LL EXCHANGE THE F---ING TOWELS!) saying with a 'slightly' raised voice (so NATURALLY it "looked" like I was picking on HIM!) "THIS is -pink-, -THIS- is PEACH! Are you colorblind or WHAT?!" And -he- is all like, "Big deal--what's the damned difference?!" Again keeping HIS voice DOWN and actually encouraging ME to do the SAME! It's different when HE is the one being embarrassed!

There are MORE instances that I could share here but I am about "typed-out" here--need to take a break, you know?

Also am waiting for my cats' medical records to arrive from the vets. THEY, the Montgomery County ASPCA, and a site I found called Noah-Ark-Animal-Shelter (a NO KILL shelter) know about the situation here and that in order for ME to LEAVE with ANY peace-of-mind, I am going to make sure that THEY (Pye and Shadow) are safely OUT of here FIRST! They are BOTH having some problems--and hoepfully I'll be able to get a supply of Meds for them both before I take them to the shelter. I do NOT want to say goodbye to them and have been crying off and on (BUT NOT AROUND -HIM- IF I CAN HELP IT) since I made the decision and -hand- wrote him a 3 page letter telling him that "Yes, I am getting out--the cats will be put in a safe place FIRST though--even if -I- end up HOMELESS for a while--it would be better than suffering at HIS hands or letting him CAGE me or being out there worrying about the abuse he DEFINITELY would be heaping upon THEM (with his rages at the world at large--nobody but HIM knows how to DRIVE properly and the like) with ME not here to pick on anymore! He has been fairly quiet since he got the letter. Gone back to the under-the-breath mumbling thing--he is angry because I will be LEAVING under my OWN terms--instead of either being in JAIL (which is ONE of the PLACES -I- BELONG--don't you know) where he can pick at me if he chooses to visit--or in a HOSPITAL (psychiatric or OTHERWISE)--where he can STILL abuse me during visits like he did LAST time--even over the phone--telling me, "Gee, it's NICE to hear a police car go by with it's siren going and knowing YOU are not IN it!"

I mean--how MEAN can you GET?!

REALLY ready for that 'break' now---did not mean to drone on and on--it is kind of hard to STOP though---NOW that I know that there are OTHERS out there who are truly on MY side!

Posted another blog at the Mutually Abusive? page under Artemis57. Now have a blog account under Artemis857.

Thank you again, Eileen for your courage, your strength, for EVERYTHING!

11:19 AM, November 23, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Dear Artemis57 and other Readers/Bloggers-
I'm typing soo quietly now, so as not to alarm the beast that I still kinda like, still love when he is Dr. Jekyll.
I read your words, and I think, my husband is really not THAT bad!! He has never humiliated me in public...well, wait... except for ditching me at the bar in a Vegas Nightclub on our FIRST ANNIVERSARY. (Long Story) Oh yeah, and also ditching me at the bar this last Halloween! That WAS humiliating.
What you wrote about your pets struck home. Our cats are MY babies. He has a favorite, but I would never leave a single kitty here, with him, if I left.
I won't leave w/o my babies, and that's what makes it so hard to leave. He can have everything else...

2:33 AM, November 24, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Thank you for taking a chance by going public with your experience. I do not have the strength to do that and I'm not sure I will ever be able to go so public.

I've been searching for ways to reach out to others who would truly understand why women of abuse are called "silent victims."

It's been nearly seven months since my husband (ex?) killed himself. My family has been terrible at supporting me. I, of course, make terrible decisions. After all, I was the one who married the guy. Didn't I see the red flags? Therefore, by default, I caused his suicide.

There's so much to come to terms with in his final, decisive act. Thankfully, I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by supreme professionals who assured me in no uncertain terms that my abuser's suicide was not my fault. And yet, here I sit stacked under guilt I know in my head is unsubstantiated. I read all the information you have and I feel myself nod with recognition. What makes his death worse is that a person who I thought was a friend, who was supposedly helping me with the decision to leave my situation and then work through all the intense emotions, is also a manipulative abuser. It hurts to read the descriptors, your experience and then listen to the tapes that just echo with familiarity. But it also helps.

It is ridiculous to finally understand that I am dealing with two losses (and maybe more)- loss of my husband and the loss, like you, of a dream that this friend could have been something more, one day.

One of the realizations your web site has helped me to see is how scary abusers are because they suck others in as allies.

My ex-husband's friends were character witnesses to a "T" of your description/definition. I was told by his friend, who subsequently disregarded my request for help when my ex went "missing",that my ex would never hurt me or our son. And me, like an idiot, questioned whether the fear I felt was real. Maybe I was crazy. I mean, when things were good I forgot all the fear until it came up again. And near the end of this ordeal, the fear was constant and building for I don't know how I long. At least eight months before I could no longer pretend that things were going to get better. There was no end in sight.

Oh, and my ex-husband's first wife is like your ex-boyfriend's ex-lovers. She clearly forgot how violent my ex became when they split.

In a book I read titled Emotional Blackmail, abusers use fear, obligation and guilt to manipulate their targets - FOG. Obviously, this fog does not disappear even when the targets have lived apart from daily direct contact for more than 10 years.

Right now, in my therapy, I am struggling with having to remember everything I experienced and feel the feelings. Mainly I feel anger, but there have been some times when I feel fear, like I did before. When I feel this fear, it helps me accept that what I experienced was real. I was not crazy. This is like reading this web site.

I unfortunately, want people who are allies and manipulators to understand the pain of being a target. I say unfortunately because I also know that these people may never understand. That knowledge often gets me angry.

But here you are, opening your self up to examination, contemplation and healing. Congratulations.

By helping others, you are helping your self, and again the cycle continues because you are helping me.

Thank you. I am grateful for the strength and courage of you.

Mahalo!

3:41 AM, November 24, 2005  
Patty said...

I want to let you all know,I feel for you and work daily to help help victims/survivors of DV. Wheter it is with emothional support, reassurance or, in some circumstances, housing. I know that there are many women out there who need safe places to live. Safe places to bring their children. Please contact me. I will do what I can to help.

11:26 PM, November 25, 2005  
Artemis57 said...

Well, he's at it AGAIN!!

My mother was right about him. He does NOT want to see me happy and well and to have a "support structure" or anyone ELSE to turn to but HIM!!

I recently joined a chapter of AA here near the Woodlands because I got TIRED of him GOADING me into ABUSING -MY-SELF on TOP of HIS abusing me!!

Been to ONE meeting so far and PLAN on going to another one, TONIGHT---HOWEVER--HE IS RANTING AND RAVING AND THROWING THINGS (most likely in the hopes I -won't- GO) SO THAT -HE- CAN SAY TO -ME-. .."SEE, I -KNEW- YOU WOULDN'T MAKE IT---IT WAS ONLY FOR -SHOW-!"

Well, I can TELL YOU--I -AM GOING, and I am going to keep -ON- going. Just like I shared at the meeting last night---that ONE VERY LARGE MISTAKE on MY part was to allow him to SPIRITUALLY RAPE ME!

THIS he did by PREACHING to me how "ALL ORGANIZED 'RELIGION' (WHEN I WAS WANTING TO GO TO -CHURCH INSTEAD OF SITTING HOME WITH -HIM-) WAS JUST PEOPLE TOUTING 'HOPE' TO THE "HOPELESS"!

Well, I am going to be getting back into BEING spiritually balanced! Whether through Christian means, or the Positive Powers and energies of Wicca or WHATEVER---JUST ACKNOWLEDGEING that there ARE "Higher Powers", A Universal Force, and so on is HOW I am going to manage to STAY on the path of sobriety and positive THINKING that I -want- to be upon! -HE- did NOT -force- me to go---I made the calls and WENT to the first meeting of MY OWN -VOLITION- (which probably pisses him off, TOO--cause now he cannot take credit for me trying to get myself STRAIGHT.)!

So, as of this moment,Sunday, NOvember 27, 2005, 3:06PM Central Time---I am just trying to EAT something in PEACE! He KNOWS that I CANNNOT eat while 'TENSE MAKING' situations are going on---he also was 'eaves dropping' on a conversation I was having with a lady that gave me her phone number last night (part of the support system) TELLING her that I did not know WHAT time meeting I was going to GO to but that I wanted to make SURE that I had eaten something SUBSTANTIAL -before- I went! And. sure enough he was just 'LOOKING' around for 'rationalizations' on why he was 'entitled' to be raging around the HOUSE! This time it is a new VCR/DVD player that won't work right! He started even BEFORE that in the laundry room about something or other "fuck this bitch shit this and that"!

He is ONLY ESCALATING things to see if he can 'push' me into drinking again--maybe YES, AND maybe NO---BUT -NOT- TODAY!

BTW, referred a few OTHER women there that are dealing with VERBALLY abusing bastards ON TOP OF DEALING WITH THEIR -OWN- problems.

Hope to see THEIR 'blogs' here, REAL SOON. Sometimes MORE THAN -one- SUPPORT SYSTEM IS NEEDED TO GET THROUGH.

TTFN,

Artemis57

4:21 PM, November 27, 2005  
Anonymous said...

OMG Artemis- You sound exactly like me! I am the one who responded to your post re your pets.
The way I deal with the monster, is to break open the wine, (almost!)every night. But my drinking, of course, is the reason/excuse he gives to treat me the way he does. EVERYTHING is my fault, whether I'm drinking or not.
I told him that I wanted to go to AA by myself...never suggested that we BOTH go (even though HE is the one who has puked in the bathtub after going out solo!). He freaked out and said that AA is just another "religion for the weak". (He was raised Catholic and I think he really resents it.)
I just want to find a support system, somewhere. I'm not weak, that's why I have made the decision to get away, however hard it may be. (It's really effin' hard, I know I can't tell my family or friends "why".
I also heard ALANON is great.
Take Care!

10:58 PM, November 27, 2005  
Anonymous said...

This is anonymous from Nov.17, married for 10 years, together 17, 2 kids...maybe I'll login later and become non-anonymous. Of course, haven't posted for 10 days, first because 10 days have been fairly peaceful...the game we play with ourselves. The blowup was over...storm seemed to settle, feelings of relief, great tension is gone...”now let’s get on with life...life is normal...isn't it great we stuck it out...everyone has problems, etc. etc.”—the self talk I have. Even when things are good for short times, it seems like eternity to me when I'm in it and I tend to forget the last blow up and tension building experience and I'm sometimes blindsided by a new episode it so fast that I don't know what happened or how it happened, as if it should be some big surprise after thousands of times!

Interestingly, and perhaps naively, I actually thought I had some kind of breakthrough with my husband last week. After writing on Nov. 17, the next day, he apologized for the night before, and I told him about this site. I started telling him about the terms used and the taped conversation, etc. I made light of it, but I let him know I was aware of this stuff, although he knows I do research “his” problems. Anyway, I felt better sharing it with him and we actually talked about it.

However, later that day, it was like a total reversal, like we hadn’t even talked. We had another weird crazymaking conversation on the phone (as I like to call them and some site described so well) where he made no sense, took a little topic and insisted I was causing all kinds of problems, and proceeded to really have a one man conversation/argument all by himself, almost as if he was arguing for both of us, not letting me talk, putting words in my mouth, etc. He was total jerk and was being verbally and mentally abusive. Too hard to explain here except to say it was enough to make me go crazy—except I had just been on this site and knew all the signs and symptoms of this abusive behavior and kept the terms in mind. At one point, I just let him ramble on and on and on, because he wouldn’t let me talk anyway, and I turned on the videocamera since that was the only recorder I had available, and put it up to the phone…just so later I could prove to myself I wasn’t crazy. Then, at one point, he said “are you taping me or something” and I said “no” and he said “you have to tell me if you are because that wouldn’t be (something—can’t remember word he used)—and I said “well, maybe I am, it isn’t illegal.” Then, he got real quiet and said “well put the recorder to the phone so at least I can explain my side of the story…” which I thought was ridiculous because who is he explaining this to….himself…because that is who I would play the tape for. Anyway, we had this big long discussion about the site, his family upbringing, he view on life, how miserable he is inside, how he is perpetuating this cycle, etc. I have known him long enough to know that he really did open up, I was able to tell him that he seems to be missing that inner peace/self that he should have from God or from his upbringing, that he deserves to have that, etc. and that if he had it, maybe he wouldn’t do this stuff. He admitted all his behaviors. I didn’t put words in his mouth. He said he feels crazy and he wants to get better but doesn’t feel he can because he is “so far gone” etc. But, we/he agreed he might try to talk to someone or even get on some anti-depressants or both, and would start going to church etc. I do believe sometimes he want this, but I also am a skeptic because I don’t think he can do it because it is so ingrained in him.

This weekend, he was better, but I had the flu. Hard to be verbally abusive to your spouse who is throwing up…but he did manage to have me watch the kids for a few hours even though I couldn’t lift my head off the pillow…that to me was passive/aggressive abuse of some kinds…and then it was my fault I wasn’t watching the baby at one point because I dozed off. Other than that minor mishap, a pretty uneventful weekend, ended up better and went to the Circus with kids and then to church on Sunday. But, then, he worked out, had some free time and I made a comment on how I’d like some free time too. Ok, I made quite a few “hint” comments about stuff like that because I was getting resentful all weekend. I shouldn’t have watched the kids at all when I was sick. And I shouldn’t have felt like I was being a pain for wanting to have fun at the circus and I shouldn’t be made to feel like I’m making him go to church, and he should acknowledge that he gets 5 times more free time than I do. He says I need to make the free time. But, why bother when he makes it miserable to be gone—making me feel hurried or like the kids are tough for him…when I’m supposed to make everything seem easy to him??? So, I brought it up after they went to bed, that I wish he would reciprocate, etc., probably in a bad way since I’m really not good at bringing this stuff up and no matter how I do, he gets upset anyway…and he started taking things the wrong way, thinking I don’t want him to work out and that I don’t think he does anything when actually he does a lot of work around here, etc. Then, I actually tried to calm it down and rephrase what I said, which usually doesn’t work because he thinks I’m badgering him some more, and he said(warned me that he was going to unleash—but I was too slow to catch it) “I’m gonna pop”—which I think is as bad as “popping” since it threatens violence. Still, I thought we “caught it in time.” No such luck. He popped. The kids had just gone to bed and I’m sure were still awake (2 ½ and 1). He slammed his fist on the sink, called me a fucking whore, and honestly surprising to me…came toward me in the laundry room and corned me, which was bad enough…except that he grabbed my sweatsuit top and pulled it almost to rip it and pushed me. I tried to open the door to the garage just so the kids would not hear us, and he shut the garage door and pushed me again. Then, I think I said something like “the kids can hear you” or something and he stopped. But, he had already pushed me in the chest/neck area, said he was so sick of everything he was about ready to move out, etc. He says that but I wish he just would because like other “anonymous” posters, as awful as it sounds, maybe I am lazy and so used to this life (especially since for 7-10 day stretches, sometimes 3 months, things are ok—that I won’t leave.

For those with cats, dogs, etc. feeling terrible about their lives and what to do with them, the effects on them, etc. you aren’t crazy, because I used to feel that way for my dogs…I thought, they deserve so much more, etc. But, you do that now, but you will have kids someday and you won’t be dealing with a dog or cat. Still, I know you “share” these animals. It is still easier to pick up with the dogs or cats, etc. You are not hurting little people by staying, or by leaving. I feel I am hurting my kids either way and I honestly sometimes feel maybe I am hurting them more by leaving, since they don’t really know this stuff right now and they think mom and dad are great and life is pretty ok. They don’t know dad pushed mom, etc.

For the past 1 ½ years, I haven’t been worried about physical violence or any kind of contact like that. That wasn’t one of my problems. We would get in blowouts, but not that. He did that a long time ago, but as stupid as it sounds, he seemed done with that. He was content just blowing up. So, I really thought if we could solve that or diminish it, it would be ok, because nothing is perfect and I could live with a certain (very little) amount of conflict, even if not resolved great. But, now, it isn’t like an argument where I can get over it or chalk it up to a setback or whatever. He has crossed that bridge or broken that element of trust or whatever you want to call it. This is so pathetic but I don’t want to deal with this, I just want to press rewind and have it never happened because I feel like I can’t breathe, like I’m suffocating, numb but sad, empty. Sometimes, with a fight, I can go to him for comfort and maybe we’ll make up, but you can’t make up for hurting someone’s flesh. Verbal abuse does hurt, and that is why I was on this site, but a person sometimes can explain or can apologize or make sense of it. How do you explain that you inflicted pain on someone’s skin—even if very minor—because you were upset? Can that even be dealt with. Last week he said he wanted help, but can he get it??? Is it possible?? He did later try to “apologize’ tonight—but not really—it all went back to me being confrontational.

I know this is very long, but I’m trying to figure out myself and maybe give some background so maybe someone out there can figure me out…
Just to demystify stereotypes, I am a lawyer. My husband is a land developer. Not that that is so great. But, not that misery loves company, but I wonder if there is a broad spectrum of education, background, etc. I wonder if I am just the biggest dumbest idiot out there. I must be, because here I am with an education, a good family upbringing, and I know this is wrong and that he is the wrong one no matter how he continues to make me think I cause this, and I still think that there is a 1/1000 chance that some lightbulb will go off with him and he'll see that his behavior is weird/wrong/hurtful/unhealthy, etc. Problem is I think he knows that somewhat and he can't change it. I think it has actually come to a point where he knows he is this way and me--knowing he is this way--why can't I just adjust myself accordingly so as to not cause him to blow up? He says I am confrontational, and I guess I can be, but mostly he just thinks anything that isn't about the weather or going along with "his world" as I call it--is confrontational. He thinks I rock the boat, but honestly, he just wants fairytale land and things just aren't that way.

Ah hah. I just had a lightbulb moment. I can never figure out why ANYTHING I bring up he thinks is confrontational and to me, living his way is fake or false/nice--not real life. It makes perfect sense now...that fakenice/fairytaleish life is what is normal to him or what he thinks normal should be because that is what his mom did for 33 years until she actually got a voice and shocked everyone by stating she was unhappy, wanted a divorce, etc. She is still that way to an extent, sortof not all there, sort of aloof, sort of singsongy, and her new husband is very similar to these guys we talk about. Only difference is she does speak up more now. And difference is that her ex-husband (my husband's father) was never really raging at her. But, I think he was passive aggressive and demeaning, and he was abusive to the kids. He probably wasn't abusive to her because she was the way she was...fakely nice (if that is a word), putting aside her own wants and needs and going along with his just to keep the peace. Problems were not discussed, things were not solved, things just WEREN"T--or at least I have a feeling. There was just a lot of nothing going on in that house. My mom always thought something was "off" with them but couldn't put a finger on it. It looked good but it didn't smell right.

Hmmm. I've been trying to buck that way of life for years, but you can only imagine that I have an opinion (lawyer), and I like to discuss things and solve things and it gives me a sense of accomplishment and closure to do so, and it makes me feel close to someone. He thinks every discussion is confrontation, but sometimes it is actually just "talk"--nothing more than a husband and wife talking, like I saw my parents do and like I wish everyone could do--respecting each other's feelings, loving each other, listening, and just being easy to be with. But, that is not my life now. I chose to "save" somebody. Even my mom said on her deathbed, "Just show him love and he'll come around." She honestly didn't know what she was dealing with here. Or maybe she just hoped. She was a teacher who saved many kids without hope or love. I'm ashamed to say, I still wish and feel that he could just see my heart, know what I think, and see that he could have a life and family like I had. I wish he would discuss our families but he gets very upset. He does say he wants our kids to have the childhood I did--not like his, so I don't understand why we can't discuss that.

I honestly don't understand me. I was an only child. My parents honestly never fought...NEVER...and were always kind, always caring to one another and to me. I never saw any yelling, harsh words, dirty looks, belittling...nothing. If there was a problem...which there were few, they were solved quickly and any hurt feelings (mine or theirs) were mended. It was usually because of me being an smartalec teenager. Only thing I can think of is I just always felt somewhat insecure because I was really skinny and geeky and boys never seemed to like me. So, in h.s. I tried the burnout crowd, then another crowd, etc. to fit in. I always seemed to pick boys that needed "fixing." They didn't come from homes like mine and I thought I had so much love to give, I could give them some of what I had...I could show them how it should be or could be, and they would be so thankful to me for saving them from that awful kind of life and showing them what love truly meant...which I honestly feel my family showed in the truest sense.

Never really had boyfriends. Then, one boy...one of the most popular in school...liked me. It was the end of senior year and the boy every girl liked liked me. So, I fell hard. But, even then, I knew there were signs, problems. I knew enough about what my mom taught me to know. We argued a lot, but then we made up, and I just thought he loved me. He would get mad and throw my purse. I broke up with him and wrote a note and he threw it. Then, during college, during an argument, he pushed me and I fell down and twisted my ankle. I had to go to the E.R. so we told my parents I fell. I ended up on crutches. He once broke my car window--shattered it, and again we made something up. He stood defiant in front of my mother once and she forbid him from our house...so I went to his. The list is endless. I was 17, but what were my parents thinking? Were they afraid I'd rebel and run away with him??? I wish they would have held me captive. I wish they would have interfered more. But, now I have kids and I know they were probably afraid of losing me and were just hoping I'd make the right decision. In college, he was more jealous than anything. Believe it or not, he is not jealous at all now and isn't controlling at all. I can do anything really. He isn't suspicious.

Before getting married, I was actually naive enough to think, ok we'll get married and I'll be his and then all problems will subside because the quest will be over. I remember feeling aprehensive. During the first year of marriage, my mom died at age 48 after 5 weeks (only) of cancer. My best friend and confidante, my support.was gone. I needed him desperately, and he was there quite a bit for me, honestly, and dealt with basically no wife for the first 2 years of marriage. I was a crying mess and should have been medicated. But, there were times when he wasn’t there for me. When he was just a jerk. Those were the worst of times. I had no where to go. I couldn’t be there, I couldn’t go home because I no longer had a home, my mom was dead. Even the family dog died the day she did! I didn’t want to go to my dad, for fear I would go back to my husband and my dad would hate him. So, I would drive at night, go stay at a hotel, sometimes with a friend, but I would always come back because I had no sisters, no brothers, no mother, etc. My grandma had had strokes, but sometimes I would go to her house to sleep because she wouldn’t really know what I was there for and at least I had family. But, she died a couple of years later. I started law school 1 year after mom died, partly to let myself know I could do it and to let myself know I could be on my own, independent and make a life—without him if I needed to. I worked full time and went to school at night, studied all weekend, pretty much occupied 4 years of my life to avoid the real world. Which was good in a way, but also bad on the marriage…although he was petrified I would become a big lawyer and leave him. That was helpful. Sounds bad, but it was sort of good back then in that he was always longing for me to stay. I also always made more money so in a way, that helped in my situation. But, then that all changed. When I graduated, I made about the same as him. Then, kids came and I went part-time and his salary just kept increasing. So did his hours. I honestly think if he was back making crappy money and I made more, there would be less problems because he wouldn’t be able to throw that around and feel any power, really. Sounds terrible, but that was a better situation in a sick world. When he started making more money is really when there was a turning point.. Lawyers in IN just don’t’ make much money. I know it sounds terrible, but in this type of situation, power is a key issue and if you can give it to yourself in any way, it helps—it can either help you move out and move on or can at least help you hold your own. In my case, it sort of backfired since I now I school loan debt, too….more ammunition for a verbally abusive person.

So, why don’t I leave? I still feel like a lot has to do with not having my mom here. My dad is remarried and doesn’t have a lot of time. I went from having the best and most loving family ever to really having no one there for me. Of course, I have my kids, but I have to be there for them, not vice versa. I know I cannot wait for someone to be there for me. Relatives are not going to grow on trees, I don’t want to burden friends because sounding boards don’t help you take action…I am going to have to rely on myself…but when these episodes happen, you (I) are at your weakest and don’t have the self esteem and energy to do anything. By the time I have the guts, the problem has blown over

I have avoided going back to counseling because the counselor really was a no-personality deadbeat. But, I’m thinking about it anyway and thinking about having him go and telling him it is either that or divorce. I think he will go, not eagerly, but he’ll go. Maybe I need to hash out what has been going on since we last went to counseling and get it on the table. I thought I did that before, however. But, I think he needs to be confronted in front of someone whom he can’t defraud or fool. Am I stupid to try counseling?

For whoever read this long book, thanks. If you didn’t but read any, thanks. I want to feel understood but wrote too much in the process of trying. You just can’t explain your life even in multiple pages, I guess.

--Disappointed, in Denial, and Numb in Indiana

2:00 AM, November 28, 2005  
Anonymous said...

From Anonymous Nov. 17--He called several times this morning and I couldn't answer...and stupid fool I am, I actually looked forward to the call becasue I knew I'd get an apology and he would feel so bad adn admit his wrongs, etc. That makes me feel he is human and there is hope...it keeps me here..which is idiotic because it is probably an act. But, he started out that way, then quickly turned the tables on me...I should at least admit I "started it" and why did he deserve that and that I acosted him, attacked him, put him in a situation...he thought everything was fine all weekend and then I unleash...all ways to make excuses or justify his behavior. Then, he proceeded into a 45 minute self discussion or crazy talk until I found myself agreeing with him somewhat for "my approach." He will never see it, but if he could only see that this was really not a big issue, but an issue that comes up in many families--someone is pulling more weight or someone isn't getting equal treatment--and it needs to be remedied. It was a little issue that could have been discussed in 3 minutes and been done--I feel this way and wish you would help out, etc. and then he would say--I didn't realize that and ok, I'll help out--or he could even disagree and say "I think you are being unreasonable and I don't agree, but I see your point, etc." --I don't even care if he agrees with me--but why not just talk politely?? Healthy people care if they've hurt the other person, right? Or they care if the other person feels a certain way, even if they aren't justified, right?

Instead, I approached it wrong...and I probably did. But, I'm not sure any way would have been right because he sees any "issue" as a confrontation.

I tried to bring up what he saw, his family--and he got very upset--telling me I have no right to bring up his family and that he could bring up all kinds of shit about my dad--then he proceeded to make fun of my dad and said I could go to the chess club and get a husband like my dad if that is what I want, etc. etc. I don't want to hurt him with his family, but I don't see why that hurts..the truth is the truth and he has to know something wasn't right if everyone in his family ended up divorced--there must have been problems people weren't talking about.

Because he won't talk about them, he is going to end up like them. I can't believe I'm saying this, because there is always some excuse, but I just don't want to deal with this because of the holidays...why couldn't it just be fake/nice until after the holidays, because this sucks. But after the holidays, then it will be a birthday or something keeping me here..."I'll wait until after..."--my famous last words.

We have a possibility of moving out of state--not far--just to IL. I didn't want to do it because of lack of support. But, I know this sounds crazy...I'm wondering if I should do it because here, maybe I'm afraid of explaining to people or people knowing our business. Maybe I should just pick up and go...if things are ok, great. But, if not, I could leave him there in that state and quietly get a divorce and no one here would even notice anything...not even my dad...until I was sure and until it was over. Maybe it is what I need. His job is there, so he would stay there, and I could move back closer to IN with the kids and I could use IL lawyers (that is a problem here in IN since I am a lawyer and everyone in my profession will know my business). Am I crazy to do this?? I just wonder if I break some ties and just go, I'll be clearer in my own mind as to what I want without any outside influences affecting me. I could go to an IL lawyer who doesn't know me (can't do that here), get an apartment or place there and the neighbors won't know or care, etc. and it will just be me and the kids...I could even quit my job since there would be the excuse of moving (which I want to quit anyway) and I could afford to live for 3-6 months without working so I could deal with the emotions, etc. Am I crazy or is this actually an idea worth considering??? I feel like I am hanging on to memories here and dreams of something--my mom, my history with him since he is all I've known, a childhood that is over, etc. Maybe there it would be a new life--which could get better--or a new place and life I wouldn't hang on to so much. I'm so afraid of change these days and that has kept me here. Maybe the move would help me prove to myself I can take risks and change--and maybe that would give me confidence to leave. Any thoughts???

11:53 AM, November 28, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous in Indiana-
I read your "book". I can relate to most of what you wrote. I'm shaking right now because I just got finished being yelled at for 45 minutes, called a liar and a cheat, selfish and uncaring.
I see (now days, finally!) that he is really describing himself when he calls me names, accuses me of things that I haven't done and changes history to cover his abusive ass! It's very enlightening when I listen to him rable on about what a horrible person HE is!
I just have to leave and go to my parents house, which I dread, my Mom is as controlling as he is, and she thinks that he is "a wonderful man". They live two hours away so I'll be able to come back and check on my kitties, get clothes, pay the bills. etc
oops he's back...gotta go

5:00 PM, November 28, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Dear Elyse-
I'm not sure, but I think the reason that I ended up with a controlling/abusive guy, is that my Mom is extremely controlling. I went from my Mom controlling me, to my boyfriend contolling me. And I never realized what was going on until after I married him. Now I'm paying for it, and find it hard to leave. My advice? Be careful...my friend. Make your own life before you hook up with someone!
Cheers and good for you for finding this website! (If only I had seen this years ago...)

10:07 PM, November 28, 2005  
ang said...

wow....i just listened to the recording. I've had this argument a thousand times with my verbally abusive ex who has now been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
It is so unbelieveable how the most innocent of questions or comments can trigger such a reaction. The truth is, with a guy like that, you can't say ANYTHING right.

I feel sorry for his ex-girlfriend...even worse for any current or future girlfriend.

I was more fortunate in my situation, b/c both my family AND his could see how abusive he was.

But it's time for you to stop defending yourself against this crazy man and his supportive group of friends and family. It's just not worth the time or effort. You can move on to better things with your life and not feel it necessary to respond to the people that enable him.

I think those that don't like that the conversation was recorded, should think about this....if you always speak to the people in your life that you love with respect, you won't get caught acting like an ass.

6:03 PM, November 29, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Dear Indiana-
I didn't get a chance to finish my earlier message to you (and anyone else who can relate) in response to your "book". YOU wrote:
"I don’t want to burden friends because sounding boards don’t help you take action…I am going to have to rely on myself…but when these episodes happen, you (I) are at your weakest and don’t have the self esteem and energy to do anything. By the time I have the guts, the problem has blown over"

During his last tirade,(which has blown over- just waitin' for the next one) when he went for a "drive"...I got up the nerve to send his sister the link to this website. (I had been thinking about doing it for days). I was SCARED TO DEATH to do it...but she wrote back "It's OK, I know, call me".
OMG...what a relief! I did call her, and there is only so much she can do, but I don't feel so alone anymore. YOU HAVE TO REACH OUT, even if you don't give all the details...friends don't want all the details, anyways! Just telling someone about the pain that I'm in is helping me to take the right steps to be free.
Fantasizing of finishing my degree and thinkin' of law school, too. The idea of having my own place again and taking care of myself has got me in a great mood, tonight! (He's "driving" again- outa my hair-YAY)

2:14 AM, December 02, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Dear Indiana (again)
Same Anonymous here as last post. I just re read your posts...I can't believe how similar we are. Our situations are so alike (exception- we don't have kids- my cats are my kids). I have a sweet 16 year old(everyotherweekend)stepson who I have loved since he was three years old.
In anycase, I'm new to this, and I'm wondering if anyone can refer me to some sort of message board/chat place thingy where "gals (or guys!)like us" can interact?!
Thanks!
and Thanks Eileen, I think you have saved my life.

2:47 AM, December 02, 2005  
a gay man said...

THINKING OF COUPLES THERAPY?

He Says:
He is doing it for you, (it’s really your problem).
He gives more, he opens up more, he loves you more, (you are not good enough)
If you could just change/do what I ask you, (you are not good enough AND it’s your problem).
We can get help for your depression/confusion/denial/controlling/quietness,etc (your problem he created long ago).

If he hasn’t recognized his abuse by now, he probably won’t later. And if he miraculously should, how hard would it really be to fix him. Are you willing to have the abuse come back over and over while he is working on it?

The person who goes to therapy will be the one you fell in love with long ago, not the person who manipulates, denies, degrades, and corrects you.

He is good to you because he is insecure, he needs you, needs to abuse you, to gain back his power and well, teaching a new victim is a lot of work.

Go to therapy alone and heal from this abuse

You will get by without him

You do not owe him anything.

Remember it is not your job to fix him, save the money you would waste on him egocentrically hogging all the time with “your problems

Your “problem” he created will now be free to change, grow, heal.

Best wishes to all of you who still need to get out, There is a better life for you out there.

3:49 AM, December 04, 2005  
Anonymous said...

More from anonymous in Indiana...to anonymous wherever you are and a "gay man said..."I've been reading the posts..just haven't had time to respond..." I'm in the he loves me stage and I "like conflict and try to create it" stage--half believing him that maybe I do cause the problem...but not really buying into his bullshit. I'm outwardly appreciative of the calm right now and outwardly ok, but inwardly I know the storm will come again and as long as I create a nice carefree life free of concerns, all will be well...but that is not normal. I did get him interested to look on this website, though...but he stopped after the introduction. I did call a therapist but am having second thoughts because it is expensive and he'll make me face my denial. Plus, I don't think I need help because I know it isn't me and I can't do anything to change me--at least that will help this relationship--without losing the real me and that is not acceptable. I will respond more soon. I have to admit...I am envious of those without kids and a house etc. that can just get up and go. In between storms, which is 80% of the time, he is very fun etc., and he is always good to the kids (except when they may by chance hear him be the way he is or sense the tension building) and I don't want to break up their family and I do love that good part of him. I think I perpetuate the cycle because of past experience, I brace for the storm and I think I cause it to erupt to get it over with to get back to the niceties of life. I'm actually finding myself doing it already....More later tonight when I have time.

1:20 PM, December 05, 2005  
Minerva said...

Eileen, I am so grateful for your site! I read the intro of your page and was in tears, I read on and found my relationship described.

I want you to know that also your page gave me the courage to get out of the hell I was in for the last 2 years (the first 2 years went well, I suppose because I was still on the pedestal) The free falling ended with a knife on my throat... the verbal, emotional and psychological abuse that happened was enough for me to have suicidal thoughts in the end.
I was stressed out and exhausted and more often ill than in any other time of my life. I was paralysed, doubted my own senses, lost contact to my Self, I walked on the often described eggshells and realised: no matter what I do or say, it will be wrong.
But (stupid me) I still hoped that one day everything will be like it was when we came together.
I developed a serious Stockholm Syndrome.

Now: I went out of it 2 weeks ago. I broke with him completely (including changing of telephone number etc) - in tears and in pain because he WAS the love of my life and the man I married because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Realising that this dream is over was the hardest but I got myself back in exchange. And made the experience that I AM the most important person for me. That was a fact I ignored before. He convinced me that I was not and my needs are not etc pp...

I have now contacted a lawyer for arranging the divorce procedure.
I went and spoke to people, contacted helplines for abused women, told it everyone who wanted to know and that helped against the panic attacks, the fear and the nightmares. He stalked me, threatened me in the last months when there was actually no positivity between us existing anymore. Now I left it completely. No contact. Thats the only way to get healthy again. I will move out of my place.

The trauma I will work through with psychotherapy. The main task is to define my borderlines anew.

Please continue the website, it is a very important channel for women and men who find themselves in the hell of an abusive spouse/partner.

P.S. English is not my mother tongue.

4:12 AM, December 07, 2005  
Anonymous said...

from anonymous in Indiana....
Well we were getting really close over the last 2 weeks...almost felt normal and healthy..he was acting normal...then out of the blue earlier today, he called and mentioned that he didn't know why, but he had been thinking back to college (my opinion is that he lives in the past--still calls h.s. friends, talks about h.s., talks about college--thinks he is still there--get a life)...and his mind wandered and he started remembering (of all bad things) a time when we were broken up (he thinks we were together) and he found my car at a fraternity house where I had dated a guy. I did stay there, but not with that guy or any guy...with some of my friends because we didn't want to drive--all in a room with no guys...and he turned on my lights in my car and let my battery die and left me a nasty note (he didn't remember that part). Anyway, he started thinking of me having sex with this guy and told me that was really only the time he ever felt truly betrayed. He said he didn't know why he was thinking that and laughed a little about it on the phone..I kind of blew it off but thought, ok, is this the excuse he is going to use to make things go south this time..something that happened--get this--15 years ago??? I asked him that and he said no and we joked several times about it. The night went fine, kids went to bed, and he said something to me and I didn't hear him in the other room and said "what" and he said "huh?""--really annoyingly as if he was annoyed I asked a question to his question when I was just indicating I couldn't hear him. Anyway, I thought that was rude and felt the tension---you know the kind when your brain kicks in after peacefulness and thinks--no, I'm just being senstive...blow it off...and then thinks is this happening again? Hard to explain unless you know the feeling I'm talking about. You were just close to the guy and felt normal and then the next day or next moment together you're like--who is this asshole--this isn't the guy I knew yesterday.

The kids went to bed (I worked 10-11 hours then with kids for 3 so just basically got off duty to relax--I went upstairs to clean out the closet since we're getting carpet tomorrow and he was laying on the bed...I just felt the weirdness...like either he wanted sex but was not making any romantic moves by any means but just hoping I'd just get to it or something...I could feel it in the air and because of his acting weird, it just grossed me out. He blew me a kiss aand said "love you." I guess I was kind of a jerk because I said "ok" and didn't say it back--but I just didn't like his attitude. And he said, "Ok???"--questioining my response and I said yeah, ok. He said he'd be down in a little bit...like oh yippee.

Then he came down and came up behind me to hug me--which I know sounds weird but I hate that when he is acting weird because he gives me the cooties during these times...actually a lot of times because of past experiences with him...I too have a hard time feeling close to him.

Then, he said "oh maybe I'll put on a Phi Si sweatshirt and that will work." What response can you give to that...any one will be wrong. So I tried to be adult and just asked him not to bring it up and why was he bringing it up when I was with this guy 15 years ago and we weren't going out?? Just to be clear--unlike many abusers...he is never a jealous person really. I think this must have to do with him feeling bad about himself and trying to make me feel yucky so I don't leave him or something or so I boost his ego or maybe he is upset this guy and I had sex all the time and we don't (sorry to write that but I'm pissed off right now and I feel like--hah, we did and it was really really good--how do you like that???--of course I'd never say that but he deserves it).

i even joked with him..."is this the part where you bring up stuff from 15 years ago to create a problem and to cut me down and then the tension builds and then it builds and then you explode and then there is peace again??? I said that to snap him back into reality...didn't really work. I also reminded him that years ago, when we were married about 2-3 years, he was traveling a lot, every week home on weekends only for 3-4 months...back then him cheating was never a concern and although things were somewhat tense, there was a lot of passion and I still believed in the fairy tale...and I was laying on the bed on the phone and just happened to open the nightstand on his side...have no idea why...and saw a phone bill with highlighted areas...Gotta go for a minute...be back..hear something...

11:02 PM, December 07, 2005  
Eileen said...

I have a surprise for you, Indiana (I hope he fell asleep and left you alone tonight), Rachel, Jen, Indigo, Ceridwen, Artemis, Gay Man, Anonymous (!) and the other people who come here to check in ... I'm inviting you to be the first "beta testers" of a new online community where you can start your own blogs (free) and follow each other's stories, support each other and chat in the forums, even write a collaborative book (free)!

The site will not go live for a few weeks, but if you'd like to check it out and register, I'd be honored:

http://www.thewordslinger.org/your_tribe

Please don't mind the occassional 'bugs' still being worked out; but please post content and let us know what needs fixin'.

Chocolate Wishes,
Eileen

11:29 PM, December 07, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Back from Indiana--

Anyway...I found a phone bill and there were lots of calls on his business phone at very wee hours in the morning 2-3 a.m. while on the road...and then I noticed they were right after calls to me (short ones). The calls were 1-2 hours. Anyway, I began snooping in his car since he was gone (had never snooped ever)..and right there in his day runner which he never used was a picture of a sleezy looking girl with a guy and another girl (normal pic)--and I just knew it was her...she was exotic looking, dark hair, cool eyes, the kind he had described when noticing attractive celebrities, etc. Then, I looked through addresses and found a few names, one named Chris...which could be male or female...but the number matched the one on the bill...I was getting somewhere...So, I developed a plan...I then called the number and asked for Chris...the woman who answered said "she" was not there and was visiting her boyfriend...ok weird...but this was a month or two afte the calls. I told her mother to tell her to stay away from my husband and that her daughter was a tramp and that she'd better watch herself because she was messing up my family...her mom told me oh, if you are talking about Jay, they're just friends...blah, blah blah...her mom even knew him and had met him.

I confronted him by asking him if he knew a Chris so and so and he turned white and I knew (not sure what, but knew something)...and then I asked him if Chris was a guy or girl and he said guy...and then asked him how he knew Chris and said from work...they worked together...asked if he usually talked to new male coworker friends at 2 a.m. for a couple of hours, etc. etc. asked him if Chris's mom knew "she" was really a guy, etc. He came "clean"--and made up some ridiculous story but the truth eventually came out that she was actually a stripper he met while with his boss at a bar...and he ws insecure and it was all about attention, etc., and it was all talking etc. because he didn't feel understood, etc. etc. Anyway, I never really believed the story and we separated for 3 months...more for his other behavioral problems...and I felt free for those 3 months...unfortunately we had to go to a friend's wedding and somehow with all the love stuff...ended up back together. I decided I would sort of forget the incident and sort of forgive because I--who I thought was the most moral person in the world--had struggled with some feelings for someone else too and I just figured...everyone is confronted with this at one time and if things are weak...I could see how bad decisions could be made. Anyway, I figured I had my problems and he had his and decided we'd just move on...which seemed to work..

Anyway, I brought this up to him tonight--that this was something AFTER our marriage--so how could he bring up something 5 years before marriage when we weren't even dating...which doesn't even count. He continually tried to say it was worse...because I had sex with the guy and he didn't have sex (ok...even if not I'm sure they didn't go to church together). I insisted it was nowhere near the same and that he broke trust after we took a vow, and he just doesn't see any difference. He is NUTS. Again, he is trying to crazymake...make me think I'm bad, I'm wrong, I'm a slut, whatever...and there is no comparison between the two things. The details (or at least more) aren't all that important, but his insistence that he "can't beleive I had sex with the guy over and over again" and then his comments that he also doesn't beleive me that I didn't cheat on spring break (I made that mistake long ago of telling him everything thinking we were being open and honest and would be closer--I was young, and have regretted everything I told him...if he only knew everything I, the very bad person, did prior to him or prior to marriage...thank God I didn't tell more) and starts going into this whole thing about spring break...in 1990!!! I ended with saying "I'm a good wife and mother and I don't know how you can bring this up now." Didn't phase him so later I just went up and told him I didn't think this was fair, that it hurt my feelings and I knew that was his intention but didn't know why, and that I deserve to be considered a good person and erase my past...especially premarriage. He idolized my mother, who is deceased, so I said what if my father brought up stuff to my mother that she had done in college and she was never allowed to be the good person she was...I'm a Christian and a good person and I try hard to be a good wife and mother and I don't think I deserve to be remembered or thought of for stuff I did 15 years ago. I said that he must be feeling bad about himself and wanted to make me feel bad to make himself feel better and he said that maybe he was. But, he also rolled his eyes when I mentioned my mom and the Christian thing...I guess I don't blame him that much for that... But, there is still lack of respect. I don't understand this picking on each other stuff...he is so immature. He is 36 and acts like he is still 16. I doubt I got through to him because intimacy didn't feel familiar to him so he is trying to make things comfortable again for him...which is the way things were when he grew up...distant and fake. How nice. OK--I'm just making myself feel better here...but I have to say/type this..I am a good person and I have a good heart and my mother instilled good qualities in me and I am like her on the inside even though it doesn't always come out that way on the outside because of circumstances I am in. But, I want to be like her, I want to make a difference in this world, and I want to be loved and respected and appreciated for who I am trying to be. I want to be a better person and even though I feel like I still remember the person I was molded into by my parents at 17...I am still trying to recapture that and be that..but I feel I can't be that person because he won't recognize it or believe it because in his head I am the slut from 1990. The thing is...I really don't believe him or get depressed...well a little...but it is more that I cannot be this wholesome goodhearted, kind, faithful person I am now...around him because in his mind I am not goodhearted and kind...I am just as bad as he is..he has to believe that or else he'll feel like an jerk or loser. he has to make me a jerk, slut, loser because then he doesn't look so bad.

Funny, when I met him, married him, and almost 2-3 years of marriage and he thought I was too good for him...he even told people that he was lucky and didn't know how he got me. I miss that. He seemed to pick me and stay with me because he wanted to be a better person and I brought that out in him, and my family brought that out....but instead, I got sucked into his world....more later.

11:33 PM, December 07, 2005  
sarah said...

Hello everybody, this is Sarah who wrote way back on Aug.18, the one with the daughter who was victimized by a teacher. I check the blogs every few days and I empathize with you all. The descriptions of life with these men are so similar I'm starting to wonder if there is some kind of A-hole handbook these guys follow. My husband despised religion, started conflicts during dinner-time, picked on my daughter to manipulate me, implied constantly that I was a whore, ridiculed me for crying,lied about finances and made me feel bad for buying myself anything,and basically forced us to walk on eggshells and create a conflict-free fantasy life to keep him calm. And here's the good part...he always used to say, "ButI JUST want YOU to be happy!"

Some of the things I experienced that I don't think have been discussed:
His habit of being very abusive when I was sick or hurt or otherwise vulnerable. One year I came down with mono. I was always sick when I was married-haven't had a sniffle since I left-and he was so hateful and mocked me constantly. It took a year to recover, most likely from stress and the fact that he guilted me into doing all the cooking and housework, even with jaundice and a swollen spleen, even after the doctor told him that I needed bed rest. He'd also do stuff like pick a fight when I was naked in the tub or when I had just got out of bed and was trying to pee, or when I was upset about something else.
In the later years of the marriage his weapon of choice was neglect. As I got less and less tolerant of abuse, he detatched. I probably saw him for a total of two hours every day. He got up before I did and got home at 5, went to bed at 7. If I complained, he made me feel like an ungrateful bitch because he was supporting the family. He spent the weekends playing on the computer and compulsively masturbating to pictures of barely legal teen girls (around that time he started commenting on how OLD I looked). We used to work out together, but when I started running and got fitter than him, that stopped. So did the already sparse sex. When I complained, he said I was nuts, he claimed we did it ALL the time and to prove it he started checking it off in his Franklin Planner. Then every Saturday afternoon he fulfilled his duty, during which, I could almost hear the chorus of "The Chain Gang". This neglect was the perfect way to hurt me because to the outside world it didn't SEEM like he was being mean. And it was upsetting for me because I was a housewife and somewhat isolated. And I was especially sensitive to that kind of treatment because my mother was widowed with 5 kids when I was little and I suffered a lot of unintentional neglect. Plus, the sex thing made me feel so gross and worthless. It got to the point where I didn't just feel unattractive, I felt deformed. When I knew the marriage was over and I was sitting there biding my time, I met a man at the gym where I alway had to go ALONE. Even though I never thought I'd do anything that bad (despite being described as a slut for twenty years) I slept with him. As bad as I felt morally, it was a relief. I kept asking him, "Am I ok down there? Is anything wrong with me?" I was very uncomfortable with him doing anything oral because my husband found me so repugnant. My lover kept saying,"You've GOT to understand, your husband is INSANE!"

Anyway, here's an update on things:
I'm still not divorced. My husband's attempt to screw me out of financial aid for college by not signing the divorce papers during the summer came back to bite him on the butt, I got the aid anyway. Now I won't have time to get the rest of my stuff out of the house and finalize things until the end of the semester. This and the fact that I'm not broke and in the gutter is upsetting him and he emails me constantly. [Thank you sweet Lord of justice and mercy for getting me out of there so I don't have to listen to the abuse, I just hit DELETE]. He wants our stuff (my, my daughter's) out so he can move in a girlfriend. Since I left this Feb, he has tried to get FOUR women to marry him! Unfortunately for him he'd gotten spoiled by my tolerent and beaten-down personality and when he acted the fool with these ladies they dumped him. Which kind of surprises me because a few of these women were really down on their luck and he's deceptively rich and charming. One was a stripper recovering from a physical abuser! Which leads me to a conclusion I've come to--we do not pick these men..THEY PICK US. I'm starting to get really mad at people who say that we intentionally asked for this. To me, they are buying into the abuser's fantasy. I think because of my childhood I had a hard time RECOGNIZING the abuse, but I didn't CHOOSE it! I like people who treat me well. I think abusers are predators. They look for an empathetic, sensitive person because one, empathetic, sensitive people are easy to emotionally blackmail, and two, they look down on such people, and they like to be around people they can feel superior to. Here's an example: A couple of weeks ago I started noticing this guy at school. He just suddenly appeared in my field of vision one day. Evey time I walked down a hall he seemed to be there. One day I brought some cereal for lunch. I had just poured the milk and was shoving chunky fiber cereal in my mouth. Prince Charming picks that moment of all moments to come over and introduce himself. I'm thinking, wow, I look awkward eating this stuff. I had to make a decision whether to stop eating and ruin my lunch or just keep shoving. It dawns on me, hey this guy waited until I was vulnerable, he wants an advantage, and he wants to get it at my expense. I keep eating. The next day he's waiting for me after art history. I'm thinking..hmm he knows my schedule. We have a little conversation on the way upstairs, he tries to steer it so I will admit I have low self-esteem. I snap, "you know I don't, but it seems like people want me to". We get upstairs and I'm looking at the Coke machine. I need caffeine. He keeps trying to get me to buy water. I insist on the caffeine. He gets huffy, and shakes my hand and says, "nice meeting you!" I'm thinking, didn't I meet you yesterday. He walks back into class. He left class to monopolize my time after history! He essentially stalked me, but Yea! I failed the test, he now hates me! He looks nice and sensitive, but I can SEE now, he is a stealth asshole! And maybe in the past I would have bought into it, but now I CAN SEE IT! I've been educated, I don't go looking for trouble, it came looking for me.

Wow, this is long and I have to study for finals, I'll keep in touch. Love to you all. Sarah

4:48 PM, December 09, 2005  
Anonymous said...

After reading/listening to the recorded conversation, I must state that this is not an accurate or legitimate tool to use in searching for answers in an abusive relationship. I have a problem with it being recorded knowingly by the female. Thus, no matter how you look at it, the female was entirely aware of being recorded and therfore cannot be natural. If the conversation was recorded unknowingly to both parties, it truly would be "real" and objective and then a useful tool to base research on.

This recorded conversation states nothing viable for research on this subject since Eileen was aware of being recorded and therefore could call the shots and, in many aspects, control the conversation and illustrate certain points to her advantage. Imagine if Sean was aware of being recorded how much more different the conversation would have been and if Eileen did not know while being recorded.

I am doing research on this subject and do not know either Eileen or Sean personally.

I find this website very small-minded and essentially petty. I agree with many posters that this is an exhibition of personal slander and is very unconstructive to finding a solution. It seems Eileen uses the disguise of "helping others" for her true intentions of personally attacking her former significant other for her OWN devices and satisfaction.

peace

1:07 PM, December 10, 2005  
Eileen said...

OK, FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME:

1) I did NOT "secretly" record him.
SEAN KNEW WE WERE BEING RECORDED.
SEAN KNEW WE WERE BEING RECORDED.
SEAN KNEW WE WERE BEING RECORDED.
SEAN KNEW WE WERE BEING RECORDED !!! Don't believe me? Click on "ALLIES" then "Eileen's Journal" then "next" and listen to him TALKING ABOUT MAKING THIS RECORDING HIMSELF.

2) SEAN WAS MUCH MORE AGGRESSIVE AND MEAN WHEN THE RECORDER WAS OFF. This is why I turned it on. He scared me, and it was the ONLY thing that reeled in his attacks; the possibility of being held accountable.

3) SLANDER IS NOT THE SAME AS TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT ABUSE. If I made things up, or put words in his mouth, THAT would be slander.
People mostly cry "SLANDER!" when they fear being exposed, not because they are innocent bystanders. NOTHING on this site is untrue - and I purposely used HIS voice and ONLY his voice because it's NOT slander, it's the simple truth. I have a damn fine lawyer that will back me up on this.

4) At the very least, READ THE WHOLE SITE before you decide to "take sides".

5:44 PM, December 10, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Eileen:

Thank you for this page! And thanks too for the idea of recording. You're right - it wuickly turned out that just knowing the recorder was on would make him less overtly nasty & rageful (no surprise -- he was always better in public). But he was still covertly abusive, & having the tapes to go back to when he lied and denied it did me worlds of good. I'm on my way out now, & just having made that decision - finally- has given me real relief and energy.

11:58 PM, December 11, 2005  
Anonymous said...

The 2 year mark seems to be a common thread. Our 2 year mark will be 28DEC05. I can't bear the thought of "pretending" in front of his (wonderful) family again this Christmas... but I also don't want to spend it alone. I just sold my townhouse, I'm getting out of the Navy (in a few months) after 8 years... and I don't know what I'm going to do. He got divorced after his ex-wife put him in jail for domestic violence- (and I REALLY believed that he was innocent- he's such a "good guy"- she MUST have been crazy!). When he's mad he shakes, the veins on his neck pop out, his eyes almost cross. "Dirty cunt" is is favorite name to call me- and I've learned to shout back (looking in the mirror I don't even recognize myself- I use to be SO strong). I know its not healthy, he's gone to anger management (court ordered), and he admits he has an anger/self-esteem/obsessive compulsive problem... he's gone to church (to get the demons out), he's done everything... but for now, until I can find somewhere else to live- and more importantly find a life again, I'll have to "pretend" and cuddle up to the man I use to love more than anything in the world. Your website helped me feel less alone- but I guess my real problem isn't KNOWING he's treating me badly (OF COURSE I KNOW) it's doing something about it.

1:30 AM, December 12, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Wow, I think I am reading on here the splitting image of my husband and his sexual emotional abuse tactics! We did not have sex prior to marraige and he told me more than once that I was "a nightmare". Or he has pushed me away and humiliated me for having the very desires that makes "basic" sex possible! I have walked around for 4 years wondering if I'm "ok" sexually and if I am "ok" down there.

And I do agree with what I have read here about predators--we do not go looking for trouble at all. They come looking for us and try to push their way into our lives.

I have had a recent experience where a man that I am aquainted with through old friends, has tried to use "low self-esteem" to his advantage! He says that I must have one because I am going to the gym to work out--therefore I must have a low self-esteem because I think that I am fat!!!?? He says that I am really not fat and should not "worry" so much. (Does he mean NOT go?-I think he does with as many comments he has made) I am a few pounds overweight-not obese--He is approx 150 lbs overweight and doesnt do anything but complain about it to all who will listen. I am ok with myself. Maybie he isnt. Every time I run into him he makes a comment about how I should NOT work out so much. I go to workout to reduce the stress in my life and for my overall health.

He actually told me one day that-"I was nervous"--(that was when my muscles were taxed from working out!) -no I am not, his behavior is getting me that way, though--he is starting to scare me and he is only an aquaintance.--(I have gone out of my way to avoid him lately.) I gave him a ride somewhere and he told me every move to make on my driving. He started telling everyone about yelling at this young woman walking by through the park while talking on her cell phone. (She was in the park, not the library) He was yelling at a complete stranger to "shut up" because he says she was talking too loud and that cell phones are annoying. Why do some people make every little move in your life their business? Power and control? It is pretty sad when someone you barely know is trying to control such small things as to what you are drinking that day, or wearing, or ....whatever.... bet they would NOT like it if the shoe were on the other foot!

Meanwhile, these people dont seem to me to want to see you do anything that could possibly get you to feeling good. Why? One of my theories: 1)They have to look at themselves and see how they measure up 2)When you attempt to change yourself for the better, it changes the other's world good or bad in some way and people hate change--usually. And the other one is that they are insecure bullies that see THEIR world through the lense of power and control- not equality.

6:49 PM, December 13, 2005  
Anonymous said...

To Indiana, Gay Man and all readers. "Annoymous" here...ha ha ha.
To Gay Man specifically- WOW what you wrote means so much, I'VE been putting off making the appointment for expensive therapy. I never realized why it 'just didn't feel right'to set up an appointment at this time. I told him that if HE wants to sort things out together then HE should schedule the appointment. Hmmmmm...do you think he has? Of course not, he doesn't want to have to admit that he may have done something wrong. As long as EVERYTHING is my fault (including the bruises)well, then, he's in the clear. Thanks for your post, I'll be spending the $$ on getting my OWN therapy until he's ready to take some (take ANY!) responsiblity.
Oops gotta go
forgive any spelling mistakes I'm typing in a hurry

8:11 PM, December 13, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Annonymous ha ha ha here to continue my diatribe as quickly as I can.
Again, thank you gay man.
Indiana...my husband can pull (made up)stuff out out of thin air. It seems the more obvious the abuse (ie two visits from the police and a trip to jail -!!!!-) the more fantastic things he "remembers". He has convinced himself that I slept with my brothers best friend (YES>>>ALSO 15 years ago). Oh and now I've apparantly slept with the bartender from the job that I had 10 years ago, as well as having some sort of orgy or something with my sister and "some guys we -must-have met that night we went to the Brian Setzer Concert.
I HAVE NEVER, EVER CHEATED ON HIM.
I have no reason to lie. I can count on one hand...not including the thumb...the times that I have gone out w/o him in fifteen years. And I can name where I was, with who, and what we did.
Yikes, now that I'm thinking about it, I realize how creepy it is... not only that I almost never went out with friends, but also that he has turned the very few times that I went out w/o him into something salicious. That is so wrong.
gotta go

9:10 PM, December 13, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Annonymous ha ha ha back again...
I think that what I'm dealing with is mental illness. I haven't yet mentioned to anyone the constantly "talking to himself" outloud. (I always think he's on the phone, but, no, he's not)He also repeats certain phrases over and over again when he is falling asleep, or asleep, or waking up. He does admit to being OCD...and OCD runs in his family, as does abuse.
I realize that mental illness is not an excuse for abuse, but how do you get help for someone who insists that they don't need help?
Thanks Ya'll

9:42 PM, December 13, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Ridiculous

12:13 AM, December 15, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Ridiculous

12:17 AM, December 15, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Ridiculous

12:23 AM, December 15, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Ridiculous

12:23 AM, December 15, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Ridiculous

12:24 AM, December 15, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Ridiculous

12:25 AM, December 15, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Ridiculous

12:25 AM, December 15, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Ridiculous

12:25 AM, December 15, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Ridiculous

12:26 AM, December 15, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Where to begin...I am currently seperated and now divorcing after he promises reconciliation numerous times and moves in and out,playing with my emotions. I look at the signs and they say he is an abuser but in the end the signs even agree with me(am I an abuser as well now) or is this because I am so numb now I accept whatever. My marriage was brief, he married me(I had no idea, not that type of girl) only days after a 20 year marriage, since then I have found out so many secrets. He is so manipulative... the pro-male therapist was convcinced I was borderline personality,A book given to me from my personal therapist for him and his traits. He has no remorse, the divorce will get nasty and I gave up everything to be with him.I am still dependent, jobs are hard to find and I need some encouragement. I have never felt like this and feel blank inside. I have heard so much the issue was me, problems from my child hood, I don't know what to think or say. I have no real support system. Hearing others say they thought they had lost it gave me hope though maybe it isn't me afterall.

4:24 PM, December 15, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Yep, I think I know who wrote those "Ridiculous" comments. I'm sooo embarrased. I saw my husband reading this blog (that I "accidentally" left open) last night, and I knew it was either a really GOOD thing, or a really BAD thing. Obviously it is the latter.
Sorry everybody, but at least it is more clear to me what I need to do. Sad, sad, sad.

5:08 PM, December 15, 2005  
Anonymous said...

From Anonymous in Indiana...haven't been checking in as much...but thought I'd see what has been going on here...as strange as it sounds...to all of you...just know that someone here in Indiana knows you are not crazy, and knows you are worth something...even though you feel worth nothing. I know how easy it is to feel crazy and to feel worthless, even when you had a great childhood and had parents that made you feel very valuable, etc. You question yourself, you question if it is you, you feel crazy. You want to love this man and you do and I don't think that is necessarily wrong.

But, unfortunately or fortunately, I got some weird therapy a long time ago briefly called parts therapy in which I would identify my various parts and even give them names. It was totally goofy and I didn't like it much and it didn't last long. But, it did remind me and I laugh everytime (because I had a part I named Candy, Dan, etc. to represent certain things:)) that everyone has different parts, a female vulnerable type part, a male strong part, a creative part, good bad and ugly parts, etc.--how ridiculous. The therapist taught me that my husband has these really strong parts and it isn't crazy that I love some of them. That made me think if I could just bring out those parts and that kept me hanging in there. I have to admit, sometimes I'm glad I did and other times I'm not.

Same therapist also had me involved in "breathing" which was some weird kind of journeying, and then started holding lectures on alien life, etc. and how the government people are really lizards with skin. Funny, the same people attended each time...started smelling like a cult...that was it for me. Sorry, just thought you would find this funny. Talk about preying on vulnerability...my mom died, grandma died and friend was killed all within 1-2 years.

You will all think I am crazy now because I am experiencing one of those parts with him now...he can be very caring and sensitive...unfortunately "problems" are a problem. Ok, and now here I go...telling how things are great..and then remembering the asshole thing he did a few days ago..If something has to be discussed or I ask him something and he takes it wrong...he has some weird filter that hears completely different things, etc. etc. You've seen the description above. He has a very low threshold for stressors.

I can relate to creating the conflict free fairytale world described above. I have told him that over and over again. I have told him that his mom lived in this fake fairytale for 33 years and then got real and divorced his dad. But, funny, his mom still lives in that fairytale la la land...we never know a time or place for holidays, events; she doesn't knock or call when she comes over (except now we put the deadbolt on), etc....Everything is just "whenever you want to come..and oh I don't know when we're having Christmas...la, la, la...while everyone else has already set times and places and knows what is going on in this real life...and she gets left neglected and wonders why we didn't stop by...It's as if she doesn't want to rock the boat by being assertive and then wonders why things didn't work out her way. I'm just not capable of living like that.

Interestingly, my husband is aware of my visits to this site and has read certain things. I have printed stuff out from it. He has also been online and can see where I've been. I don't really hide it. I guess I'm still trying to help him so I can help me.

He has said "why do you get on that You are Not Crazy" website all the time and I tell him..."to remind myself that I am not crazy." I've pointed out his abusive tactics listed on this site when they happen. When minor things have happened, I've called him on it and I'll even label them and say "I know what you are doing and it isn't going to work with me"...luckily I can be pretty good at his verbal manipulation sometimes (not all though because he is really really good/bad depending how you look at it). This website has given me the basic terms and tools without getting wordy so I can remember the stuff and it makes me feel empowered just recognizing what is going on during a crazymaking session, as I call it. I can spot things whereas before I fell into the trap and maybe even contributed to it trying to make him see my point or understand me and just spinning it further out of control.

I have been trying to just call it as it happens, although I usually do this a lot when we are on the phone and it is early...since it is less risky than calling him on things in person. I tread lighter at home because of past experience although I am getting braver and I am also just walking away from him and trying not to allow him to make me feel bad or crazy etc.

For an update on recent stuff, however, for the first time ever, recently got stressed out about lots of crying in the house (there was a lot of kid stress--no doubt) and yelled at my daughter in a way I thought was even too much for an adult to take. She was being disciplined and was in the naughty (timeout) chair and I was actually putting her there because earlier when I wasn't home, she wrote on the wall after my husband told her not to. His mom was over and they took a pen away from her and told her no, and then later she did it. I asked where she got the pen and he said he (or his mom who was over at the time) must have put it back down....STUPID...whose fault is that? Anyway, I asked him what he did about it and he said he scolded her (which hasn't worked lately) and I said "what else" and he said "nothing." There was no instruction or teaching of course because why communicate when you can just scold or yell? So, I tried to teach her (too late) and thought he would be happy I supported him and she cried while she was there and he lost it and yelled at her, which made her cry more of course.

I want downstairs and confronted him about it and told him there was no excuse and I would not tolerate that with my children...I could handle it...but not them and he said "you are just trying to make me feel bad" and rolled his eyes and I told him he deserved to feel bad....don't throw it back at me and get mad at me...why not just let yourself feel bad...feel the pain...don't inflict it on me. I made sure he knew how serious I thought this was the next day and told him if he kept it up, he would turn her into him...did he want that for her?? Like his dad did to him?? I told him he needed to take responsibility and not make excuses, etc. and told him that he needed to understand that no matter what happens, no one--not me or the kids or anyone--deserves his anger--that he knows his problem and if he cannot control himself, he must leave the premises. Great words. Probably futile.

and told him what is necessary to make it right. I've told him apologies won't cut it and he must just not do it...period. Unfortunately, he has admitted to me many times that he doesn't want to be this way but is afraid it is the way he was built, trained, etc. and that he might be too far gone. At counseling awhile back, he was trying to look all cool to the counselor and trying to build an allie when teh counselor point blank looked at him and said "how was that funny...what was your intention...how did you want her to feel by doing that..." and it freaked him out.

What is so disappointing in the last few months is things I said I would not tolerate again, and hadn't endured for many months (thinking there was real change) happened again... which makes you feel like crap because you made a deal with yourself

But, as "petty" and "unscientific" and one sided the previous poster thinks Eileen's site is...this wasn't meant as a resource for your piss-ant research project for your term paper or thesis or book or whatever stupid project you are working on that doesn't take from real lives and focuses on numbers and statistics etc. If your term "petty" means basic, then maybe you are right. I'm not sure Eileen is a Ph.D. looking for objective "testing." Who cares? It's not like we are all saying, Eileen you are God and we now bow down to you, praise ye Eileen (ok, maybe between posts I am). She did something very basic...she provided names to things and basic information and shared her story and then was brilliant enough to creat a blog for comments that took a life of its own. Everyone who has been in a relationship like this can point to her basic terms and basic definitions and they are dead on. It is not elaborate or all flowery...it just gets to the point and shares her experiences. Any one of us who has had the stupid crazymaking conversations can read that conversation. Even though Eileen said vary little (ok, she could control this) he did ALL the talking even though he knew he was being recorded and still sounded like an ass...honestly probably not to the extent of some of the men described here...but still an ass. You can sense and hear the crazyness in his voice, the annoyingness of examining the smallest comment by her...the psychoness of it. He wouldn't let her explain or talk...he cut her off.

Eileen could be any woman...she could be black, white, hispanic, young, old, educated, uneducated, abused as a child/not abused as a child, have low self esteem, not have low self esteem, dependent, independent, have a support system, no support system (although I do wonder if that is a common thread here...lack of a good support system...because I didn't have one...no mom, siblings, etc.), she could be your mom, sister, friend, coworker. Whoever is doing this "research" obviously has no idea. If you want to get into the lives of those living with these men, then read and listen. If you want to write some stupid paper that tells nothing about the real lives of these women and the dynamics in their lives, then go elsewhere. The terms and cutdowns lead me to believe you are an abuser...who cares if it doesn't help your research? You found it necessary to cut down and belittle...Just take the site for what it is...and get off (although you probably have a small penis and can't--ok, I stooped to your level)>

Gotta go..parts of this probably don't make sense...but I hear noise upstairs...he does not know about the blog part of this

2:05 AM, December 16, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Ok no noise...
I just noticed "ridiculous" typed multiple times...Is he trying to be funny in that he is playing into the ocd thing or is he just evidencing that he is in fact OCD and every 60 seconds must post the same thing.

2:09 AM, December 16, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Hey, this is Annonymous (ha ha ha) from the 13th. I want to make something very clear to ya'll. My husband has never hit me or beat me. The bruises that I mentioned in a previous post were from "restraining" me. Just thought I'd clear that up. After all, this website is not about physical abuse.
Cheers & Happy Holidays

8:25 PM, December 16, 2005  
Wen' said...

Well, I don't know Eileen or what's his name or any of you (I don't think so, anyway!). I do know that my hubby is abusive, emotionally, physically, financially, and I know that the crazy-making is real. It's so real it's a term used in abuse counselling to describe what an abuser does to twist things his or her way.
From what I've seen and read here, I'd say what's his name IS abusive and if anyone can't face that, then maybe they're in denial too. Talk to an abuse counsellor or something, but get off your high horses, people. Those who have posted that they don't understand why she stayed with him or whatever, are OBVIOUSLY ignorant of the whole cycle of abuse thing.
Get educated.

12:40 AM, December 17, 2005  
a gay man said...

Thank you Eileen for this great site, you have helped me and many others realize what they need to do. Of course it is'nt easy to get out of an abusive relationship. My previous posting was more of a confirmation for myself that the abuse was not going away and would probably only escalate. The "good" periods are shorter and although he has agreed to go to counseling he has not admitted to having any problems. That is too much of a red flag, the first stage to getting help for a problem is accepting that you have one.

There are many good books out there to read. Try Amazon searches for emotional and/or verbal abuse (ie: Secrets of Overcoming Emotional Abuse, The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond. We all should take responsibility for getting in these relationships also, less the cycle continue. My guy is moving out the first of the year and while I feel like I am losing my left arm, I will not have to live with the the uncertainty and apprehension any more. It is very liberating.

Bruises ??? Restraining ???
That sounds like you need to get away immediately, verbal abuse often leads to physical abuse and most likely will escalate. It is VERY appropriate discussion for a site like this.

Good Luck too you all.

7:03 PM, December 17, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I'm a 51 year old female, married to the same man for 29 years and just discovered Pat Evans books on Verbal Abuse. I also read the book Boundaries and many of Melanie Beattie's books on Co-Dependency. Subsequently I am learning to set boundaries for the first time in my life, recovering although slowly and gradually from codependency AND recognizing verbal abuse and just realizing how many controlling and abusive people I have allowed to trample on my self esteem and inner peace. Not only my husband but also some friends, my sister, and my 3 daughters have been abusive. I have been the codependent people pleaser, and hoop-jumper. The more I attempted to gain the intimacy and approval I longed for, the worse the abuse and control would become. FINALLY its like a DUH to me...I see that it takes two to tango. Without a victim there is no abuse. This lady got it. She understands that in her need to get stuff from other, she allowed herself to be mistreated. Nobody made her do it. Her power is in her recognition and acceptance of that fact as well as in her freedom to purposefully act otherwise. She recognizes the damage she allowed to be inflicted on her self esteem and inner peace. She understands that she is the gatekeeper and caretaker to these essential parts of herself. It is up to her to clarify her limits and permit no trespass. While taking responsibility for your own life may sound terribly lonely to the uninitiated, it is the most wonderful and natural place to live! Personal Responsibility. The abuser and the victim do not take responsibility for themselves. The victim gives away the store to get love and approval. The abuser expects the loved one to give them the store. Or else... This bargain does not work because the exchange of care taking duties are no substitutes for self-esteem, self-regard, and self-love. Esteem et al can only be granted by the Self. They must be earned, and cheating doesn't work. Self-esteem, Self-control

2:21 PM, December 19, 2005  
Anonymous said...

POST CONTINUED: Anger is an easy place to get stuck. It feels better than depression. Anger is a necessary emotion which provides lots of information. What matters is what is done with the anger and the message its trying to give you. The abuser is stuck in anger and blaming because they have not owned up to their responsibility for their own stuff. It is much easier to fault another for what went wrong than to own a problem and fix it. The victim is typically unable to access his or her anger, though it is there, often masquerading as depression. But the anger still leaks out, hence the saying ...angry where you shouldn't be and not angry where you should be. Read email from a lady who is hurting herself by blatantly not taking responsibility here. The former victim who gets stuck in anger is mis-behaving as poorly as the abusive person. Getting stuck in anger is what happens when the former victim begins to use some of the techniques of the abuser. This is not empowerment. This is blaming. On Blaming The Victim. Some may interpret that this viewpoint somehow blames the victim. Not so. Neither the victim nor the abuser are off the hook. Each has to work out their own stuff, which has absolutely nothing to do with the other person's stuff. There is no other way out. Nobody can do it for you. Read email from a former victim who is stuck in anger. Getting stuck in fear, terror, mistrust, outrage, etc. The fix: Don't get stuck in self-blame, rage, anger, woes, etc. Take responsibility, take control of your life and fix what you don't like. You can't trust anybody that much! While, control over the victim's fate is exactly what the controller appears to want, they really don't. They want limits placed on them. They will not like the limits, but will respect you for imposing them. Nobody is that trustworthy! How can you possibly trust anyone to anticipate you well enough to know what you need? They simply can't do it, no matter how much they may love you or want to. It is your job to care for yourself, like it or not. Personal Responsibility. To achieve personal responsibility, an individual must be able to recognize and accept what is, exercise enough control over the self to do nothing while weighing the alternatives and choosing the best available option. Then calmly, and skillfully acting. Emotional, out-of-control behavior is likely to diminish self-respect despite the momentary ego-boost. Without personal responsibility and its requisite control-over-the-self, there can be no self-respect. If...If an angry person treats their partner poorly, how can he or she possibly feel OK about themselves? Considering the hoops most angry people jump through to conceal their true agenda from the world and, often enough, from themselves, how badly they feel about themselves is obvious. If a victim person permits themselves to be treated poorly, how can he or she possibly feel OK about themselves - when there is not enough self-respect to end the abuse? If this victim accepted reality and therefore understood that the noxious behaviors they permit are not OK, they would be furious. A Recovery Map. Give up denial, accept reality. Yes, reality may be unfair, painful, etc., but it is. No matter how much you may hate it or want to wish it away, you cannot. (Reality can also be really cool!) Distorted reality is a byproduct of irrational thoughts that create panic, depression, helplessness, etc. While believing a fantasy is created to protect the self from bad feelings, it ends up creating them. Self-deceit is an excellent way to give your personal power away and to lose control over your life. Why would you want to do that? Avoid the common traps of getting stuck in If-Only Land, It's-Not-Fair Land, My-Way Land, I'm-An-Awful-Person Land or any other type of compulsive over-emotionality. No matter how unfair, terrifying, etc. reality seems, it is. There is no other (sane) option. When you do get stuck in a trap, and you will, just notice that you are there. Then get yourself out. Now. Obsessing over unfairness, unlovability, awfulness, etc. is counterproductive and offers nothing but pain. Obsessing is not about noticing your feelings, sitting with them, or letting them go. Obsessing is a symptom and just another way of not facing what is. Chill out and begin to problem solve. This is the time to sit with yourself and notice your feelings and what information they are trying to convey. Be objective and honest with yourself. Take your time and weigh your available options. Sit with what is uncomfortable or sad. Notice it. What is it telling you? Let it go. Get on with the rest of life. Act. This is the level of skill, such as assertion, as opposed to acting out of any type. Mastery at this level promotes trust in the self, self-respect and personal power. When in doubt, do nothing. Monday morning quarterback your failed experiments, learn from them and repeat steps. Simply move on and incorporate new knowledge. Pick up a good how to book on assertion. Learn what you don't know. Moral of the Story: There is no good guy and no bad guy. We're all a little broken. So, don't worry about what your partner is doing or not doing, just look at what you're doing. Attaining personal responsibility is each person's business. Nobody is off the hook.

2:22 PM, December 19, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I'm a 51 year old female, married to the same man for 29 years and just discovered Pat Evans books on Verbal Abuse. I also read the book Boundaries and many of Melanie Beattie's books on Co-Dependency. Subsequently I am learning to set boundaries for the first time in my life, recovering although slowly and gradually from codependency AND recognizing verbal abuse and just realizing how many controlling and abusive people I have allowed to trample on my self esteem and inner peace. Not only my husband but also some friends, my sister, and my 3 daughters have been abusive. I have been the codependent people pleaser, and hoop-jumper. The more I attempted to gain the intimacy and approval I longed for, the worse the abuse and control would become. FINALLY its like a DUH to me...I see that it takes two to tango. Without a victim there is no abuse. This lady got it. She understands that in her need to get stuff from other, she allowed herself to be mistreated. Nobody made her do it. Her power is in her recognition and acceptance of that fact as well as in her freedom to purposefully act otherwise. She recognizes the damage she allowed to be inflicted on her self esteem and inner peace. She understands that she is the gatekeeper and caretaker to these essential parts of herself. It is up to her to clarify her limits and permit no trespass. While taking responsibility for your own life may sound terribly lonely to the uninitiated, it is the most wonderful and natural place to live! Personal Responsibility. The abuser and the victim do not take responsibility for themselves. The victim gives away the store to get love and approval. The abuser expects the loved one to give them the store. Or else... This bargain does not work because the exchange of care taking duties are no substitutes for self-esteem, self-regard, and self-love. Esteem et al can only be granted by the Self. They must be earned, and cheating doesn't work. Self-esteem, Self-control

2:23 PM, December 19, 2005  
Anonymous said...

POST CONTINUED: Anger is an easy place to get stuck. It feels better than depression. Anger is a necessary emotion which provides lots of information. What matters is what is done with the anger and the message its trying to give you. The abuser is stuck in anger and blaming because they have not owned up to their responsibility for their own stuff. It is much easier to fault another for what went wrong than to own a problem and fix it. The victim is typically unable to access his or her anger, though it is there, often masquerading as depression. But the anger still leaks out, hence the saying ...angry where you shouldn't be and not angry where you should be. Read email from a lady who is hurting herself by blatantly not taking responsibility here. The former victim who gets stuck in anger is mis-behaving as poorly as the abusive person. Getting stuck in anger is what happens when the former victim begins to use some of the techniques of the abuser. This is not empowerment. This is blaming. On Blaming The Victim. Some may interpret that this viewpoint somehow blames the victim. Not so. Neither the victim nor the abuser are off the hook. Each has to work out their own stuff, which has absolutely nothing to do with the other person's stuff. There is no other way out. Nobody can do it for you. Read email from a former victim who is stuck in anger. Getting stuck in fear, terror, mistrust, outrage, etc. The fix: Don't get stuck in self-blame, rage, anger, woes, etc. Take responsibility, take control of your life and fix what you don't like. You can't trust anybody that much! While, control over the victim's fate is exactly what the controller appears to want, they really don't. They want limits placed on them. They will not like the limits, but will respect you for imposing them. Nobody is that trustworthy! How can you possibly trust anyone to anticipate you well enough to know what you need? They simply can't do it, no matter how much they may love you or want to. It is your job to care for yourself, like it or not. Personal Responsibility. To achieve personal responsibility, an individual must be able to recognize and accept what is, exercise enough control over the self to do nothing while weighing the alternatives and choosing the best available option. Then calmly, and skillfully acting. Emotional, out-of-control behavior is likely to diminish self-respect despite the momentary ego-boost. Without personal responsibility and its requisite control-over-the-self, there can be no self-respect. If...If an angry person treats their partner poorly, how can he or she possibly feel OK about themselves? Considering the hoops most angry people jump through to conceal their true agenda from the world and, often enough, from themselves, how badly they feel about themselves is obvious. If a victim person permits themselves to be treated poorly, how can he or she possibly feel OK about themselves - when there is not enough self-respect to end the abuse? If this victim accepted reality and therefore understood that the noxious behaviors they permit are not OK, they would be furious. A Recovery Map. Give up denial, accept reality. Yes, reality may be unfair, painful, etc., but it is. No matter how much you may hate it or want to wish it away, you cannot. (Reality can also be really cool!) Distorted reality is a byproduct of irrational thoughts that create panic, depression, helplessness, etc. While believing a fantasy is created to protect the self from bad feelings, it ends up creating them. Self-deceit is an excellent way to give your personal power away and to lose control over your life. Why would you want to do that? Avoid the common traps of getting stuck in If-Only Land, It's-Not-Fair Land, My-Way Land, I'm-An-Awful-Person Land or any other type of compulsive over-emotionality. No matter how unfair, terrifying, etc. reality seems, it is. There is no other (sane) option. When you do get stuck in a trap, and you will, just notice that you are there. Then get yourself out. Now. Obsessing over unfairness, unlovability, awfulness, etc. is counterproductive and offers nothing but pain. Obsessing is not about noticing your feelings, sitting with them, or letting them go. Obsessing is a symptom and just another way of not facing what is. Chill out and begin to problem solve. This is the time to sit with yourself and notice your feelings and what information they are trying to convey. Be objective and honest with yourself. Take your time and weigh your available options. Sit with what is uncomfortable or sad. Notice it. What is it telling you? Let it go. Get on with the rest of life. Act. This is the level of skill, such as assertion, as opposed to acting out of any type. Mastery at this level promotes trust in the self, self-respect and personal power. When in doubt, do nothing. Monday morning quarterback your failed experiments, learn from them and repeat steps. Simply move on and incorporate new knowledge. Pick up a good how to book on assertion. Learn what you don't know. Moral of the Story: There is no good guy and no bad guy. We're all a little broken. So, don't worry about what your partner is doing or not doing, just look at what you're doing. Attaining personal responsibility is each person's business. Nobody is off the hook.

2:23 PM, December 19, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I'm a 51 year old female, married to the same man for 29 years and just discovered Pat Evans books on Verbal Abuse. I also read the book Boundaries and many of Melanie Beattie's books on Co-Dependency. Subsequently I am learning to set boundaries for the first time in my life, recovering although slowly and gradually from codependency AND recognizing verbal abuse and just realizing how many controlling and abusive people I have allowed to trample on my self esteem and inner peace. Not only my husband but also some friends, my sister, and my 3 daughters have been abusive. I have been the codependent people pleaser, and hoop-jumper. The more I attempted to gain the intimacy and approval I longed for, the worse the abuse and control would become. FINALLY its like a DUH to me...I see that it takes two to tango. Without a victim there is no abuse. This lady got it. She understands that in her need to get stuff from other, she allowed herself to be mistreated. Nobody made her do it. Her power is in her recognition and acceptance of that fact as well as in her freedom to purposefully act otherwise. She recognizes the damage she allowed to be inflicted on her self esteem and inner peace. She understands that she is the gatekeeper and caretaker to these essential parts of herself. It is up to her to clarify her limits and permit no trespass. While taking responsibility for your own life may sound terribly lonely to the uninitiated, it is the most wonderful and natural place to live! Personal Responsibility. The abuser and the victim do not take responsibility for themselves. The victim gives away the store to get love and approval. The abuser expects the loved one to give them the store. Or else... This bargain does not work because the exchange of care taking duties are no substitutes for self-esteem, self-regard, and self-love. Esteem et al can only be granted by the Self. They must be earned, and cheating doesn't work. Self-esteem, Self-control

2:23 PM, December 19, 2005  
Anonymous said...

POST CONTINUED: Anger is an easy place to get stuck. It feels better than depression. Anger is a necessary emotion which provides lots of information. What matters is what is done with the anger and the message its trying to give you. The abuser is stuck in anger and blaming because they have not owned up to their responsibility for their own stuff. It is much easier to fault another for what went wrong than to own a problem and fix it. The victim is typically unable to access his or her anger, though it is there, often masquerading as depression. But the anger still leaks out, hence the saying ...angry where you shouldn't be and not angry where you should be. Read email from a lady who is hurting herself by blatantly not taking responsibility here. The former victim who gets stuck in anger is mis-behaving as poorly as the abusive person. Getting stuck in anger is what happens when the former victim begins to use some of the techniques of the abuser. This is not empowerment. This is blaming. On Blaming The Victim. Some may interpret that this viewpoint somehow blames the victim. Not so. Neither the victim nor the abuser are off the hook. Each has to work out their own stuff, which has absolutely nothing to do with the other person's stuff. There is no other way out. Nobody can do it for you. Read email from a former victim who is stuck in anger. Getting stuck in fear, terror, mistrust, outrage, etc. The fix: Don't get stuck in self-blame, rage, anger, woes, etc. Take responsibility, take control of your life and fix what you don't like. You can't trust anybody that much! While, control over the victim's fate is exactly what the controller appears to want, they really don't. They want limits placed on them. They will not like the limits, but will respect you for imposing them. Nobody is that trustworthy! How can you possibly trust anyone to anticipate you well enough to know what you need? They simply can't do it, no matter how much they may love you or want to. It is your job to care for yourself, like it or not. Personal Responsibility. To achieve personal responsibility, an individual must be able to recognize and accept what is, exercise enough control over the self to do nothing while weighing the alternatives and choosing the best available option. Then calmly, and skillfully acting. Emotional, out-of-control behavior is likely to diminish self-respect despite the momentary ego-boost. Without personal responsibility and its requisite control-over-the-self, there can be no self-respect. If...If an angry person treats their partner poorly, how can he or she possibly feel OK about themselves? Considering the hoops most angry people jump through to conceal their true agenda from the world and, often enough, from themselves, how badly they feel about themselves is obvious. If a victim person permits themselves to be treated poorly, how can he or she possibly feel OK about themselves - when there is not enough self-respect to end the abuse? If this victim accepted reality and therefore understood that the noxious behaviors they permit are not OK, they would be furious. A Recovery Map. Give up denial, accept reality. Yes, reality may be unfair, painful, etc., but it is. No matter how much you may hate it or want to wish it away, you cannot. (Reality can also be really cool!) Distorted reality is a byproduct of irrational thoughts that create panic, depression, helplessness, etc. While believing a fantasy is created to protect the self from bad feelings, it ends up creating them. Self-deceit is an excellent way to give your personal power away and to lose control over your life. Why would you want to do that? Avoid the common traps of getting stuck in If-Only Land, It's-Not-Fair Land, My-Way Land, I'm-An-Awful-Person Land or any other type of compulsive over-emotionality. No matter how unfair, terrifying, etc. reality seems, it is. There is no other (sane) option. When you do get stuck in a trap, and you will, just notice that you are there. Then get yourself out. Now. Obsessing over unfairness, unlovability, awfulness, etc. is counterproductive and offers nothing but pain. Obsessing is not about noticing your feelings, sitting with them, or letting them go. Obsessing is a symptom and just another way of not facing what is. Chill out and begin to problem solve. This is the time to sit with yourself and notice your feelings and what information they are trying to convey. Be objective and honest with yourself. Take your time and weigh your available options. Sit with what is uncomfortable or sad. Notice it. What is it telling you? Let it go. Get on with the rest of life. Act. This is the level of skill, such as assertion, as opposed to acting out of any type. Mastery at this level promotes trust in the self, self-respect and personal power. When in doubt, do nothing. Monday morning quarterback your failed experiments, learn from them and repeat steps. Simply move on and incorporate new knowledge. Pick up a good how to book on assertion. Learn what you don't know. Moral of the Story: There is no good guy and no bad guy. We're all a little broken. So, don't worry about what your partner is doing or not doing, just look at what you're doing. Attaining personal responsibility is each person's business. Nobody is off the hook.

2:23 PM, December 19, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I'm a 51 year old female, married to the same man for 29 years and just discovered Pat Evans books on Verbal Abuse. I also read the book Boundaries and many of Melanie Beattie's books on Co-Dependency. Subsequently I am learning to set boundaries for the first time in my life, recovering although slowly and gradually from codependency AND recognizing verbal abuse and just realizing how many controlling and abusive people I have allowed to trample on my self esteem and inner peace. Not only my husband but also some friends, my sister, and my 3 daughters have been abusive. I have been the codependent people pleaser, and hoop-jumper. The more I attempted to gain the intimacy and approval I longed for, the worse the abuse and control would become. FINALLY its like a DUH to me...I see that it takes two to tango. Without a victim there is no abuse. This lady got it. She understands that in her need to get stuff from other, she allowed herself to be mistreated. Nobody made her do it. Her power is in her recognition and acceptance of that fact as well as in her freedom to purposefully act otherwise. She recognizes the damage she allowed to be inflicted on her self esteem and inner peace. She understands that she is the gatekeeper and caretaker to these essential parts of herself. It is up to her to clarify her limits and permit no trespass. While taking responsibility for your own life may sound terribly lonely to the uninitiated, it is the most wonderful and natural place to live! Personal Responsibility. The abuser and the victim do not take responsibility for themselves. The victim gives away the store to get love and approval. The abuser expects the loved one to give them the store. Or else... This bargain does not work because the exchange of care taking duties are no substitutes for self-esteem, self-regard, and self-love. Esteem et al can only be granted by the Self. They must be earned, and cheating doesn't work. Self-esteem, Self-control

2:23 PM, December 19, 2005  
Anonymous said...

POST CONTINUED: Anger is an easy place to get stuck. It feels better than depression. Anger is a necessary emotion which provides lots of information. What matters is what is done with the anger and the message its trying to give you. The abuser is stuck in anger and blaming because they have not owned up to their responsibility for their own stuff. It is much easier to fault another for what went wrong than to own a problem and fix it. The victim is typically unable to access his or her anger, though it is there, often masquerading as depression. But the anger still leaks out, hence the saying ...angry where you shouldn't be and not angry where you should be. Read email from a lady who is hurting herself by blatantly not taking responsibility here. The former victim who gets stuck in anger is mis-behaving as poorly as the abusive person. Getting stuck in anger is what happens when the former victim begins to use some of the techniques of the abuser. This is not empowerment. This is blaming. On Blaming The Victim. Some may interpret that this viewpoint somehow blames the victim. Not so. Neither the victim nor the abuser are off the hook. Each has to work out their own stuff, which has absolutely nothing to do with the other person's stuff. There is no other way out. Nobody can do it for you. Read email from a former victim who is stuck in anger. Getting stuck in fear, terror, mistrust, outrage, etc. The fix: Don't get stuck in self-blame, rage, anger, woes, etc. Take responsibility, take control of your life and fix what you don't like. You can't trust anybody that much! While, control over the victim's fate is exactly what the controller appears to want, they really don't. They want limits placed on them. They will not like the limits, but will respect you for imposing them. Nobody is that trustworthy! How can you possibly trust anyone to anticipate you well enough to know what you need? They simply can't do it, no matter how much they may love you or want to. It is your job to care for yourself, like it or not. Personal Responsibility. To achieve personal responsibility, an individual must be able to recognize and accept what is, exercise enough control over the self to do nothing while weighing the alternatives and choosing the best available option. Then calmly, and skillfully acting. Emotional, out-of-control behavior is likely to diminish self-respect despite the momentary ego-boost. Without personal responsibility and its requisite control-over-the-self, there can be no self-respect. If...If an angry person treats their partner poorly, how can he or she possibly feel OK about themselves? Considering the hoops most angry people jump through to conceal their true agenda from the world and, often enough, from themselves, how badly they feel about themselves is obvious. If a victim person permits themselves to be treated poorly, how can he or she possibly feel OK about themselves - when there is not enough self-respect to end the abuse? If this victim accepted reality and therefore understood that the noxious behaviors they permit are not OK, they would be furious. A Recovery Map. Give up denial, accept reality. Yes, reality may be unfair, painful, etc., but it is. No matter how much you may hate it or want to wish it away, you cannot. (Reality can also be really cool!) Distorted reality is a byproduct of irrational thoughts that create panic, depression, helplessness, etc. While believing a fantasy is created to protect the self from bad feelings, it ends up creating them. Self-deceit is an excellent way to give your personal power away and to lose control over your life. Why would you want to do that? Avoid the common traps of getting stuck in If-Only Land, It's-Not-Fair Land, My-Way Land, I'm-An-Awful-Person Land or any other type of compulsive over-emotionality. No matter how unfair, terrifying, etc. reality seems, it is. There is no other (sane) option. When you do get stuck in a trap, and you will, just notice that you are there. Then get yourself out. Now. Obsessing over unfairness, unlovability, awfulness, etc. is counterproductive and offers nothing but pain. Obsessing is not about noticing your feelings, sitting with them, or letting them go. Obsessing is a symptom and just another way of not facing what is. Chill out and begin to problem solve. This is the time to sit with yourself and notice your feelings and what information they are trying to convey. Be objective and honest with yourself. Take your time and weigh your available options. Sit with what is uncomfortable or sad. Notice it. What is it telling you? Let it go. Get on with the rest of life. Act. This is the level of skill, such as assertion, as opposed to acting out of any type. Mastery at this level promotes trust in the self, self-respect and personal power. When in doubt, do nothing. Monday morning quarterback your failed experiments, learn from them and repeat steps. Simply move on and incorporate new knowledge. Pick up a good how to book on assertion. Learn what you don't know. Moral of the Story: There is no good guy and no bad guy. We're all a little broken. So, don't worry about what your partner is doing or not doing, just look at what you're doing. Attaining personal responsibility is each person's business. Nobody is off the hook.

2:23 PM, December 19, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I'm a 51 year old female, married to the same man for 29 years and just discovered Pat Evans books on Verbal Abuse. I also read the book Boundaries and many of Melanie Beattie's books on Co-Dependency. Subsequently I am learning to set boundaries for the first time in my life, recovering although slowly and gradually from codependency AND recognizing verbal abuse and just realizing how many controlling and abusive people I have allowed to trample on my self esteem and inner peace. Not only my husband but also some friends, my sister, and my 3 daughters have been abusive. I have been the codependent people pleaser, and hoop-jumper. The more I attempted to gain the intimacy and approval I longed for, the worse the abuse and control would become. FINALLY its like a DUH to me...I see that it takes two to tango. Without a victim there is no abuse. This lady got it. She understands that in her need to get stuff from other, she allowed herself to be mistreated. Nobody made her do it. Her power is in her recognition and acceptance of that fact as well as in her freedom to purposefully act otherwise. She recognizes the damage she allowed to be inflicted on her self esteem and inner peace. She understands that she is the gatekeeper and caretaker to these essential parts of herself. It is up to her to clarify her limits and permit no trespass. While taking responsibility for your own life may sound terribly lonely to the uninitiated, it is the most wonderful and natural place to live! Personal Responsibility. The abuser and the victim do not take responsibility for themselves. The victim gives away the store to get love and approval. The abuser expects the loved one to give them the store. Or else... This bargain does not work because the exchange of care taking duties are no substitutes for self-esteem, self-regard, and self-love. Esteem et al can only be granted by the Self. They must be earned, and cheating doesn't work. Self-esteem, Self-control

2:24 PM, December 19, 2005  
Anonymous said...

POST CONTINUED: Anger is an easy place to get stuck. It feels better than depression. Anger is a necessary emotion which provides lots of information. What matters is what is done with the anger and the message its trying to give you. The abuser is stuck in anger and blaming because they have not owned up to their responsibility for their own stuff. It is much easier to fault another for what went wrong than to own a problem and fix it. The victim is typically unable to access his or her anger, though it is there, often masquerading as depression. But the anger still leaks out, hence the saying ...angry where you shouldn't be and not angry where you should be. Read email from a lady who is hurting herself by blatantly not taking responsibility here. The former victim who gets stuck in anger is mis-behaving as poorly as the abusive person. Getting stuck in anger is what happens when the former victim begins to use some of the techniques of the abuser. This is not empowerment. This is blaming. On Blaming The Victim. Some may interpret that this viewpoint somehow blames the victim. Not so. Neither the victim nor the abuser are off the hook. Each has to work out their own stuff, which has absolutely nothing to do with the other person's stuff. There is no other way out. Nobody can do it for you. Read email from a former victim who is stuck in anger. Getting stuck in fear, terror, mistrust, outrage, etc. The fix: Don't get stuck in self-blame, rage, anger, woes, etc. Take responsibility, take control of your life and fix what you don't like. You can't trust anybody that much! While, control over the victim's fate is exactly what the controller appears to want, they really don't. They want limits placed on them. They will not like the limits, but will respect you for imposing them. Nobody is that trustworthy! How can you possibly trust anyone to anticipate you well enough to know what you need? They simply can't do it, no matter how much they may love you or want to. It is your job to care for yourself, like it or not. Personal Responsibility. To achieve personal responsibility, an individual must be able to recognize and accept what is, exercise enough control over the self to do nothing while weighing the alternatives and choosing the best available option. Then calmly, and skillfully acting. Emotional, out-of-control behavior is likely to diminish self-respect despite the momentary ego-boost. Without personal responsibility and its requisite control-over-the-self, there can be no self-respect. If...If an angry person treats their partner poorly, how can he or she possibly feel OK about themselves? Considering the hoops most angry people jump through to conceal their true agenda from the world and, often enough, from themselves, how badly they feel about themselves is obvious. If a victim person permits themselves to be treated poorly, how can he or she possibly feel OK about themselves - when there is not enough self-respect to end the abuse? If this victim accepted reality and therefore understood that the noxious behaviors they permit are not OK, they would be furious. A Recovery Map. Give up denial, accept reality. Yes, reality may be unfair, painful, etc., but it is. No matter how much you may hate it or want to wish it away, you cannot. (Reality can also be really cool!) Distorted reality is a byproduct of irrational thoughts that create panic, depression, helplessness, etc. While believing a fantasy is created to protect the self from bad feelings, it ends up creating them. Self-deceit is an excellent way to give your personal power away and to lose control over your life. Why would you want to do that? Avoid the common traps of getting stuck in If-Only Land, It's-Not-Fair Land, My-Way Land, I'm-An-Awful-Person Land or any other type of compulsive over-emotionality. No matter how unfair, terrifying, etc. reality seems, it is. There is no other (sane) option. When you do get stuck in a trap, and you will, just notice that you are there. Then get yourself out. Now. Obsessing over unfairness, unlovability, awfulness, etc. is counterproductive and offers nothing but pain. Obsessing is not about noticing your feelings, sitting with them, or letting them go. Obsessing is a symptom and just another way of not facing what is. Chill out and begin to problem solve. This is the time to sit with yourself and notice your feelings and what information they are trying to convey. Be objective and honest with yourself. Take your time and weigh your available options. Sit with what is uncomfortable or sad. Notice it. What is it telling you? Let it go. Get on with the rest of life. Act. This is the level of skill, such as assertion, as opposed to acting out of any type. Mastery at this level promotes trust in the self, self-respect and personal power. When in doubt, do nothing. Monday morning quarterback your failed experiments, learn from them and repeat steps. Simply move on and incorporate new knowledge. Pick up a good how to book on assertion. Learn what you don't know. Moral of the Story: There is no good guy and no bad guy. We're all a little broken. So, don't worry about what your partner is doing or not doing, just look at what you're doing. Attaining personal responsibility is each person's business. Nobody is off the hook.

2:24 PM, December 19, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I'm a 51 year old female, married to the same man for 29 years and just discovered Pat Evans books on Verbal Abuse. I also read the book Boundaries and many of Melanie Beattie's books on Co-Dependency. Subsequently I am learning to set boundaries for the first time in my life, recovering although slowly and gradually from codependency AND recognizing verbal abuse and just realizing how many controlling and abusive people I have allowed to trample on my self esteem and inner peace. Not only my husband but also some friends, my sister, and my 3 daughters have been abusive. I have been the codependent people pleaser, and hoop-jumper. The more I attempted to gain the intimacy and approval I longed for, the worse the abuse and control would become. FINALLY its like a DUH to me...I see that it takes two to tango. Without a victim there is no abuse. This lady got it. She understands that in her need to get stuff from other, she allowed herself to be mistreated. Nobody made her do it. Her power is in her recognition and acceptance of that fact as well as in her freedom to purposefully act otherwise. She recognizes the damage she allowed to be inflicted on her self esteem and inner peace. She understands that she is the gatekeeper and caretaker to these essential parts of herself. It is up to her to clarify her limits and permit no trespass. While taking responsibility for your own life may sound terribly lonely to the uninitiated, it is the most wonderful and natural place to live! Personal Responsibility. The abuser and the victim do not take responsibility for themselves. The victim gives away the store to get love and approval. The abuser expects the loved one to give them the store. Or else... This bargain does not work because the exchange of care taking duties are no substitutes for self-esteem, self-regard, and self-love. Esteem et al can only be granted by the Self. They must be earned, and cheating doesn't work. Self-esteem, Self-control and Personal Power. Without self-control and self-discipline there can be no self-esteem. How can you feel good about yourself if you don't feel good about the way you behave? Self esteem is the result of personal power: control and discipline over the self. An individual must trust themselves enough to know that they can deal with any situation. Trust in the self is attained as one learns to exercise the cognitive, emotional and behavioral skills to needed to facilitate smart, goal-seeking behavior. The abuser and the victim do not seek to control the self, the only one they have any true power over. They each look to control each other, other people, situations, outcomes. The victim obtains some sense of esteem by working hard at pleasing the abuser (and anyone else), in the hopes of getting approval. The abuser attains some sense of esteem by convincing others of his or her worth. What hard work for so little return! Thoughts Distort Reality. Automatic and irrational thoughts underlie the distortion of reality. In the email example above, the writer finally recognized that jumping over hoops for loved ones would not make her them love her more. She had to accept that all the hoop-jumping in the world would not work, and in fact worked against her. Yet, the thought doing for doing equals love governed her existence for years. Her thought was automatic in that it operated in the background. Yet, until she noticed it, she was not aware it operated at all! She was on autopilot because the thought governed her behavior! The thought was irrational in that it is not true that hoop-jumping brings love. Pleasing usually brings approval, which is not love, and is most likely to result in being taken for granted. Ouchhh! In order to see reality more clearly, this lady had to dump the fantasy - or the automatic thought. Until she accepted what is (DUH), she got nowhere. The effects of automatic and irrational thoughts are profound and far-reaching and are the basis of cognitive-behavioral psychology. A few more common irrational thoughts: The victim expects to receive undying love once their broken partner is healed through their perfect love. The abuser believes that somewhere out there is a perfect person who is all-caring and who will never, ever disappoint. The abuser insists on being perfectly cared for, no matter what! Some results of irrational thoughts: Anger! Substituting approval for self esteem results in an unending and unsatisfying cycle of doing for, doing for, doing for. There is tremendous anger underneath the giving, but the distorted reality keeps the anger from identifying its true target - and doing (or not) something about it! Poor self-esteem! Self-esteem and self-respect are compromised because deep down, it is difficult to feel OK about oneself when the self has given away its power to exercise choices. Depression: Others or fate or the self is blamed for one's woes. How can an individual feel good about themselves when they have put on a blindfold, tied their hands behind their back and rely on intuiting the needs and expectations of loved ones to guide and protect them! Anger! The abuser, who makes their partner responsible for their comfort, well-being, happiness, etc., gives away their power. Expecting another disappointment in a harsh world, they get it (Seek and Ye Shall Find) and then lash out. Poor self-esteem! Self-esteem and respect are severely compromised. Deep down, this individual feels like a cad. No amount of denial can justify treating others poorly. This translates into a lack of inner peace and consequent inability to sit still and be with themselves. Winning, getting over and other types of power substitute for self-esteem. As these individuals begin to own their behavior, they are horrified. Depression: Sensing their inherent brokenness, the pity pot is a place angry people know well. Why me, why me.... The Obsession to Feel OK. The victim person lives Inside an uncomfortable and never-ending cycle of denial and self-deceit where esteem supplies are substituted for approval. They are obsessed with being loved and compulsively engage in behaviors that will win approval or affection. They need an outsider to make them feel OK, and sell themselves short in the process of acquiring it. The anger that inevitably builds towards the person they do so much for is usually hidden and expressed elsewhere in situations where they feel more power. The angry person lives inside an uncomfortable and never-ending, compulsive cycle of denial and self-deceit where esteem supplies are substituted for being cared for or by the thrill of winning and convincing others of their power. The obsession to feel OK is momentarily met by moments of perfect caring or shows of power. Like saccharine, the taste is bittersweet, but there are no calories with which to sustain life. Read email from a man trying to take responsibility, but not really succeeding yet here. Setting Limits. Victims of controlling, abusive partners have an especially difficult time since in an effort to appear particularly loyal, they often have given away their resources. While the odds may be stacked against the victim, the simple reality is that there are 2 choices. Do something or not. Abusive people are stuck in fear, though this is not obvious. They don't trust themselves and are terrified of their lack of control. They don't know what they may do! They are looking for their partner to impose boundaries on them - so they may feel safer. Partners who impose few limits are regarded with increasing contempt. Getting Stuck in Anger and Blaming.

8:51 AM, December 20, 2005  
Anonymous said...

POST CONTINUED: Anger is an easy place to get stuck. It feels better than depression. Anger is a necessary emotion which provides lots of information. What matters is what is done with the anger and the message its trying to give you. The abuser is stuck in anger and blaming because they have not owned up to their responsibility for their own stuff. It is much easier to fault another for what went wrong than to own a problem and fix it. The victim is typically unable to access his or her anger, though it is there, often masquerading as depression. But the anger still leaks out, hence the saying ...angry where you shouldn't be and not angry where you should be. Read email from a lady who is hurting herself by blatantly not taking responsibility here. The former victim who gets stuck in anger is mis-behaving as poorly as the abusive person. Getting stuck in anger is what happens when the former victim begins to use some of the techniques of the abuser. This is not empowerment. This is blaming. On Blaming The Victim. Some may interpret that this viewpoint somehow blames the victim. Not so. Neither the victim nor the abuser are off the hook. Each has to work out their own stuff, which has absolutely nothing to do with the other person's stuff. There is no other way out. Nobody can do it for you. Read email from a former victim who is stuck in anger. Getting stuck in fear, terror, mistrust, outrage, etc. The fix: Don't get stuck in self-blame, rage, anger, woes, etc. Take responsibility, take control of your life and fix what you don't like. You can't trust anybody that much! While, control over the victim's fate is exactly what the controller appears to want, they really don't. They want limits placed on them. They will not like the limits, but will respect you for imposing them. Nobody is that trustworthy! How can you possibly trust anyone to anticipate you well enough to know what you need? They simply can't do it, no matter how much they may love you or want to. It is your job to care for yourself, like it or not. Personal Responsibility. To achieve personal responsibility, an individual must be able to recognize and accept what is, exercise enough control over the self to do nothing while weighing the alternatives and choosing the best available option. Then calmly, and skillfully acting. Emotional, out-of-control behavior is likely to diminish self-respect despite the momentary ego-boost. Without personal responsibility and its requisite control-over-the-self, there can be no self-respect. If...If an angry person treats their partner poorly, how can he or she possibly feel OK about themselves? Considering the hoops most angry people jump through to conceal their true agenda from the world and, often enough, from themselves, how badly they feel about themselves is obvious. If a victim person permits themselves to be treated poorly, how can he or she possibly feel OK about themselves - when there is not enough self-respect to end the abuse? If this victim accepted reality and therefore understood that the noxious behaviors they permit are not OK, they would be furious. A Recovery Map. Give up denial, accept reality. Yes, reality may be unfair, painful, etc., but it is. No matter how much you may hate it or want to wish it away, you cannot. (Reality can also be really cool!) Distorted reality is a byproduct of irrational thoughts that create panic, depression, helplessness, etc. While believing a fantasy is created to protect the self from bad feelings, it ends up creating them. Self-deceit is an excellent way to give your personal power away and to lose control over your life. Why would you want to do that? Avoid the common traps of getting stuck in If-Only Land, It's-Not-Fair Land, My-Way Land, I'm-An-Awful-Person Land or any other type of compulsive over-emotionality. No matter how unfair, terrifying, etc. reality seems, it is. There is no other (sane) option. When you do get stuck in a trap, and you will, just notice that you are there. Then get yourself out. Now. Obsessing over unfairness, unlovability, awfulness, etc. is counterproductive and offers nothing but pain. Obsessing is not about noticing your feelings, sitting with them, or letting them go. Obsessing is a symptom and just another way of not facing what is. Chill out and begin to problem solve. This is the time to sit with yourself and notice your feelings and what information they are trying to convey. Be objective and honest with yourself. Take your time and weigh your available options. Sit with what is uncomfortable or sad. Notice it. What is it telling you? Let it go. Get on with the rest of life. Act. This is the level of skill, such as assertion, as opposed to acting out of any type. Mastery at this level promotes trust in the self, self-respect and personal power. When in doubt, do nothing. Monday morning quarterback your failed experiments, learn from them and repeat steps. Simply move on and incorporate new knowledge. Pick up a good how to book on assertion. Learn what you don't know. Moral of the Story: There is no good guy and no bad guy. We're all a little broken. So, don't worry about what your partner is doing or not doing, just look at what you're doing. Attaining personal responsibility is each person's business. Nobody is off the hook.

8:51 AM, December 20, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:25 AM, December 20, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:25 AM, December 20, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:25 AM, December 20, 2005  
ninab said...

this place rocks
I am the product of mondo abuse growing up and now TA-DA I am smack in the middle of a marriage that is a mess, full of mental abuse galore...Hey I know its not an excuse but I thought it was normal.
I mean doesn't everyone live like this?
I am discovering that it was and is not normal and I am struggling to take the next baby steps away from the abuser and towards the light...
Thanks for being here and laying it all out there for someone like me who needs the direction.

2:39 PM, December 20, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I LOVE this website. THANK YOU Eileen!

I met my boyfriend randomly, but everything seemed to fit so perfectly. I hadn't been in love like this in years. He was so charming! Our relationship started falling apart about halfway through. I tried figuring out what was wrong with me. I tried reevaluating my communication skills. I felt like he wasn't thinking of my feelings because I wasn't saying something right . . .

At first he demanded sex three times a day, then he decided it would be ok to do it once a day - but he was demanding it! I turned him down more often than not because I felt pressured. When I turned him down he threw a fit, which made me more scared of him and less attracted to him. We weren't doing it to be close and I started dreading the topic - which he brought up a few times a day. I felt like there was something wrong with me because he's exceptionally good looking, but I couldn't make myself be attracted. In hindsight, I really feared him more than I loved him. He consistently accuses me of cheating because "if you're not doing it with me you must be doing it with someone else. Women want sex more than men do." I NEVER CHEATED.

I go to a ceramics class on Monday nights and he came with me once. I invited him so he could see there was really a classroom, and the class was all women except for the teacher, whom he had already met. He GRILLED my teacher to find out if there were other men in the class.

I had the flu for a week and he holds it against me. He almost enjoys bringing up the week I "didn't want to go out with him or even have sex," and ESPECIALLY the day I took off from work. I was sick so I took off a day from work and he was offended. "you took a whole day off from work - you have a whole day to spend with your boyfriend and you just want to sleep?!" Yeah - because I WAS SICK!

Usually he's too drunk to remember our fights anyway. I'm sober every time. I remember all the hateful things he's said to me. I started saving text messages and reading them back to him. He tries taking my phone.

Last night we broke up again. No more second chances. He stormed out and I let him go. He called for a ride (because he doesn't have a license due to a DUI). Said he was freezing. I offered him the number for the local cab service. He's used to me running out to my car and picking him up. He said he dialed the wrong number when he called me and hung up. I told him we're over because he's said too much that I can't forgive. He sees nothing wrong with the things he's said.

This website said people like this don't change. It gave specific examples of "techniques" used by verbally abusive people. As we fought last night red flags were popping up all over. He's a classic case. He was denying things he had said, making me question my memory of things that I KNOW had happened, changing the subject so he didn't have to acknowledge or validate my feelings ("you cry all the time, you cry about everything - how am I supposed to know when you're really upset?" the point he missed? HE MAKES ME CRY ALL THE TIME!!!), changing the subject when I asked direct questions about WHY he did/said things (it always ends up being my fault when he hurts me), and then somewhere near the end of our conversation last night he got up to puke. He went out with his buddy to get wasted because he was angry because I turned down sex again.

I yelled at him so loud my throat hurts and my ears were ringing. I repeat myself. and repeat myself. and repeat myself.

My teeth hurt. I feel like someone hammered a nail in between my eyes. I feel like I'm about to have a nose bleed. I must have bitten my tongue at some point because it hurts. My eyes hurt. I'm furious. A co-worker asked if I was ok. All I could say was "I'm angry." I'm angry that I fell for standard issue emotional abuse tactics. I'm pissed because he was manipulating my memories and making me question things I KNOW I had HEARD! After reading the definitions of abusive tactics, I could label things he said to me AS he was saying them to me, and it threw me over the top because I could finally see clearly what he was doing. I'm not crazy. He's sick.

I refuse to answer my cell phone for him. The love is officially gone. I don't owe him anything. I'm completely fed up and finished. I told him it was over. He said "I hate you for not loving me." That might have hurt me last week.

2:58 PM, December 20, 2005  
Anonymous said...

we slept together saturday night. last night i had had enough and left him. as he was leaving he told me that the condon had broken (I knew this) but not before he "finished" (I did NOT know this) and that I would have to sue him for child support.

6:08 PM, December 20, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Might I suggest a theme song for the site?

"Think" by Aretha Franklin

I ain't no psychiatrist
I ain't no doctor with degrees
But it don't take too much high I.Q.
To see what you're doin' to me

You better think (think)
Think about what you're tryin' to do to me
Yeah think (think - think)
Let your mind go, let yourself be free

Hey, think about what you're trying to do to me
Baby! Think, let your mind go, let yourself be free.

People walkin' around everyday
Playin' games and takin' scores
Tryin' to make other people lose their minds
Well be careful you don't lose yours!

Yeah, think, think about what you trying to do to me
Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, let your mind go, let yourself be free.

Oh freedom (freedom)
freedom (freedom) freedom
Oh freedom
Yeah freedom (yeah) freedom!!
Hey - think about it
You! think about it

9:11 AM, December 21, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Seriously, everyone get a "Best of Aretha Franklin" cd. That woman is empowering! I never realized how many of her songs relate to abuse . . .

"Respect"
"Think"
"Chain of Fools"
"Do Right Woman, Do Right Man"
"I Never Loved a Man (The Way That I Love You)"

and especially "Save Me"

10:26 AM, December 21, 2005  
Anonymous said...

i stumbled across this website... i think it is a good one...
i've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years now. i love him to death. we broke up a couple months ago for about 2 months and now we're back together again. he broke up with me. Anyways... i'm still deciding whether he emotionally abuses me or not. He does seem to point out every little thing i do that is wrong then when i try to explain myself or tell him how i feel he makes me feel bad by saying "well i'm just not a good boyfriend" then i have to back down and say "sorry" for whatever it is i did. whatever. i told him this while we were broken up and i said i do not want to get back together if he continues to do this. we've been ok for a while but now it's happening again. He yelled at me today for calling him too much. then we were supposed to hang out today and he says he would rather spend time alone doing nothing. i don't like it when he smokes and i ask him to respect my feelings and consider quiting and he yells at me and says "i do what i want".. i don't know what to do.. like i said i love him to death.. sometimes i feel like i lose power over myself just to keep him or not start a fight and have him break up with me again.

1:43 AM, December 22, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Hey Y'all-
He is sooo good at this- so good at convincing me that I AM the f*ck up. It happens every time. I believe him...and then I come home, to this site.
He is the BEST FREAKIN' husband ever. But I know what will come again.
Yeah, it WILL BE DIFFERENT "this time"...if not, PUHLEEZE!!!...someone just kill me because I don't have the "balls" -(or the $$ or a place) to leave.

3:40 AM, December 23, 2005  
Anonymous said...

I feel so lonely.

My family is unable to truly provide the love and support I need to get through these stinking holidays.

I recently fought with my mother, whom I'm visiting with my two-year old. My friends think I'm being stupid and silly for getting upset with her. I went from O to 55 in five seconds and walked out of the house as the sun was setting. I of course was seen as immature, not protecting my self from her visciousness.

And you know what. In some ways they are right. I will never tell them what transpired between my mother and I because it is stupid. It has to do with control issues that they can never understand because all they think about is how the holidays are supposed to be spent with family, they think about tradition, they think about themselves as mothers and the relationship they have with their kids.

It is true. Everyone thinks of themselves.

I should just have simply said, my mother overstepped her boundaries and no matter what they think - (parents are allowed; parents are well-meaning, well-intentioned; they don't know how else to communicate)
none of these reasons are okay.

I just discovered why it was so difficult for me to accept that I was in an abusive relationship with my husband and why I had to struggle to get out and why I am still struggling to grieve and recover.

Let's turn the statements around.

Husbands are allowed to say and do whatever they like. If you ask to go out so you can take a break from the kids, it is acceptable for him to put up a fuss and say no out right or begrudgingly say yes so that you feel guilty for wanting to take care of your self.

Husbands are well-meaning and well-intentioned - he really loves me and is thinking about my own best interest, because obviously, I cannot think for my self. I need to be told what to think and how to think so I am protected. My values are messed up so I also need to be told what to believe is important.

Husbands don't know how else to communicate. If you don't hear them once, yelling is okay. They add in the name-calling for surprise effect, you know, to get your attention (you obviosuly have an attention disorder). If you don't follow exactly, then he must get in your face so you can see the spittle flying every where and if he is eating, better yet to see the tiny pieces of chewed up food flying everywhere - you know you'll have to clean that up.

And if that doesn't work, well you know what you'll get and you would have deserve every hit.

So here is my answer for my friend who recently asked me this:

"Why do we stay in such relationships when we know they're not good? We must have low self-esteem. After the first time, you know. You leave. Why do we choose to have such a difficult life?"

Answer: Because the people we care most about are part of the problem. We trap our selves. We refuse to see our own part in the bigger picture.

I get it now.

And for those who say that it is not the same - family and husbands - I disagree very strongly.

In my own life, it started with the family and transferred into other relationships.

I know some husbands never get to the physical abuse, but they sure the heck participate in the mental, emotional abuse through their words and the shared beliefs of what is okay and what is not okay - damn individuality.

Thank god for the women who constantly remind me and support me that I AM OKAY. That what I'm feeling is right. That feeling guilty, bad, etck about my self is wrong, wrong, wrong.

That there is never a good enough reason for someone to cross that boundary whether it is physical or emotional.

12:56 PM, December 29, 2005  
Eileen said...

Great comment, bad family!

Do you mind if I move it over to my new blog page? Or, you could start your own blog (web journal) here, my new onlline community, for free by simply entering your email address. Link:

http://www.thewordslinger.org/your_tribe

1:16 PM, December 29, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Thanks, Eileen. Please move it over to your new blog page.

I enjoy the freedom of your blog.

3:54 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:17 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:18 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:18 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:18 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:18 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:18 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:18 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:18 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:18 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:18 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:18 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:18 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:19 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:20 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:22 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:23 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:25 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:26 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:27 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:28 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:29 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

It has been said that a man who exhibits the following behaviors in relationship is abusive. It would stand to reason, then, that a woman who exhibits these behaviors is an abusive woman. Men who get involved with abusive women are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that men from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way �healthy� men are. On a positive note, there is a silver lining here�all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a man will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with women who are not good for him.

9:30 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.

9:31 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous said...

Sounds like she was abusive to him too. Did she embarass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family? Did she insist that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong? Did she withhold affection to punish you for any violations of her rules? Did she intimidate you in any way? Did she threaten you, or threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you left? Did she force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? Did she have control of the family finances, so you didn't even know what or when money was being spent? Did she prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school? Did she force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had? Did she make jokes about her treatment of you, insist that she never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for her behavior? Did she treat you as if you were her servant? Did she ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal? Did she ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong? Did she make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family? Did she make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be careful around her? Did she make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual? All signs of abuse.

9:31 AM, December 30, 2005